NorweiganWood

Hello everyone...
So I know I post on here a lot about my family. Well, my mother, who has taken my phone and computer away because "she bought it, so its hers" is not using my phone as her own. Mind you, I've begged for my phone back because I need it for my job and i've frequently had to cancel my tutoring appointments because i can't get in touch with the people I tutor. So the fact that she's using my phone as her own just made me really ******* mad this morning.

Next, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with my sister because she is 23, lives at home (just like I do), has no job, and makes D's and F's in school. I'm frustrated with her because my parents do not punish her or take away her things like they take away mine. I went to rehab last year and made a complete 360, I have great grades, I have had a job for the past year, I recently got a fellowship to D.C. and I'm applying for law school in the fall. But I feel like all of those accomplishments have been erased because I relapsed awhile ago (I'm 66 days sober today!).

Lastly, I'm in the middle of taking finals, having papers due, etc. The typical college stuff and I'm having to deal with other peoples requests for me to help them. I keep saying yes and I help people on my assignments and I get even more stressed out because then I'm too tired to do my own.

I'm just ANGRY because I feel like this is karma. I feel like because I drank and did terrible things to people when I was drinking this is my punishment. I want to cry every two seconds and its hard to hold it in while I'm in the middle of school and everyone else seems like they're just fine.

Can any of you all help me? Please..

Grymt

I'm inclined to think that you are doing good. After letting go of something that has been a significant part of ones life a grief sets in and the end stages are anger and sadness before acceptance. It comes in waves and in a fractured way at times but basically you are close to an acceptance. To facilitate this approach it sober and be gentle with yourself.

Platypus

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time.

First off, you're not being punished. God, if he exists, is not some vengeful old man who doles out punishments from the sky, and if he was, there would be a lot of people much higher up the list (mass murderers, child molestors, politicians etc), than you.

You have stopped drinking, which is a magnificent achievement, not negated in the slightest by slipping up. Almost everyone does - I've yet to hear of a single person who quit drinking for good on their very first attempt.

66 days is something you should be proud of. Now you are in the position to get your life sorted out without everything being blurred and obscured by the alcoholic crutch.

You say you're in college and applying for law school - so presumably you will be moving out of home quite soon? I guarantee you you will find your mother a lot easier to deal with when you're not living with her.

In the meantime, are you able to access any counselling or therapy? Most colleges offer a free or subsidised counselling service to students, and having someone non-judgemental listen to you can really help. I'd also recommend setting up some form of therapy when you move for law school.

This will help with confidence and assertiveness, so you can say "NO" to people who ask you for help when you have too much work of your own. In fact, with all the studying, tutoring, working, and recovering, perhaps you have too much on your plate as it is?

Try not to pay too much attention to how your parents treat your sister. Maybe they feel sorry for her because she is making such poor grades, and doesn't have the bright future you do - so they feel they have to be "harder" on you to ensure you reach your full potential, while realising she won't really go far.

In short, stop blaming and criticising yourself so much. You are doing a great job and achieving many things. Try to be proud of yourself, your strength and your accomplishments, rather than always looking for ways to beat yourself up.

JillyJill74

I hate my life too right now. I'm depressed and lost over it and way older than you. I'm 38 and quit teaching after 10 years and have been stuck for four years since. I am lucky enough to live with a supportive fiancé, just as you being able to live at home right now. I have four older sisters and it is funny how the parents seem to favor one over the other. I know that's not a popular statement, but true. I think this is where we need to take control of our lives in a positive way and go with it. If no one is on board, reminding us of past failures, distance yourself. Don't cut them
off, but like I did...go from two visits a year to one. I know you still live there, but get through it and live the life you want while you are still young. If they don't accept it, they can't help you be a better person.

NorweiganWood

Thanks everyone. Reading all of these replies calmed me down a little bit. Life is all about acceptance, and I just have to accept my situation and be patient as I move out soon..

It's just difficult sometimes dealing with major events all at once.

fantail

Side note on logistics... you can get a phone and a plan for not too much money. I still had a flip phone until just a few months ago because I didn't want to pay for a smart phone, and it was pretty cheap.

If even the basic plans are out of your price range, there are also pay-as-you-go plans. I think T-Mobile has one, and I know there are pre-paid sim cards that you can get at Best Buy.

I wouldn't suggest doing anything behind your mother's back, since that would just hurt the relationship more. But I think it would be reasonable to do the research, find an option you can afford, and then let her know that as you need a phone for work, you're going to be purchasing a cheap plan. Ask her if there are any concerns that she has, etc. It could be a good opportunity for the two of you to discuss the situation more in depth. While "I paid for it, so I can use it" is a valid reason for her to take your devices, it doesn't explain why she thinks taking them away is important. It would probably be useful for both of you to discuss what exactly she's trying to do. Is she trying to help you learn about consequences? Is she afraid that you'll contact people who will get you in to trouble? etc. If you discuss getting a phone on your own, my guess is she'll either a) be impressed that you're taking a pragmatic approach, or b) be scared that you'll be taking some sort of action that will jeopardize your sobriety. Either way that would be a good conversation, I think.

Boleo

Actually, viewing it as Karma is not a bad idea. Now you need to start generating some good Karma.

How? By making amends to the people you have harmed. By taking suggestions from someone more spiritual than yourself. By taking an inventory of your anger, resentments and harm to others.

If this sounds like 12 step type work, it is. One can view some of the 12 steps as good Karma and get results that way. There is more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking. Treating emotions requires extra work no matter what type of program you use.

Busby56

I've got one HUGE karma deficit to dig out from under. Decades-worth.