Elisabeth888

My husband drinks and has liquor in the house, he keeps it in the basement in the "man cave" though. It has taken me a long time to accept that I cannot drink no matter what. I will have 7 months next week. I go to AA and work the steps with a sponsor.

Anna

New Leaf, I'm sorry that you're feeling discouraged. But, really this isn't about your husband or your children, not at all. It's about you, about what you want from your life, about what you think of yourself, about who you are. My suggestion is to go out and walk in the evenings when your husband is drinking, or go to your bedroom and read or watch a movie. You can do this.

Emily2002

I do have to focus on myself more, Anna. My identity has always been about doing things for others, and it's a hard habit to break. I plan on walking, reading or organizing ... maybe a combination, because there's a drink in his hand pretty much from 6 until bedtime. It's a shame, because I really never get to spend time with him. I'll wait 'til I'm stronger and then try spending a little time talking.

He did tell me he's trying to cut back to lose weight. That was just today, so maybe I've got him thinking....

Thanks, Anna. Your encouragement means a lot. I feel a lot better and less fragile after reading so many good words of advice since I posted last night. Gotta love SR.

Emily2002

Thank you, Elisabeth! You give me hope with your having made it to 7 months. I plan on not just checking in here, but POSTING every day from now on. I need to hold myself accountable, and I haven't been very good about that when I've failed.

Hoping I'll be where you are now, eventually.

Emily2002

I'll take those big hugs, Caledonia! I can't tell you how much your words helped me when I read them earlier today. I was running in and out again for a bit and couldn't post right away.

As I said to Elisabeth in response to her post, seeing people like you with a lot of sober time brings me great hope that I'll FINALLY be able to do this.

Hugs back and thank you.

deeker

Whatever you are doing is not working to keep you completely sober. Time to revamp.If you want what you've never had, you must do what you've never done. Insanity is not doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results; insanity is doing the same thing over and over again knowing full well what the results will be.

Where do you live? No Meetings? How about Celebrate Recovery?
If I was desperate enough and I was I'd go to any support group if I thought it would help. Lots of churches around, maybe you can find one with a group.

Emily2002

I do feel better today, Wayne, thank you. I met my sister at a restaurant today and we both passed up the wine. In fact, we had a really good talk about my wanting to get and stay sober for good.

I'm working on surrendering, on accepting the fact that I can't be a normal drinker. Thank you for helping me out when I needed it most. Reading here is putting me in the right frame of mind.

Emily2002

Deeker, I have looked for AA meetings nearby that fit our schedule. I'm helping my 81 year old dad out, still have one at home who can't drive to his after school activities (several), work part time, and volunteer around the community. Add in my visits to the therapist (as well as my son's), and I have limited opportunities to get to meetings. That's why I've been trying to read and post here.

BELIEVE ME I'm trying. I will keep trying, too. Haven't heard of Celebrate Recovery, but I'll look into it too. Thank you so much for the advice!!!!

Deckard

NewLeaf, you picked a great quote for your signature line. I hope you read it a few times tonight:

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."

deeker

NewLeaf- Whatever you put before your recovery, you will lose. Your recovery has to be a priority, with out it you won't have those other things for very long. Volunteer work before your recovery? hmmm

I work my schedule around my AA meetings not the other way around. This is a serious stuff. Are you? That could be why you are starting over again. Time to make some changes. How bad do you want sobriety is a question you have to ask yourself.

wiscsober

start back up calling and meeting with recovery people and going to meetings.

See where you can be of help to others.

Take care of those kids OK!

Thank you for your posts. You help me to stay sober.

Dee74

Hey NL

I could write an essay...but for me it boiled down to a simple acceptance.

I could be the person I wanted to be, or I could drink.
I couldn't do both.

I simply couldn't.

One of the great things about getting older for me is the realisation I don't have to do what other people do - even those closest to me.

I can, literally, do whatever I want - within reason of course.

Neither addiction or recovery is really about anyone else, not really.
If we want to we can train ourselves to stay serene in the middle of a hurricane.

Staying sober in a world of drinkers seems a lot more achievable to me.

Getting sober, and staying that way, has been the making of me - I've grown so much, experienced so much more...some people even comment favourably on my wisdom these days. That's a real trip for a guy who lived the life I did.

You have a great opportunity to be the person you want to be, and to leave behind the kind of legacy and life lessons I know you want to leave behind.

All you need to do is give up one thing.

It will take a little courage,m a little determination, and a little faith but I know you have all those things in spades.

You just have to decide, once and for all, which mast to nail your colours to

D

foodie1

Thank you for this thread NewLeaf, I just posted a nearly identical one, not realizing yours was here. Unfortunately I don't have any answers for you, but I can tell you that it's at least possible to get 20 months sober time while living with a heavy drinker/alcoholic. That's where I'm at today so I know you can do it!

From other people's wisdom on here I can see it's not about asking our partners to change what they're doing, but for us to change our reactions to it. Unfortunately for me, the set-up of our house is not ideal for this, but it sounds like I'll be spending every night alone in our bedroom while he drinks his evening. I foresee a lot of SR time... Well I do have other hobbies, and my meetings, so I guess it's really not that bad.

I wish you all the best NewLeaf! AA has made my recovery possible and Al-Anon has been very helpful to me with this particular issue. Stay strong and take care of yourself!