ziv2

so six months ago I decided to quit drinking. It has been great so far! Not waking up hung over every morning, not having to worry about what stupid things I said or did while I was drunk, I have the motivation to work out, and best of all, I'm not a slave to the bottle anymore.

My problem right now - in AA it is often said to change "people, places, and things." I have some pretty close work buddies. When I was drinking, I used to love going out to Happy Hour with them. Mainly because it was a good excuse to drink. I had a good time, and always enjoyed their friendship, whether we were out drinking at Happy Hour, or whether we were sober in the office.

Now that I'm not drinking, I honestly have no desire to go out drinking with them. Sitting around for hours upon end at a bar/restaurant talking to people is not something I enjoy anymore. I probably only enjoyed it in the 1st place because I got to get drunk lol!

It's like every single week they invite me to a Happy Hour, but honestly I have absolutely no desire to go sit around sober while they drink. I'd rather be working out or doing something productive. I have gone out to Happy Hour with them a couple of times since I stopped drinking, and I can tell they are weirded out that I don't drink anymore. I have not, and do not want to tell them that I am an alcoholic.

I'm just not sure what to do - when they ask me to go to Happy Hour, I seriously have absolutely zero desire to go, but at the same time I do not want to lose their friendships. I can tell they are starting to get offended that I have been avoiding their Happy Hours for the last couple of months. They even planned one for a month out - and I'm already trying to find excuses not to go!

So I don't really have a specific question - half venting, half seeing if anyone has some advice. Like I said - I don't want to lose them as friends, but I honestly dread them asking me to go to Happy Hours!! I could suggest an alternative activity, but honestly, I have been feeling some resentment deep down inside about this whole situation!! (Them bugging me to go to HH all the time, and not being able to tell them the truth - that I used to like going b/c I loved getting drunk - now, I have other pleasures that are much better than getting wasted all the time!)

ziv2

Oh, and one other thing I wanted to vent. Over the last six months of me not drinking, they keep thinking something is wrong! I have lost a lot of weight since I stopped drinking (cutting out 10 beers a day worth of calories and working out will do that to ya!) But it just bothers me so much, that they think something is wrong.. when in reality, things have not been better!! They only know the "loves drinking" version of me.. not the "real me", who pretty much just loves sports and working out. The way I look at it.. I'm back to the real me, the person I used to be before alcohol got in the way. When they think I'm being weird, and something is wrong!

visch1

There will be a lot of suggestions so here's mine. Plain out say your not drinking anymore. Perhaps add that you break out, don't say where. I for awhile said that the allergic reaction I was having was just too much to handle and was getting dangerous for me. Maybe others also.
I found that most drinking "friends" weren't and I got many true ones from AA meetings.
BE WELL

Davebizzle

Now days there is way too much associated with alcohol. Men think its all we can do because if you don't you must be gay and women do it to try prove a point that they can be just as equal as man. It's quiet sad really because when you consider the fact that most people don't have jobs or get paid they always find money for drinking , drink comes first.

aasharon90

Breaking away from the "pack" is hard
because we don't want to hurt other peoples
feelings. In order to remain sober I had
to make up my mind of what's more important
in my life, my health and state of mind.

My "so called friends" continued on with their
own agendas of life without skipping a beat
probably not giving me an ounce of thought
and my own issues.

I had to put myself, my own health, state
of mind, my own recovery first because if
I didn't do that then I wouldn't have anything.

No life, No self, No job, No care, compassion,
trust, honesty, willingness, No Purpose in anything.

There was and is more important reasons in
life that I needed and still need to remain sober
and many in recovery have learned the same.

If you are happy and content within your recovery
so far, then be patient and continue on your
journey each day doing the next best thing
towards yours recovery and the promises stated
in our Big Book Of AA will come true to enjoy
for many years to come.

My purpose in life is to pass on my own ESH-
experiences, strengths and hopes of what my
life was and is like before, during and after
alcohol to others still struggling with addiction.

In doing so, I am a healthier, happier, honest
member in recovery today.

So can you.

instant

I dont have a solution but i feel for ya. A couple of people have gone real cold on me since i stopped. They are still partying, im not there. I guess i never really was. Writing this made me remember of a couple of really heavy sessions that did not end well, but coulda been worse.

Im over the tears, this is the way i live now.

Platypus

I sympathise.

I think the claiming alcohol allergy is a good strategy. You can say you were having some strange health symptoms, so went to the doctors who diagnosed an alcohol allergy. It's a white lie, but people are very reluctant to challenge what doctors say, so it should keep your friends off your back more than just saying you've decided to quit.

Instead of going to Happy Hour with your friends, why not suggest going out for a meal instead? They can still drink if they want, but you get to do something more interesting than just sitting there and sipping a water. People drink less and get less drunk when there's food involved, so you should get better conversations out of them too.

Or you could suggest seeing a movie pre-drinks - and then just go for a quick soft drink with them afterwards and leave before things get too rowdy. That way you get to socialise and do something interesting, and they still get to get drunk if they want.

Or you could go ten-pin bowling? That's another sociable activity where people can drink if they want, but you don't have to and still get to socialise doing something fun.

doggonecarl

Are they work buddies? or friends?

Suggest an non-alcohol related after-work event...call it a sober happy hour, coffee, a visit to an arcade, something. Friends will accept.

Drinking buddies will decline and drink.

sable1

I Think that you should do what feels comfortabel for you it' s totally okey to feel uncomfortable around a bunch of people who sits around gettig drunk, when you're sober. It' s very different if it' s a dinner or event where other things are going on beside the drinking, but in general I see no Point in hanging around people and places where the Main thing going on is the drinking. I would just say that I prefer to hang out sober now that I no longer drink, I' m sure that they will respect you for it

kiki26

I had to sadly accept the fact that some people wouldn't be in my life anymore. I agree with the person above who said to suggest a sober activity. If they agree great! If not they were just drinking buddies. I still get upset by feeling left out of drinking activities. But the more and more time that passes it gets easier. I've replaced my happy hour time with productive things and it's nice to see how much more I get done.

deeker

Gotta protect your recovery no matter what. They will get over it. If they don't support your recovery and choice to avoid drinking situations they really are not your friends.I'd tell them the truth.

Fallow

I would say go ahead and get honest with them. They have seen you show up to happy hours and not drink already but they keep asking you? There's gotta be a reason.

In no way would I say 'I am an alcoholic'. I would simply wait for the right moment and tell em that you decided to quit. Drinking caused problems for me. I am happier without it. I stopped enjoying it.

Anything like that. The very simple truth.

I have not really told many people. My true friends were happy for me, encouraging, or didn't care. My drinking buddies are a mixed bag. Some I have not talked to. It's nothing personal they just don't wanna hang around staying sober and I'm not drinking. They don't really miss me.

If they have a problem with your decision it is out of your hands no matter how you say it. At that point are they true friends or just coworkers?

So why be uncomfortable about it?

Gottalife

Why not tell your friends why alcohol disagrees with you - you have an allergy?

I once started a new job with a very active social side after work. They always invited me and I always refused. I didn't occur to me to be worried about what they thought, and I don't really think they spent much time thinking about me. My priority was to stay sober and I didn't feel confident enough to join them.

A while later I was well enough to join them and, much to my surprise, it really was social and not alcoholic. These folks did not drink like I did.

ziv2

Thanks everyone for the responses!! I will definitely take these suggestions into consideration!