AA... The honeymoon is over
 

So recently I've come to the point where my current feelings about AA and the step work I'm doing are rather negative. I have some theories on WHY I might be feeling this way, and they may be excuses too so I acknowledge that but honestly have any of you who attend these meetings ever developed serious animosity toward the entire cultish dogmatic approach to the whole thing?

I'm really tired of being told that I'm powerless over everything, I'm a "drunk for life", I'm broken, I'm not ok unless I do the steps, No one can stay sober out of AA or they will be a "dry drunk", fake it if you don't believe it, psychology is all evil quack science, etc... I could go on.... These are not just words I hear sometimes either. I hear them very often.

When I was really sick and lonely in early sobriety I was desperate for answers and a way out of my addictions. I surely needed all the help out there. I truly thought AA was IT. There are good things about it too! I'm not saying it didn't help me in the beginning. It just doesn't seem to be helping as much now. My brain is functioning again and fortunately I have an inquisitive mind so I wonder if I'm feeling brainwashed or just expecting too much or.... ??? I've never been a "joiner" and as far as doing for others, I love that part of it but I can volunteer and help others anywhere and I do, not just in AA.

I've decided that I'm cutting down to 1-2 meetings per week to keep my connection with the sober community and I will finish my step work to the best of my ability. If I still feel weird about AA after that I'm out. And I don't think that means I will be miserable or relapse. Not at all. I know there's more than one way to do sobriety and I'm glad I can come here and share these feelings without being attacked. When I mentioned them to a trusted AA friend yesterday she freaked out at me and said I was "on the road to relapse already" - I took what she said to heart but I don't think it's necessarily true. I have respect for all kinds of methods used by different people and however we all do this so that it works for us is THE RIGHT WAY!

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I understand your frustrations.

My opinion on this is that what you have to say is a perfect example of why it is so important to read, gain and understanding of, and follow the Big Book. It is the text of our program. There are a lot of things that are said in meetings that go against what is in the book.

For starters, we are not powerless over everything. In fact as a result of working the steps we are no longer powerless over alcohol. We are not sick for life or broken. As a result of the steps, we get to be recovered. Free of the mental and physical suffering of alcoholism. We do not have to commit to staying sober for one day at a time, we can commit to a lifetime of sobriety.
There are many examples of words in meetings contradicting what is in the book and what I and many others have experienced.

The important thing is to have your own experience with the program. Don't let others work it for you.

Best wishes. Hope you stick around!

"Ever developed serious animosity toward the entire cultish dogmatic approach to the whole thing"

Yes, they are bullies, and contrary to their own opinion, not the only path to sobriety.

AA works for many people. The program may not work for you. Find something that feels more comfortable and fitting for your life. There are many individuals on this site who have stayed sober through AA. There are many people who have stayed sober through other methods. Find your method!

Bob thumper makes a good point. You need to separate the actions of the individuals from the philosophy of the program.

Bbthumper...darned autocorrect

What does your sponsor think about your feelings and perceptions?

I am an alcoholic and tend to "drift off the path" too. I can't stand prosperity.

Just because the honeymoon is over doesn't mean the marriage is over .... just means the work is starting.

All the best.

Bob R

I hear ya. I really wish there were other recovery groups by me that just focused on not drinking or not abusing alcohol. I don't need to be completely changed morally or spiritually. I don't think the people in AA are changed anyway. They are human. They get mad, jealous, they lie cheat etc. everybody does to an extent. I don't need people who just met me telling me who I am as a person. Telling me that I'm a degenerate alcoholic because every alcoholic is only an alcoholic and a horrible person. Most people who abuse alcohol are not horrible people. The people in AA constantly beat themselves up with self fabricated guilt and shame. I don't believe they really feel that guilt and shame. I believe they are addicted to the program and saying that they are worthless and horrible. The have this ego from their fake humility. Look at me I'm holier than thou. just my opinion though. I just want tools to not abuse alcohol anymore. not religion

I don't know about your meetings or home group but mine acknowledges that there are plenty of people outside of AA that get sober. It's just that the vast majority of people who leave the program seem to relapse. Perhaps that's just my perception but i know too many people in AA that celebrate a year of more of sobriety. I personally need the encouragement of the group and of the individuals i've made friends with. If you're lonley in AA i am quite surprised. I am finding that working the steps is removing the wall i built up between me and my Higher Power brick by brick. Perhaps you should go looking for a new homegroup if you're displeased with the one you're attending.

I'd also recommend trying to separate actions of some from the true purpose of any recovery method. Not sure if you have any other meetings in your area that you might try and see if there are different folks around.

AA is by far the most common support group out there, so you will no doubt find some who interpret the program incorrectly and there are defninitely some AA "zealots", just like there are in any group. And when I say zealot, i simply mean someone who blindly follows a program, religion and disavows the possibility that there may be alternatives out there. And there are people like this in every walk of life. Heck, there are people who defend SR that way sometimes.

My advice would be to try and find a meeting or group that follows the program correctly, or hang out with and talk to those of a similar mind to you. If you plan on going even with these issues you must see some benefit with the program.

Have you tried looking into other meetings, like NA or SMART? Where I live, there are nine meetings per week (including NA), and the same dozen people are at all the meetings. So if I were unhappy with my local group, I would make the effort of traveling two to four hours to get to SOME kind of meeting.

I would think that in a place like San Diego, NA meetings would be very interesting. Perhaps you would just need to go to a few of those if you forget where you will end up if you go back to using.

Yes, I did. But in doing the steps I realized it was my deep resentment to organized religion, fear of never fitting in and fear of actually fitting in. I let that stuff go the best I could and try to "take what I need and leave the rest".

I am not one that believes I am broken or that not going to meetings will mean relapse but it is nice to have a foot in the program for when things get tough. 1-2 meeting a week is my goal too. I am trying to live life, something I escaped from with drinking.

Don't let anybody make you believe you cannot do this.

Good luck Jane

Maybe it's time to check out other meetings? Not all meetings are the same. I stay away from toxic meetings with a majority of people who are MICA, know it all and wars story. Each day of the week, I have a meeting I can go to which is positive and solution oriented. I work the steps but I also use AVRT.
As a rule of thumb, I stay away from fanatics and hang out with people who are content and well adjusted not people whose take on life is that they are broken pieces of garbage who cannot function or think normally in society unless they run everything through others.
You might want to check out this paper http://dbhids.org/assets/Forms--Docu...OfRecovery.pdf

Initially yes to viewing it as excessively dogmatic, behind the times, and rigid. I have come around to view it as just another large decentralized institution with people from all walks of life who do share a common goal and are mostly well intentioned with their words and actions (if at times naive/ignorant or just generally not the sharpest tools in the shed). I believe most people could find the right clique within AA if they give it a chance. Its a cross section of Society at Large and for a large number of people "It works if you Work It". I do understand how its dogma can be grating; especially for certain personality types (myself included).

As you stated, "There is more than one way to do Sobriety"..If you enjoy helping and volunteering, there are many places who would love to have you, your local hospital, food bank, animal shelter, nursing home and some schools are only the tip of the iceberg.

you can do this on your own schedule.

What step are you on?

Have a look into SMART recovery and AVRT BabyJane. AA is not the only way. They do have the most meetings though. I struggled a lot with the thoughts you are having, and still do. There us a lot of good in AA but the dogma was a bit much for me, but then it is good for others. Read some different literature about alcoholism and try and find something that fits better with you. There are a ton of books out there on other people's journey's x

I couldn't have put that better myself. Loads of friends who have benefited immeasurably. I do myself although I tend more to NA than AA as there seems to be a larger quotient who are just not quite so full of themselves. Am I powerless? Not really, no. But does it help me stay clean? Absolutely.

Babyjane, I think you might be in danger of over-thinking it too much. I wouldn't put such ultimatums on whether you go or not. For me, the upsides far outweigh the downsides. I've done the steps, go to meetings when I feel like it, have a long-term sponsor/friend, enjoy hooking up with a bunch of similar people, and take what I need from it.

And that still remains the best advice a friend gave me - and I apologize for the cliche - just take what you want and leave the rest.

8 years in and i havent experienced any cultish stuff. i can leave whenever i want.
i dont get negative feelings for the program, but i do get em for members of the fellowship.
i have ran into quite a few people that i met at a meeting and havent seen in a while. they are sober.
i see poeple that attend at least a meeting a day. IMO...dry drunks.

we didnt go there because we are healthy specimens of society. theres all kinds of us. some really are sicker than others and that isnt just an AA thing. it can be found in any recovey program.