Is this normal in treatment?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 39
Is this normal in treatment?
My father just started an intensive outpatient program yesterday.... & last week he admitted to me he was an alcoholic but right when we got to the IOP place he said he wasn't.....but that he would do the program & would quit drinking. He has followed everything so far....2 urine tests, a meeting with a counselor, family night & his meeting tonight. We are going to AA/al-anon mtg sunday (i just started al anon).
So....the counselor pulled me to the side yesterday & was quite dramatic about my father being in denial. He said my father told him that he wanted to be there but basically told him he doesnt drink a lot & has never had negative consequences from him drinking (which i know are both lies). Today the counselor called me & was dramatic again about my dad's denial & that his insurance company only authorized 10 sessions of IOP bc of my fathers self report on paperwork that he doesnt drink a lot of have mental health issues. He said most people that come in aren't in denial like my dad. He said he isnt going to tell him about the insurance covering only 10 sessions (the program is 58) bc he doesnt want my dad to BS the paperwork.
None of this seems right. Arent addicts/alcoholics known for denial?! If he wants to be there and is following the program why are they acting like he is a lost cause. That is pretty much what the guy said....dont have high hopes. Limit your interaction with him etc.
Thanks to all.....this is a great place (or site)
So....the counselor pulled me to the side yesterday & was quite dramatic about my father being in denial. He said my father told him that he wanted to be there but basically told him he doesnt drink a lot & has never had negative consequences from him drinking (which i know are both lies). Today the counselor called me & was dramatic again about my dad's denial & that his insurance company only authorized 10 sessions of IOP bc of my fathers self report on paperwork that he doesnt drink a lot of have mental health issues. He said most people that come in aren't in denial like my dad. He said he isnt going to tell him about the insurance covering only 10 sessions (the program is 58) bc he doesnt want my dad to BS the paperwork.
None of this seems right. Arent addicts/alcoholics known for denial?! If he wants to be there and is following the program why are they acting like he is a lost cause. That is pretty much what the guy said....dont have high hopes. Limit your interaction with him etc.
Thanks to all.....this is a great place (or site)
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
What does your dad say about the treatment so far?
I haven't been to treatment but it sounds like the counselor is trying to prepare you... maybe save you the money if it's not going to work right now.
One thing to think about especially when dealing with someone who's a bit in denial is who else is in treatment with him. I've been to a handful of meetings and the first couple I went to, if I were still on the fence about quitting, probably would have convinced me that I didn't have a problem. The people there were in a lot worse shape than I was. Mumbly, confused, etc.
The last one I went to though was near downtown so it was all people just getting off work. High functioning folks like me. I was already quit but if I'd been in denial I would have had a lot of thinking to do after that meeting.
You might want to kind of sideways ask him what he thinks about the other people there. If he isn't able to recognize himself in their stories it might not be the place to open his eyes.
I haven't been to treatment but it sounds like the counselor is trying to prepare you... maybe save you the money if it's not going to work right now.
One thing to think about especially when dealing with someone who's a bit in denial is who else is in treatment with him. I've been to a handful of meetings and the first couple I went to, if I were still on the fence about quitting, probably would have convinced me that I didn't have a problem. The people there were in a lot worse shape than I was. Mumbly, confused, etc.
The last one I went to though was near downtown so it was all people just getting off work. High functioning folks like me. I was already quit but if I'd been in denial I would have had a lot of thinking to do after that meeting.
You might want to kind of sideways ask him what he thinks about the other people there. If he isn't able to recognize himself in their stories it might not be the place to open his eyes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CT
Posts: 189
I feel for you-the insurance company is going to authorize treatment based upon how "bad" he is, if he's reporting that he isn't that bad and doesn't have major medical or legal problems from alcohol or drugs than they aren't going to give him a lot of treatment. A lot of people in IOP have struck a bottom & either legally need to be there or physically/mentally need it so they get more treatment as they are more honest about their situation- "the gift of desperation". He might come around with a few more treatments, I really hope he does. But he could go the other way too and think that he's not as bad as them, so he isnt really an alcoholic. It's very sad because of the progression of the disease, if he doesn't get help, he will be where they are sooner or later.
Please take care of yourself, al anon sounds like a great option for you. It really is a family disease.
Please take care of yourself, al anon sounds like a great option for you. It really is a family disease.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 39
I have not pressed my dad about how he likes it. We don't live together...i mostly say i love you...li told him what i am doing for myself (al-anon etc).
The only interaction the counselor had with my dad was when he sat down with him for 30 min and asked him questions about his drinking etc. he pulled me in while my dad was doing a neurocognitive assessment in another room (i was already there a little early for family night) to talk about the denial. In family night (just me there for his family...hey, some had no one) i spoke openly about my dad's drinking in a gentle loving way....and my dad listened. My dad told the group his most effective reward (aka drug of choice) was alcohol. He told the group he threw out his booze (i dunno about that!). The counselor called me today before he saw my dad in tonight's group about the insurance denial stuff.
The only interaction the counselor had with my dad was when he sat down with him for 30 min and asked him questions about his drinking etc. he pulled me in while my dad was doing a neurocognitive assessment in another room (i was already there a little early for family night) to talk about the denial. In family night (just me there for his family...hey, some had no one) i spoke openly about my dad's drinking in a gentle loving way....and my dad listened. My dad told the group his most effective reward (aka drug of choice) was alcohol. He told the group he threw out his booze (i dunno about that!). The counselor called me today before he saw my dad in tonight's group about the insurance denial stuff.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
The first AA meetings I went to convinced me that I wasn't an alcoholic.
My disease had not yet progressed enough to convince me. Two years later, I was a daily drinker and spice smoker.
It took 24 years of being on that binge drinking, pot smoking roller coaster before it developed into a daily routine that I couldn't seem to break. I didn't think I had the problem with drinking, I just thought others had a problem with my drinking.
Denial is the wall that protects every alcoholic from sobriety. Tear down the wall!
My disease had not yet progressed enough to convince me. Two years later, I was a daily drinker and spice smoker.
It took 24 years of being on that binge drinking, pot smoking roller coaster before it developed into a daily routine that I couldn't seem to break. I didn't think I had the problem with drinking, I just thought others had a problem with my drinking.
Denial is the wall that protects every alcoholic from sobriety. Tear down the wall!
recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 243
The thing is, if your dad didn't drink a lot he wouldn't be in rehab. The counselor knows this. and when your dad tells him that he does not drink that much, that's denial.
We must get over denial if we want to become sober. We must addmitt that we drink LOTS or we would not be in rehab in the first place.
We must get over denial if we want to become sober. We must addmitt that we drink LOTS or we would not be in rehab in the first place.
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