soberclover

So right about you not being alone. I was clean and sober for 13 years. My relapse lasted 8 years. I'm glad for you that your relapse did not take as long before you got it as far as coming back. I stopped going to meetings and I think I hid in my work in the substance abuse field thinking that I was ok. This round of recovery I'm in counseling and getting honest...really honest. I'm not going to meetings but I'm not opposed to it either. Clearly you have some issues that you need to have some help with in figuring out. It will help you figure out why your thoughts became so dark. You are very much worth it. There is no shame in returning; I think you are very brave. I am so glad you posted...you made me feel better that there are others like me who were clean and sober, relapsed and are now back.

Grungehead

I was sober for 7 years and went back out for a year. I got sober again for 7 years and went back out for 7 years. It didn't get better either time. But both times I went back to AA for support. I only have 3 weeks of sobriety but shared my story with another member who had 2 years of sobriety and just came back. The other members with long time sobriety thanked us for sharing. They said by us sharing our stories it helped to remind them that it can happen to anyone regardless of how long they have been sober.

Johno1967

LOM, you are most welcome. We are in this boat together. I feel cheated because I don't have the opportunity to go to meetings. Coming here on SR helps me and where I can I try to help others too. We are all from different corners of the world and have every race, creed, social standing and situation in SR yet we all come here for the same reason; to share, learn and recover.

LifeonMars

Soberclover and Grungehead thanks for telling your story. I so wanted to drink tonight but I know if I did, it would be even harder to stop again. This is HARD! I'm really craving booze badly. Should have gone to a meeting tonight but I didn't. Went last night.

Johno, I love this:
Pamel Thanks for your reply too, helps to know I'm not alone.

visch1

Good on ya LOM. I unfortunately identify an awful lot with your story which shows how powerful alcohol is to us. I bounced around AA for 2 years feeling the shame you spoke of and was told to keep coming which I did and finally heard what I needed, be honest with myself because what I heard most was sick alcohol thinking in my head. Most of us need a dedication to getting and staying sober for ourselves. It helped me to think about NOT drinking instead of that demon on my shoulder. It may not be easy but it's so satisfying to think back and say I don't have to get sober again. BE WELL

THEOjibway

you made me think about myself. I was you a year and 9 months ago. I am a 28 year old first nations guy. I drank and drank for fun at first then as time went on it was just so I could feel good and not care about anyone or anything. I almost lost my job because I skipped 3 days straight of work because I was busy drinking those days away. My last 4 day bender? I was drinking too kill myself as well. I was downing big bottles of straight vodka. I wanted to die. I wanted to not live anymore either. I didn't want help or felt I deserved help. I thought I would just keep drinking over and over but I didn't. Once I sobered up and stuck to my AA? I have been great ever since. Sure life has been stressful lately with alot of family death and then finding out my father whose in AA as well has been secretly drinking still and we caught him and now my mother is planning on moving out and not coming back. But I still stay sober and strong.

I know how you feel. Although you may be like yeah right. I am telling the truth. There is hope. Not everyone stays sober. Some stay sober and never touch booze again, others pick up and return and others don't return. But I'm sure you want to stay sober. It's all in the willpower my friend. I came to this site for 3 days straight as I was withdrawing. I was in the chatroom for 3 days because I was afraid to go to sleep because I felt like I would never wake up again. And trust me. Drinking to blackout isn't a good thing. I have done it myself and I was lucky to be alive the next morning. I was lying on my belly and I came to the next morning with my pillow and arms covered in vomit. Just imagine had I been sleeping on my back? yeah....

You can do it! Get help! One day when you get so much time being sober you'll come back and shake your head but smile and think how messed up you were but happy how well you are doing now. I hope this helps. It helped me and now I am spreading the speech of hope to others in need of hope. Everyone deserves happiness and everyone deserves to live and get help and you are one of those people and I am and everyone here. You're not alone and dont ever have to be.