caboblanco

overly selfish, egotistical, self-centered, immature, abusive, arrogant, controlling, unethical, and toxic?

Is it possible that someone just used alcohol for self medication and not because they were all these things? I find it hard when people tell me all heavy drinkers are all these bad things to the textbook. Movies and books usually portray alcoholics as the above mentioned. Is that why you here this sort of rhetoric in meetings. That all alcoholics are extremely flawed and bad people. I don't know if that goes along with what heavy drinkers are in the real world.

Torso

I don't think so.

I've never ever been abusive.

My GF is a lot more self centred and selfish than me and admits it. I wouldn't call it selfish having an illness your trying to deal with, but maybe if you didn't care about getting sober it could be seen as selfish.

I'm definitely not arrogant or egotistical and unethical is a bit broad to comment as I have very high ethics when it comes to the environment etc.

Toxic, after everything i've put in my body..... maybe

Tamerua

I don't know... I think people in general have these characteristics. I know though that I was an isolator and filled with self hatred and that was ego working... Because I was only thinking about me. Maybe in a negative way, but it was all about me none the less.

I don't like when people say, and I've read, "nope, alcoholic, can't believe a word that comes out of his or her mouth." But, like someone said in a meeting that i did love, it's not my business what anyone thinks of me.

Nevertheless

Most people I know that seldom drink have at least 2 or 3 of those traits.
I certainly don't see only alcoholics having them. I also think that there are alcoholics that have none.
I think where the problem is. Once we are addicted. Those traits make it harder to stop and stay stopped. If you are an alcoholic. Quitting is a MAJOR life change. And taking a look at ourselves for those for those traits isn't a bad thing either way.
Take what you need from it and leave the rest.

Fred

LDT

For a long time I did not identify as an "alcoholic" because of those exact "labels" you listed. How can anyone heal, feeling they were as worthless as those characteristics imply?

doggonecarl

There was nothing more selfish than my addiction. When drinking and drunk I was the center of the universe...my universe. That's self centered. When drinking, I was egotistical in thinking I was the smartest drunk in the room. I was arrogant, especially in my denial that I had a problem. Arrogant about protecting my addiction. I did things that were clearly unethical and immature. Add immoral. I was abusive in my relationships in that they all took a backseat to my addiction.

I had to take a good, long look at myself to make a fearless moral inventory. Doesn't mean all alcholics are as flawed. It means THIS alcoholic was.

flutter

I'll completely admit to being most of those things when I was an active drinker, minus "abusive". I don't see much of a difference between "arrogant", "selfish", "egotistical" and "self centered" though. I don't think I fit any of those words now.. in fact I'm mostly the complete opposite of them!

Mountainmanbob

Busby56

Gotta agree with Doggonecarl on this one. I was (am?) grossly self-centered, immature and egotistical. I was never physically abusive, but I certainly was abusive in the sense that I caused my family a lot of anguish.

slimjim30

About the only one of those I would have identified with when drinking was immature. Even then only in spirit, not by my actions.

I lived a very normal life; university, wife, job; and I wasn't obviously an alcoholic to anyone but my wife and closest friend.

The only thing wrong with this picture was that I was drinking half a case or more of beer a night. I didn't do much dumb stuff except the drinking itself, and I never harmed anyone. I was also overweight and on the fast road to some serious health issues.

So no, I don't think I was any of those things.

Stang

While drunk I would say yes I was. I find myself a better man now and sure as hell feel a lot better!

visch1

I know that doing my 4th step showed I had those characteristics in general. Still have them after 30+ years except most are what I'd call controlled and livable. Each persons ism is different to a degree. BE WELL

Fandy

"Believe 1/2 of what you see and none of what you hear"---Benjamin Franklin, i think?

I think that many people can be many things...when you throw booze into the mix it can make bad traits worse.

I was more self-centered, but not selfish, not controlling (more passive), not arrogant and toxic, not immature and never abusive, unless we count the self-harm to my health.

BabyJane

Nearly every human on the planet, alcoholic or not, can be described as having displayed any number of those traits you listed at certain times in his or her life. Are alcoholics more selfish, more immature, more egotistical, etc. than most people? Some are, yes. Others are self-medicating to deal with depression or anxiety. Still others are drinking to escape pain and trauma in their lives. We can't over generalize though. In my case, the traits I've come to recognize as undesirable and "alcoholic" in myself are simply things to be aware of and work on everyday but I am not just those things. I can be the opposite. I have done good in my life both in and out of addiction. Im not evil to the core and I don't need to hang my head in shame.... Just adding my two cents.

bryangt

all of the above, whether we realize it at the times when we were drunk...

Coolmel

I drank because I liked it....not because I was an *******.

robgt350

this is why i drank to self medicate my personal pain i had developed.

findingout

We are not all the same drunk square peg that needs to be pounded into the same round recovery hole. But that doesn't mean we don't have things in common.

Carlotta

I don't think sol. I work the steps because I am not perfect and there is always room for character improvement (and the steps help me feel balanced and content) but I am neither better nor worst than the majority of people.
I am no angel and I am no monster either and this is where I am very glad to also use AVRT because this is one aspect of AA (constant beating on self) with which I disagree and which I find unhealthy.
I was a decent person when I drank and I am a decent person sober. I have known some active alcoholics who were complete sweethearts and I know some "normies" who are awful human beings. I do not think that our characters are flawed and that we as alcoholic suffer from "psychic" deformities. I think that once a person ingest alcohol, the chemicals trigger some unacceptable behaviors, attitudes and reactions but I do not believe that alcoholism is a result of our character.

DG0409

I didn't drink because I was all of these things, but drinking eventually turned me into all of these things... (which DID make me drink more!)

It wasn't right away. It wasn't every time. Most of the time I was considerate, sweet, caring, etc. But especially as the alcoholism got worse, it caused me to be/do more and more of the bad things more and more of the time.