please help me define "sober" to my bub jd
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CT
Posts: 189
If he is truly abusing Xanax than I think the bigger issue is the danger of benzo abuse versus whether he is technically sober. Do you know how much he is taking? Are you assuming that he is abusing them because he seems high from them or just because he has a script for them?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by banksy 
my bub jd is going around telling everyone that will listen that he's now sober since hasn't had a drink lately.
problem is he's now abusing Xanax.
an alcoholic that is on Xanax but isn't drinking can't be considered sober, right?
problem is he's now abusing Xanax.
an alcoholic that is on Xanax but isn't drinking can't be considered sober, right?
The real point here is that ur bub, must not be that happy if he is escaping, so ur not missing anything. He's gotta go down his own road. Learn from his own choices. And face his own consequenses. Don't give up your peace over it. It's his life. Ethical or not. U do have a choice to let it go.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
Use the dictionary. We're talking english here, not just recovery talk. The word has a definition.
Sober
1 a : sparing in the use of food and drink : abstemious
b : not addicted to intoxicating drink
c : not drunk
2
: marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor
3
: unhurried, calm
4
: marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness <a sober candlelight vigil>
5
: subdued in tone or color
6
: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Courtesy of Merriam Webster Online
However, another dictionary, The American Heritage Dictionary, College Edition, defines it as follows:
1) Habitually abstemious in the use of alcoholic liquors; temperate
OR
2)Not Intoxicated
Let's go with 2.... What does intoxicated mean? This same dictionary defines it as follows:
An intoxicant:
An agent that intoxicates; especially, an alcoholic beverage
Intoxicate:
To induce, especially by the effect of alcohol, any of a series of progressively deteriorating states ranging from exhilaration to stupefaction.
This tells me two things. According to Merriam Webster, to be sober means to be free of or not addicted to alcohol. My cultural experience with this word does not reflect that definition, so I defer to the American Heritage dictionary, which tells me that to be sober is to be free of intoxicants. An intoxicant is something that alters you.
So, to me, to be sober is to not induce upon yourself an altered state of mind by chemical means, or, simply put, to not use drugs or alcohol unless prescribed, and even then used as prescribed.
I hope this helps,
Sober
1 a : sparing in the use of food and drink : abstemious
b : not addicted to intoxicating drink
c : not drunk
2
: marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor
3
: unhurried, calm
4
: marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness <a sober candlelight vigil>
5
: subdued in tone or color
6
: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Courtesy of Merriam Webster Online
However, another dictionary, The American Heritage Dictionary, College Edition, defines it as follows:
1) Habitually abstemious in the use of alcoholic liquors; temperate
OR
2)Not Intoxicated
Let's go with 2.... What does intoxicated mean? This same dictionary defines it as follows:
An intoxicant:
An agent that intoxicates; especially, an alcoholic beverage
Intoxicate:
To induce, especially by the effect of alcohol, any of a series of progressively deteriorating states ranging from exhilaration to stupefaction.
This tells me two things. According to Merriam Webster, to be sober means to be free of or not addicted to alcohol. My cultural experience with this word does not reflect that definition, so I defer to the American Heritage dictionary, which tells me that to be sober is to be free of intoxicants. An intoxicant is something that alters you.
So, to me, to be sober is to not induce upon yourself an altered state of mind by chemical means, or, simply put, to not use drugs or alcohol unless prescribed, and even then used as prescribed.
I hope this helps,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 14
Firstly, happy mother's day to you all.
thank you all for your posts.
I just got off the phone with my "bub" jd. He was drunk off his ass. Slurred speech. Said he had "a couple" warm beers. Why warm? No clue.
I'm done.
thank you all for your posts.
I just got off the phone with my "bub" jd. He was drunk off his ass. Slurred speech. Said he had "a couple" warm beers. Why warm? No clue.
I'm done.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2
Bansky, i'm a little nervous about my first post here but I think I'm going through the same situation. I a few bub's that are acting the same way. One night blacking out, the next saying drinking is a dead end road but then doing it all over again 2 nights later. I even have a bro that speaks the queens English until he slips then its all gibberish while claiming he's sober. I don't think drugs are the issue though. Just booze and whatnot
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
my belief is if he aint drinking he is sober from alcohol
if he is using Xanax he is using Xanax
pretty simple really.
it pays not to judge nor to project ones own experience in passing judgement
all are worthy of having a go along a continuum of time or choosing total abstinence
v
if he is using Xanax he is using Xanax
pretty simple really.
it pays not to judge nor to project ones own experience in passing judgement
all are worthy of having a go along a continuum of time or choosing total abstinence
v
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 7
First time poster to this forum.
I have a similar situation with a bub of mine. He is a very heavy drinker and we are all worried about him. He goes on binges and then gets remorseful afterwards and tells everyone he has quit drinking. After a day or 2 he proclaims he's sober. At first I was real encouraging but then the weekend would come and I would get a text like this:
Silup
8 platinums
6 shots
2 zannies
This will go on for a few days, then he will say he's come to a fork in the road and that he's quit again. Is he really even sober after just a few days of not drinking?
I have a similar situation with a bub of mine. He is a very heavy drinker and we are all worried about him. He goes on binges and then gets remorseful afterwards and tells everyone he has quit drinking. After a day or 2 he proclaims he's sober. At first I was real encouraging but then the weekend would come and I would get a text like this:
Silup
8 platinums
6 shots
2 zannies
This will go on for a few days, then he will say he's come to a fork in the road and that he's quit again. Is he really even sober after just a few days of not drinking?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by banksy
easier said than done I'm afraid
can't just kick my bro to the curb
can't just kick my bro to the curb
What makes it tough for me is I don't know when to believe what he says. He tells me he's been clean for 3 months and I'd like to believe him, but then he goes and does things that make me think he's using again. I mean, who would go and order 176 sprinkler heads for a normal sized lawn? That's something that a tweaker would do.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by bunnyfarm
I know what you mean here. I've been through a ton of crap with my friend too. It's tough to just turn your back on them especially when their behavior has caused health problems like bleeding ulcers and bleeding gums.
What makes it tough for me is I don't know when to believe what he says. He tells me he's been clean for 3 months and I'd like to believe him, but then he goes and does things that make me think he's using again. I mean, who would go and order 176 sprinkler heads for a normal sized lawn? That's something that a tweaker would do.
What makes it tough for me is I don't know when to believe what he says. He tells me he's been clean for 3 months and I'd like to believe him, but then he goes and does things that make me think he's using again. I mean, who would go and order 176 sprinkler heads for a normal sized lawn? That's something that a tweaker would do.
I can tell when my bubs have slipped from their text messages. After I got this one from my pal Aca I immediately called her and she admitted she slipped
"i want to text more but limited to one eey and also want popcorn but thinkg rude if have guests AND n't tht one of the whiner lunch room scents"
She's been 18 hours sober now and is focusing on BBQ'ing vs drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 3
I'm reading this thread and am realizing that I'm very glad I'm found this place.
My daily sobriety is a constant battle and I see you guys have a lot of the issues I have.
When I get back from a trip I'm on ill start a thread about drinking and e friends.
This is the biggest area I'm struggling with.
My daily sobriety is a constant battle and I see you guys have a lot of the issues I have.
When I get back from a trip I'm on ill start a thread about drinking and e friends.
This is the biggest area I'm struggling with.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Splashwut
Bunnyfarm (love the name as I have several bunnies), the health issues do seem like a problem however i don't think you can blame drinking on someone buying an incredibly abnormal amount of sprinkler heads for a lawn. Perhaps this friend simple has mad stacks due to saving allowances for several months.
I can tell when my bubs have slipped from their text messages. After I got this one from my pal Aca I immediately called her and she admitted she slipped
"i want to text more but limited to one eey and also want popcorn but thinkg rude if have guests AND n't tht one of the whiner lunch room scents"
She's been 18 hours sober now and is focusing on BBQ'ing vs drinking.
I can tell when my bubs have slipped from their text messages. After I got this one from my pal Aca I immediately called her and she admitted she slipped
"i want to text more but limited to one eey and also want popcorn but thinkg rude if have guests AND n't tht one of the whiner lunch room scents"
She's been 18 hours sober now and is focusing on BBQ'ing vs drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Jawrbeliefs
I'm reading this thread and am realizing that I'm very glad I'm found this place.
My daily sobriety is a constant battle and I see you guys have a lot of the issues I have.
When I get back from a trip I'm on ill start a thread about drinking and e friends.
This is the biggest area I'm struggling with.
My daily sobriety is a constant battle and I see you guys have a lot of the issues I have.
When I get back from a trip I'm on ill start a thread about drinking and e friends.
This is the biggest area I'm struggling with.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 14
Most of the folks here have been very helpful and supportive. To those, I say "thank you".
I don't know from sprinkler heads and bunnies, but it seems that some of the posters here may be on the wrong forum.
I don't know from sprinkler heads and bunnies, but it seems that some of the posters here may be on the wrong forum.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 31
I'm a recovering alcoholic and recovering benzo addict. Benzos and booze effect the exact same area as the brain. Being high on Xanax and other benzos is about the same as being drunk. That's why many of us recovering alcoholics find benzos and take those instead of booze, or use benzos to potentiate the booze.
He's not sober. He's just picked a different poison. Benzo withdrawal is similar to alcohol withdrawal. They are cross tolerant. This means if he has a high tolerance for booze, then he'll have a high tolerance to benzos, and vice versa.
When I got sober this last time, I was addicted to both. So I basically went to detox and went cold turkey. I got clonidine to help for the first few weeks, I believe it's a high blood pressure med. It helped a little, but not much. After a cold turkey withdrawal like that, I'm never touching anything like that again.
He's not sober. He's just picked a different poison. Benzo withdrawal is similar to alcohol withdrawal. They are cross tolerant. This means if he has a high tolerance for booze, then he'll have a high tolerance to benzos, and vice versa.
When I got sober this last time, I was addicted to both. So I basically went to detox and went cold turkey. I got clonidine to help for the first few weeks, I believe it's a high blood pressure med. It helped a little, but not much. After a cold turkey withdrawal like that, I'm never touching anything like that again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by bunnyfarm
You know your bub is hardcore when he lets his xanax melt in his mouth right?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
1828 Noah Webster's dictionary
sober
SO'BER, a. [L. sobrius.]
1. Temperate in the use of spiritous liquors; habitually temperate; as a sober man. Live a sober, righteous and godly life.
2. Not intoxicated or overpowered by spiritous liquors; not drunken. The sot may at times be sober.
3. Not mad or insane; not wild, visionary or heated with passion; having the regular exercise of cool dispassionate reason. There was not a sober person to be had; all was tempestuous and blustering. Not sober man would put himself in danger, for the applause of escaping without breaking his neck.
4. Regular; calm; not under the influence of passion; as sober judgment; a man in his sober senses.
5. Serious; solemn; grave; as the sober livery of autumn. What parts gay France from sober Spain? See her sober over a sampler, or gay over a jointed baby.
SO'BER, v.t. TO make sober; to cure of intoxication. There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain and drinking largely sobers us again.
SO'BER, a. [L. sobrius.]
1. Temperate in the use of spiritous liquors; habitually temperate; as a sober man. Live a sober, righteous and godly life.
2. Not intoxicated or overpowered by spiritous liquors; not drunken. The sot may at times be sober.
3. Not mad or insane; not wild, visionary or heated with passion; having the regular exercise of cool dispassionate reason. There was not a sober person to be had; all was tempestuous and blustering. Not sober man would put himself in danger, for the applause of escaping without breaking his neck.
4. Regular; calm; not under the influence of passion; as sober judgment; a man in his sober senses.
5. Serious; solemn; grave; as the sober livery of autumn. What parts gay France from sober Spain? See her sober over a sampler, or gay over a jointed baby.
SO'BER, v.t. TO make sober; to cure of intoxication. There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain and drinking largely sobers us again.
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