redhead1982

I really need to kick this wine addiction as its ruining my life- ive been to the dr's, im on detox tablets, i bought a journal to write down ALL the ways alcohol is effecting me and my son- but come day 2 and im 'programmed' to go out and buy that wine. I just want to stop, i want that feeling to not take control of me but it does, despite my best intentions, i just keep failing. any advice would be appreciated as im desperate now, i cant go on like this.

ElegantlyWasted

Get a support group? Find some kind of program to work? Do you think you need pro medical detox assistance (not sure what you mean by "detox tablets") to get you over the initial hump?

redhead1982

Hiya the support group is miles from the small town i live in and are held at 8pm at night, and ive nobody to look after my son- although i am looking into a group held in the daytime, will be ringing up on monday about that. My dr put me on Librium tablets to help with the withdrawl symptoms is what I meant- but its such a low dose she put me on, they arent helping in the slightest. Im starting to think I just might need professional detox assistance at this point in time yes but again, i have my little boy who needs me.

Joe Nerv

If you're desperate enough, do a search for AA meetings in your area, go to one tonight, and get as involved as you possibly can taking every suggestion you hear and beginning a journey with the 12 steps. That is the absolute most sure fire method that I know of to get sober.

There are many other ways that work, but the above is IMO the most hardcore, and has the best success record for those who really dive into it, 100%.

I think the question really comes down to how much you truly want to be sober. I wish you the best. And trust that it's doable. Just about everyone on this forum has felt completely hopeless before they got sober.

Joe Nerv

Many parents take their children to meetings. The meeting is only an hour, and people are generally especially sympathetic to the newcomer who has a child with them.

redhead1982

my son is Autistic joe, so i cant take him to many places due to that fact, least of all an AA meeting. But im going to ring up about a meeting that is held at 1pm in the day, although i have a feeling its a closed meeting, but please god its not.x

Joe Nerv

I understand.

A closed meeting is where you SHOULD be going. It's for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking.

If you have any questions or doubts regarding AA, please ask on this board. People will be more than willing to help. Best of luck with all this, although luck has nothing to do with it. Perhaps I'll just say best wishes to you.

sugarbear1

That librium will help you to stop having problems while detoxing. They will not stop a craving or stop you from buying alcohol. They help by stopping your body from having high blood pressure which can lead to bad things.

YOU have to stop buying and consuming that alcohol. You CAN do this!! We are supporting you now!!!

Your son needs you fully present.

redhead1982

thanks for ur reply i was addicted to lorazepam and am also on valium now- but my tolerance level is very high when it comes to benzo's as a result, so i think a higher dose should have being given to me. Im going to see her about this on monday. But yes, it does just come down to the fact that I have to just NOT go and buy that alcohol. And thats the part thats the hardest- its like a different person takes control of my mind and sense of reason. I cleared out around 80-90 wine bottles from my house the other day with the help of someone- i was so disgusted when i saw the amount that had built up.

soberclover

Don't give up Red....once you get a few days under your belt without buying wine it will be easier. I totally get what you are experiencing. It does get better....I promise! Just don't drink...no matter what. You will discover that you are stronger then you think. You are so much more then you are/were when drinking. You need to do this and I know you can. You have to want to be sober...no matter what.

Dee74

break that programming

If meetings are too far/too awkward what about online meetings, or other recovery groups, what about seeing your DR for help, or counselling, or inpatient or outpatient rehab?

It's easy to list the things we can't do - we all did that

Think about what you're prepared to do, and do it redhead

D

Deckard

Redhead, I ran that same "program" to the liquor store myself. But think of it this way: a program is what runs a computer or a robot, not a human... not you. You do have the ability to choose for yourself.

It sounds like making it to a meeting or other help is difficult with your caretaking responsibilities. Question: if you were suddenly physically ill and had to be hospitalized, is there someone you would turn to (friend, family, neighbor) to help take care of your son? If so, you might consider turning to them right now for assistance. It sounds like you NEED to make this happen...

redhead1982

Hiya yes, its hard with regards to my son getting anywhere- all my family are in the next county and havent bothered with me and my son since my dad died, so thats been very hurtful. I have a friend in town, but she has 2 kids and her youngest is disabled so her hands are full. I have one other friend, he could possibly help me- scared of asking him for some reason. Im also scared of going to AA in a way- its not that im scared of facing up to my drinking problem, god knows ive done that already- its sitting in a room full of strangers.....my worst nightmare with social anxiety. the thought terrifies me.

Taking5

You are on alcohol and benzos. This is a double whammy especially during withdrawal. Withdrawal from alcohol OR benzos can be fatal. Since you have been using both, this is a special case.

I recommend you see an addiction specialist and not your normal Dr. who seems very amenable to writing you a script for more drugs. A second opinion if you will. Be 100% honest with this person on EVRYTHING you take and the amounts - even OTC meds as well.

Good luck.

redhead1982

yep, its very hard, being addicted to both- been addicted to benzo's for afew years now. meant to take 5mg of my valium 3 times daily- that does absolutely nothing for me, i always take about 7 in one go. i even took an OD in febuary of about 70-80 of my valium (after drinking) and just woke up the next morning. when i was back in my right frame of mind 2 days later i rang my dr to tell him what id done- i was scared id seriously damaged my organs or something- he just said "well theres nothing we can do now". cudnt have cared less.

Thereunconfined

Agree that the pattern just needs to be broken. There are physical craving, and then there are behavioral and mental habits. It's not just the consequences that you need to meditate upon, but also what is going on inside of you. AA would be a great step--I'm happy to hear you are looking into it!

paul99

You beat me to the recommendation of going to a noon time meeting. I assume your son is in some care at that time of the day? Then it would work out. As sugarbear said, your son needs you present, and you're not present when you're on wine and benzos. You will have to lean on people for this - this isn't something that we can do on our own power. Call in favours or whatever you need to do so that you can get out to meetings or whatever support group you choose. AA worked for me, and closed meetings are the best meetings. We all came into the rooms with anxiety and fears - that's normal and it goes away quickly once you hear people sharing - you will hear a lot of what's going on with you, no doubt!

All the best