Thanks
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Thanks
I am writing to introduce myself and to say “thank you” to all of you who have been posting on SR. I owe you a profound debt of gratitude.
Today is 180 days sober for me. I have checked in and read SR posts on almost every single one of those 180 days. Your words have been incredibly important to me. I doubt I could have done this without SR. You have helped me to recognize that this obsession, which I experienced in a very solitary way, is actually not uncommon. You have given me practical advice. Your stories have reminded me of the fear and shame and hopelessness that I once felt, even as those feelings have mercifully begun to recede. Collectively, you have given me an example to follow and a path home.
Six months ago I realized how the story was going to end. I was drinking every day, of course, in progressively increasing amounts and also at wildly inappropriate times. It was clear to me that I was putting everything I cared about – my family and my professional commitments, especially – at great risk. I could see that it was only a matter of time. And yet, incredibly, I did not stop. The most important word to me in the Big Book is “baffling” (as in, “Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot” p. 23; “More baffling still…” p. 26; “This is the baffling feature…” p. 34; “Once confused and baffled…” pp. 50-51; “… situations which used to baffle us” p. 84; “Tell him how baffled you were…” p. 92; “It was so baffling, so heartbreaking” p. 107) – because this captures exactly the mixture of confusion and helplessness I felt…
Now, I not only have achieved six months, but I KNOW I can keep this up. I understand the dangers of complacency and I will always be working to stay sober. But I am officially upgrading to cautiously optimistic…. The feeling of freedom and relief is overwhelming.
So, why have I not posted until now? By a few weeks in I was in a mindset of “don’t mess with what’s working,” and reading passively on SR seemed to be doing the trick. But six months is a good threshold. I hope to post more here, and if I can give to someone in need even a tenth of the support and power you all have given me, I will have only begun to repay this gift.
This is serious business, and this forum saves lives. I think it saved mine.
Today is 180 days sober for me. I have checked in and read SR posts on almost every single one of those 180 days. Your words have been incredibly important to me. I doubt I could have done this without SR. You have helped me to recognize that this obsession, which I experienced in a very solitary way, is actually not uncommon. You have given me practical advice. Your stories have reminded me of the fear and shame and hopelessness that I once felt, even as those feelings have mercifully begun to recede. Collectively, you have given me an example to follow and a path home.
Six months ago I realized how the story was going to end. I was drinking every day, of course, in progressively increasing amounts and also at wildly inappropriate times. It was clear to me that I was putting everything I cared about – my family and my professional commitments, especially – at great risk. I could see that it was only a matter of time. And yet, incredibly, I did not stop. The most important word to me in the Big Book is “baffling” (as in, “Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot” p. 23; “More baffling still…” p. 26; “This is the baffling feature…” p. 34; “Once confused and baffled…” pp. 50-51; “… situations which used to baffle us” p. 84; “Tell him how baffled you were…” p. 92; “It was so baffling, so heartbreaking” p. 107) – because this captures exactly the mixture of confusion and helplessness I felt…
Now, I not only have achieved six months, but I KNOW I can keep this up. I understand the dangers of complacency and I will always be working to stay sober. But I am officially upgrading to cautiously optimistic…. The feeling of freedom and relief is overwhelming.
So, why have I not posted until now? By a few weeks in I was in a mindset of “don’t mess with what’s working,” and reading passively on SR seemed to be doing the trick. But six months is a good threshold. I hope to post more here, and if I can give to someone in need even a tenth of the support and power you all have given me, I will have only begun to repay this gift.
This is serious business, and this forum saves lives. I think it saved mine.
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