DaveAnomie

So I went to my 2nd therapy session. Had white knuckled it all week and was dealing with incredible back pain. The therapy was underwhelming, due to them needing to gather more information about me and my past. I didn't get much "therapy". Went home after and said to hell with it, I'm going to drink tonight. My wife and I had drinks, I got drunk, passed out on the couch, she went to bed.

The next day, I felt like crap. My back still hurt and I was out of sorts. However, a good thing happened. I realized I don't like drinking anymore. I had a direct comparison of sobriety and drinking, and I like the sober feeling 10 times better! I'm currently doing a convention with work and I'm surrounded by alcohol, and I have zero interest in touching it. I'm actually looking forward to the weekend. My daughter has a soccer tournament, and I'm really excited to chill out and watch soccer all weekend, while feeling good.

So long story short, I slipped, but it could be the last slip. I just didn't enjoy it. I think I like living life more

Pamel

I very much hope you are right! Sober is best, but all we can do is find out for ourselves. I am sorry about your back pain-that is a drag, I know.

Busby56

That really is the trick, isn't it--learning to enjoy life more than the drunken haze.

fini

DA,
seems like dangerous thinking, looking at it that way.
would have led me to further occasional tests to see if i still liked sobriety better.
woiuld have made that seem reasonable.
but it isn't.

my "alcoholic mind" would have whispered to me:" hey! this sobriety stuff is a-okay, but let me just get wasted to make sure it's so and still holds true by comparison."

soberclover

Having to talk about my past can make me want to drink. Feeling some type of physical pain can also make me want to drink. It's times like that that I need to make a plan on how I will keep myself busy and out of trouble so I will not drink. My pattern is to drink when the tough get's going. I hope your zest for not drinking will continue!

Nirvana1

Sobriety always seems to be the obvious choice when we are agonizing through a hangover. Work on remembering that sobriety is truly the better option when you feel well in a couple days...

mkg1116

I am new to these forums, so I don't know anything about your background, so please forgive if I overstep. I can certainly relate to going to a therapy session and feeling like all you did was give info so they can get to know you, blah blah blah, right?! But the first thing I thought when I read the title of your post is, "This person is making excuses." I feel like your addictive voice is in control. If you were in control of your addiction you would never wake up the next day and think it could have been a good thing for any reason. I believe it is useful to figure out exactly what led to the use (ie, was it really pain? Was it frustration from not getting what you needed at therapy? Was it something else? Be honest with yourself, you won't get better if you don't), and then work on that issue. You are doing exactly what your addiction wants you to do - quit, drink, feel like crap, feel that you don't ever want to drink again, feel good about yourself because you don't want to drink.... until the same thing happens again (pain, frustration...) and your addiction wins again, and you drink again, and start the cycle all over again.
I hope the best for you, and I believe you can and will be able to do this.
Peace

Ghostly

This ^ bears repeating.

However, who knows, I'll walk the other side of the line on this one...maybe you really did get a close in time comparison to the two sides of the coins, and you now know you want heads, as opposed to tails, and you will stay sober. If so good for you.

However, keep in mind what Nirvana wrote, cuz that is what I was thinking.

Good luck...keep us posted. No, really, like keep us posted. We're curious how it turns on out.

Talana

I always used to say "That's it I quit!!" that was when I had a hangover but a few weeks later, when I felt good, I was back at it again because I had forgotten why I had quit in the first place. So the vicious circle began again.

Jeni26

I hated drinking too at the end. I would buy alcohol so reluctantly KNOWING that it would make me feel like crap. I would almost be in tears pouring that first drink and would sink into oblivion and despair yet again.

Thing is, I hated it but I STILL DID IT.

Sometimes hating it isn't enough, because our addictions re-write the script for us every time. 'This time it will be different, you've had a difficult/unproductive therapy session, you can quit again tomorrow, next week etc'

I had to make a real commitment to quit, one that wasn't dependent on how I felt on a particular day. Because how I felt changed and couldn't be relied on.

Best wishes to you x

Vandermast

If you are an alcoholic drinking is never a good thing

instant

Anger and expectations can be a bad mix. I won't charge you for that little pearl LOL.

Johno1967

This could be the happy ending we all dream about. Just make sure you have a reality check. Alcohol has a habit of sneaking back into your life. How often have I found myself completely at a loss to explain how or why after having that "drunk" after thinking I was through with the booze for good.
Choose life.

visch1

Hi. I had so many memory lapses of the AM promise that I won't drink today that today I shudder. I couldn't understand what, in AA, was meant be the insanity that precedes the first drink. Afterwards I realized that alcohol was controlling my "thinking" and I needed to surrender and follow the advice at meetings. The first thing I needed was to be honest with myself then not pick up the first drink. More than 30 years later that still works but is just the beginning. BE WELL

inlovewithlife

hi dave.
hang in there. wish you the best. abstinence is surely the best; but next best your honest assessment of yourself.
take care, mate.

Mountainmanbob