Emily2002

Screwed up again tonight. Gave in to anxiety over stuff going on with two of my kids and having a full liquor cabinet nearby. Self medicating as usual.

I am so upset about this. I feel trapped, because short of leaving my husband and this home... I'll never be able to avoid the alcohol.

I'd joined the April class in the newcomer's section even though I've been at this for years. No surprise... here i am yet again... failing. Disappointing myself and friends her on SR. Part of me wants to say the hell with it all... why even bother? But the other part of me wants to keep on trying.

Just don't know what to do. As many times as I've told my husband and kids I want to stop and asked them to help, I've found myself lacking the support I need. I wish my husband could just stop too for a while. Just long enough for me to get a few months in. And I'd like my kids to lay off when we're out, too. It would make things a heck of a lot easier.

Anyway. Thanks for letting my vent.

terribob

It's hard when you have a spouse that still drinks. I know I can't have a full liquor cabinet. My wife still drinks but rarely around me and even less so to excess. Is it possible your husband could do the same and get the booze out of the house?

Don't beat yourself up. I'm less than two weeks back on the wagon. The important part is getting back on.

Emily2002

Thanks, terribob. I've asked him time and time again to join me, because it's hard for me on my own. He can't seem to do this, and quite frankly... I sometimes wonder if he has a problem, too. Once, about a year ago, I suggested that he himself might have a problem since he can't lay off the booze for more than two or three days to help me and he doesn't see it.

Thing is, I've been functioning quite well and haven't been causing any problem for anyone else but myself, so he nor my kids see any real problem at this point. I keep telling them I don't want to drink... that I feel better when I haven't and to them it's no big deal for me to fail. I don't know how to handle this, really, and I'm to to the point of despair.

As for you, two weeks is the BEST. I always start to feel so much more empowered at that point. I can't wait to get there again. THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me out here!!!

1newcreation

You're not a failure until you quit trying.

ElegantlyWasted

Keep quitting till you quit... There will always be a way to get alcohol if you really want it. That being said, most of us benefit greatly by limiting the people places things as much as possible early on. Don't beat yourself up. My join date here is 2006. Days without a drink? Ummmm 7 and some change. Regardless we're here for support.

Deckard

This whole forum is really just overrun with people who were exactly where you are now, and managed to beat it. There is absolutely no reason you can't do it too. If you have tried a number of times and the home/family support is not quite all there, is there some other person or friend or group you can look to in the meantime?

sparky78

Try to stay out of the house when he has his drinking nights. Plan some fun activities, the more time you get the easier it is. I live with 2 drunks due to safety reasons and digging myself out of the hole I created that no longer see themselves as having a major problem because they aren't as bad as I was (tho very close!) It was hard at first but now I understand that they are just still sick . It speaks volumes about the power of addiction as they would do anything for me otherwise but can't put down the bottle. Whereas I used to be jealous/angry/tempted I now just feel bad for them, see the way they act and feel and NEVER want to get to that.

fantail

My roommates keep alcohol in the house. The last time I tried to quit I felt just like you... the day I quit we had a party and someone brought like a GALLON of vodka, one of those giant bottles. No one really touched it at the party and it was just sitting around.

I think I finished it in less than two weeks, and that was while trying to quit!

This time it's been easier; my mind was just set this time so it hasn't been an issue. But I remember that situation really well.

Could you ask him to keep the liquor in a locked cabinet? I know it's kind of awkward but that's my back up plan. Fingers crossed I won't have to use it. But although I know I couldn't ask my roomies to keep a dry house, I think they'd be willing to go the lockbox route if I asked them to.

fruitymarzipan

Hugs Newleaf xx

flutter

I think this is where outside support is so critical. What else are you doing for your recovery? (meetings, counseling, etc?). Like someone above said, it's impossible to always avoid being around alcohol, but I think if you're doing some work on yourself, and getting support with it, it wont be such a big issue as time goes on (and that's unfortunately what it takes.. time).

bbthumper

Have you ever considered a recovery program?

visch1

Years ago when I came around the old timers said load up on fluids and sweets, like ice cream, sundaes, candy bars etc. because the body is screaming for sugar to replace the alcohol. Our lives are worth some calorie substitutes. BE WELL

Emily2002

I have, bbthumper, I did try making AA meetings a few years back but my schedule's always been so crazy and the most convenient meeting so far away that I've pretty much relied on SR to help me through. It may sound hard to believe, but I've come a long way.... just not far enough.

I just have to stay committed to reading and posting more often. Hard, but necessary.

THANK YOU

Emily2002

AA meetings are out for me (at least have been in the past and are now), but I'm not averse to hitting them if my schedule changes. In fact, I check every few months to see if any nearby have added times better for me.

I have been trying to eat better, I've started seeing my therapist more frequently again, and I singed up at the gym to work with a personal trainer. Unfortunately, I'm just finishing up antibiotics for an upper respiratory thing and was down for three, almost four weeks.

Thanks for the reminder that it takes time. I don't want to let up, as during this past attempt at sobriety I felt the strongest, most optimistic and committed. Here's hoping, praying, and everything in between. I want so much to be well.

Emily2002

I think mindset has soooo much to do with my being successful, too, fantail. Most importantly, remembering past situations is key. I need to work on that.

I've been reminded elsewhere, in other posts, that I'll always be around alcohol whether I like it or not and that only I can make the decision to drink. I don't think a lock box would work here, because it would probably end up working just in the beginning. My husband would end up unlocking it for me if I told him too, because 1) I don't think he really thinks I have a problem and 2) he doesn't really want to lose his drinking buddy.

It sounds like you have terrific roommates. Also ... I admire you so much for doing this for yourself. You're probably much younger than I, and a whole, wonderful life is ahead and you'll be enjoy it so much more without the burden of booze.

Emily2002

He drinks every night, unfortunately. And he would do anything for me, other than putting down the bottle. He's tried and doesn't last much longer than two days or so. I wouldn't call him a drunk, but I sometimes wonder if he has a problem like mine.

I hope to get to the point you're at again, Sparky... feeling stronger. I really appreciate the advice and so glad you're here and doing well. Keep it up!!!!

Emily2002

My join date was in 2006, too. Glad we're still here to support one another.

THANK YOU, and let's keep it up.

ru12

Newleaf, it was hard for me to quit when I thought by not drinking I was depriving myself of something valuable. Alan Carr's Easy Way book helped me to see alcohol for the poison it really is. Perhaps it would be worth a read.

waynetheking

Newleaf I hope ur better today?..just pray for rock bottom. God will bring u there. Then surrender. You will o when. Goodluck young lady. Were here for ya.

Caledonia1

Hi Newleaf
I can totally understand how you're feeling. My husband is a heavy drinker.

I would hope that the least your husband can do to help is hide his alcohol and respect your wished to stop drinking.

Do you at least have a quiet room you can go to when his drinking bothers you? Go for a nice hot bath and relax, maybe take up an activity like yoga etc.

Whatever you do don't give up please. It took me many years of failed attempts to get the last 13 months under my belt. You can do it!

Keep trying.

Big hugs
I can