Surrounded by Booze and Party People
 

Arrgh... Day 13 and some change here. Saturday went to a Cinco de Wacko that involved talking to an obnoxious guy with coke on his nose and my GF getting buzzed saying sexually borderline inappropriate things. Came home and she goes ballistic for nor real reason concerning a tight dress that a party goer was wearing (she brought it up and my comment was that she looked fabulous at the party and was much more appropriately dressed). Needless drama. Next day she has girlfriends over and personally consumed at least 2 bottles of wine. Was sloppy and popped an ambien, I fought of some sloppy advances and made sure she was breathing OK after she fell asleep. I made it through with out imbibing, but the Party almost felt like an anxiety laden out of body experience. I need a job and am so on the fence as to whether to try to make this work or bail. Felling soooo stressed. Have a hunch a few people here can relate...

I couldn't get my life in order until I got rid of the bad influences in my life and surrounded myself with people who were models for the life I wanted to live.

Recovery requires a lot of changes to succeed. I call it "death" to the old life. Complete change if need be.

Your gf still drinks. You probably aren't open to the idea of leaving her for your sobriety. Let's say you stay sober and she still drinks and takes drugs. What is your post in a couple of months going to say?

I'm sober, I think my girlfriend has a drinking problem. Anyone relate?

If you return to drinking, what's going to happen to your relationship? That could end, and you'll be drinking again. So I say, do whatever it takes to stay sober, because the alternatives are worse if you don't than what you might have to do to get there.

Not an easy place to be in. Good luck.

Surrounded by Booze and Party People

It is likely very advisable to change your surroundings ......

All the best.

Bob R

When I got into recovery I found I didn't fit my old life anymore.
It was like old comfortable clothes I'd worn for years, but I'd grown out of them, y'know?

D

I dunno EW.. I think you know how unhealthy your relationship is, none of us need to hammer that in any further. I think there's a big difference between surviving sober and thriving sober.. (hopefully that doesn't sound too psycho-babbly). I wish for the latter for you :)

Why do you go to these party things?

Had to for business purposes... We both had clients and potential clients there. Her girlfriend get together was her deal, I took the dog for a walk and cleaned my office. Thinking I do need an exit strategy, our lives are so interwoven, we're on the same lease for a house that has another year on it, I'm currently trying to start my own business... Just chaos....

If you are to remain sober and be happy about it, you might have to set up some boundaries with your friends and even to make some hard choices :(
I do not go around (never have) with a "party crowd" and other people drinking normally or smoking a joint does not bother me but I had to do a first, second and third step over my best friend who is also an alcoholic.
I also set up boundaries with him. When he drinks, his calls go straight to voice mail and I will not hang out with him. He is my friend I love him but I cannot afford to be around his disease. This was especially important for me since I am a double winner (Alcoholic and a codependent).
My first time in recovery, my partner at the time was a raging alcoholic and I ended up having to go to Al Anon to save my sanity. I remained sober through the ordeal but the relationship ended. Had I known what I know today, I would have dropped him like a hot potato the minute I saw him in active addiction.
Anyway, congratulations on staying sober and on day 13 :You_Rock_
It will get easier

I agree that your are in a tight spot. However, YOU need to do what you need to do to protect your recovery if that is what you want for yourself. What are you doing for support in addition to us wonderful people here on SR? You do need to review an exit plan. Sounds like you have some dreams of setting up your own business. I hope you can find some peace and serenity in your life. Being clean and sober has given me that. I have learned to place a lot of necessary distance from people in my life that make me insane. I have a relationship but I have my own place and I plan on keeping it that way. Get yourself some breathing room.

Being the sober guy at parties is the bees knees. I had some mates in the Army that were well advanced into their martial arts and never drunk but were the life of the party. They were just sociable, confident, happy guys. They drew people to them, the girls loved them and they were sensible when things went silly like during a altercation. Meanwhile I would embarrass them with the things I said and did as I staggered about being being a loser.
I could not imagine what it would be like being in a relationship with someone who gets wasted while you are tying to stay sober, that would be very hard. Despite your situation work wise and personally I reckon that you are on a good thing while you are sober. I remind myself every day that if I lost everything because of reasons outside my control it would be my choice to the bitter end whether to stay sober or not. Its the only thing I can control and while I'm sober life seems to be working out as it should.

After just over a month, I can totally relate. The one difference is, being a late bloomer with regard to the sauce, I feel like I have my old comfortable clothes that fit back again: slight introversion, intense drive to learn, responsible, etc. I tried on and wore something crazy for a while, and it wasn't me.

Chris.

I am fairly certain I wouldn't be able to stay sober if I was constantly surrounded by drinking and drugging. I suppose I got lucky that I have a teetotaling Wife who has never touched a drop. I stopped hanging out with most of my drinking buddies years ago when I moved on my own for work.

The only safe way to truly try to get sobriety right for you is to not put yourself in harm's way. I know this has got to be a tough choice for you but I honestly can't say your chances of staying sober are very good if you stay in this toxic environment.

Sorry you are dealing with some tough temptation.

After reading your post all I could think of was, Do you REALLY WANT to become sober? The reason I ask is because you chose the name ElegantlyWasted, you have an April 2006 Sober Recovery join date with 13 days of sobriety and you've committed (financially and emotionally) to living with a woman who has a drinking problem. It seems to me that YOUR CHOSEN ACTIONS don't support a sober life.

Please do not take this the wrong way, these are my thoughts after only reading your two little posts. I am sure there is much more to your story, but a view from another perspective might be helpful.

The guy with the coke was a client/potential client?

The most important thing I learned in my sobriety is the power of "No"

If someone wants me to go somewhere or do something I don't want too I can say no and not do it.