Slip
 

I did slip last night. Four glasses of wine. Lied about to my SO. I know he can't deal with that. I would be a month sober this Sunday, and I think I'm going to stay with my time. Because **** last night. I am sick sick sick of feeling bad about it! I am NOT going out to drink tomorrow, today, tonight, etc.

Is this the wrong attitude? I do not know. I am just so sick of myself.:gaah

In the short run the idea of "staying with my time" might seem to "fix" some problems created by those 4 glasses of wine. In the long run it will be more trouble than its worth. It's on the back of the coin but Shakespeare said it first,

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man".

My advice is to deal with this as soon as you are able to. Perhaps not now.... but soon.

I'm not sure. You've expressed a couple different "attitudes" in your post.

I am sick sick sick of feeling bad about it!

I don't know if beating yourself up is the right attitude, unless you could somehow leverage that into some kind of force to keep you from drinking.

I am NOT going out to drink tomorrow, today, tonight, etc.

That is absolutely the right attitude!

I think I'm going to stay with my time.

Wrong, it starts at day one. Sorry.

I have two dates I keep track of. The first is a day in December of 2009. It was the first time I really began to focus on sobriety but I was still slipping and in active alcoholism. The second is the actual first day since my last drink. I tried for the last three years to justify to myself every time I slipped that I was basically sober since December 2009. The hard truth was that I was still active, I find as I go further along that the actual day really does begin to mean something if only in the back of your mind.

Way to go on catching yourself and getting back on track. Great job

Thank you carl and sudz. I guess your right... I don't understand the daycount. I feel like I don't understand anything. I am just sitting here sobbing, because... I'm an alcoholic. I feel like I don't understand.

If you feel it would effect you in a negative way then I would stay with your day count. It was only 4 glasses of wine & not a full bender type relapse. You are the final authority on deciding.

With 35 years of drugging and drinking I am sure there were many times I didn't understand.

But recovery began when I understood one thing...

I could never drink again.

Understood, and believed.

I feel your pain. I slipped last pm as well. I'm upset about it, but I'm starting over 2day. I'm sick of it as well. Hang in there. I know how upsetting it is.

Honest words spoken too true. Thanks Carl.

You too, raja. Thanks.

@ carl

One of the most confusing things is--how can I know this and yet not *believe* it? When am I going to ******* get it? I mean, on some level I do because I am taking serious action to get help. And yet, the startling simplicity of the truth you just stated... I don't have that. I don't believe, I don't know. All I have is want. And it IS NOT ENOUGH.

It's normal to be upset but you should be proud of yourself. You realized immediately then need for you to get back on track. So you do understand and no one said it happens instantly to get it right. I think most of us here are still trying to perfect that part.

Do something different this time; even if you don't want to. It will feel awkward and uncomfortable, but do it anyway. Your life will be so much better once you put the wine away and get on withliving. I don't regret for a moment that I got sober. I do regret that I didn't do so years earlier abd had to suffer so much.

I know I drank for several years after I *knew* I shouldn't.

Knowing and accepting were two different things tho.

right to the end, I wanted to be a normal drinker...I wanted all my problems from drinking to just instantly sort themselves out, and I wanted all this recovery crap to go away.

I had to accept that was not going to happen - and part of that acceptance was accepting I'll never drink again.

As for day counts, it's not a mark for anyone else - it's a mark for me. If I'm fudging on the date, I'm really lying to myself.

I did enough of that as a drinker - I don't see the point in doing that in recovery too.

D

as for the staying with the time, IMO, its one lil lie that leads to another,then another, then a drink.

"how can I know this and yet not *believe* it? When am I going to ******* get it?"

the longest distance ever travelled is the distance from the head to the heart.
knowing it was one thing. when i admitted, then accepted i am an alcoholic i had a lot easier time getting into the solution.

I took some norcos one night near the end of one of my 7 year stretches of sobriety. I rationalized that I was an alcoholic, not an addict, so it didn't affect my sobriety date. After all who would want to throw away 7 years of sobriety because of one night of popping a few pills. Well it wasn't long before I started drinking again and popping pills. The thing is I took the norcos for the same reason I drank...to escape from life for a few hours and numb the emotional pain I was feeling at the time. I did give up the pills after a year but drank for 7 years and I'm just now coming back. Who knows what would have happened if I admitted I relapsed when I took the norcos and had gone to a meeting and picked up a white chip???

I wonder why we instinctively call this kind of thing a "slip"? I think we do it to soften the blow - do you agree? A slip, in the real world goes like this: "Whoops, slipped up at work today, gave Marge the wrong TPS files". Let's keep it simple: you drank last night, and it could be kind of a serious thing and a little scary.

But you know what? You're here and sharing with a peer group. You are using the coping tools that are available to you. You are discussing the situation and accepting feedback. You are taking the appropriate steps in taking back control. I think you should feel really good about that. I hope you can see a little silver lining to this cloud. You are not running back into the arms of addiction, which would be easy - you are fighting back, and that's encouraging.

It's easier to deal with day 1 again.

All good advice, also just remember that the day count is a tool not a goal... you can stop counting if that works better for you, but don't have a false number. That's not going to help you.

For me the count helps because it's an extra incentive. I know that starting the clock over wouldn't negate the sober time I've already accumulated. But some part of me is super attached to that number, so it's just one more little thing to add to the pile of reasons why not.

If all it does is stress you out, get rid of it. But on the other hand maybe the fact that it stresses you out may mean it could be a good tool for you as long as you keep it accurate.

What is your truth, either you drank or you didn't. You know your own truth. And either way you have to live with the decision you make.

I would of had 1 yr sober in Feb, But the December before I abused alcohol free cough medicine. I literally came back to meetings 6 hours later. I changed my date. That was my truth. I know why I drank it. I know I was tryin to get buzzed. And I know I was trying to escape. All Old behaviors for me. That was my truth and I can live with it.