why do I keep relapsing?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
why do I keep relapsing?
the question is more like why the desire to drink comes back to me so strong that I give into it. picking up the phone, talking to sponsors, going to meetings, praying and meditating from sun rise to sun set, working the steps, going to jail, getting couple of scars on my forehead and face, none of it makes me stay sober more than a couple of months. this been going on for well over a decade.
I even went on Meds for panic attack, depressing and waht not.
I even went on Meds for panic attack, depressing and waht not.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi notincontrol
Whenever I drank again I took it as a sign I wasn't doing enough.
I'm not saying that to be cruel or judgemental it's just a simple statement of fact.
You're in AA - have you thought about getting a sponsor & doing the steps?
what changes have you made to your life? do you still do the same things with the same people?
do you have a support network to call or talk to when you feel like drinking? do you use it?
are there other factors that need to be addressed too - mental health, depression, stress etc?
how committed am I really to staying sober?
I don't need answers, but I think questions like that are useful to ask ourselves?
D
Whenever I drank again I took it as a sign I wasn't doing enough.
I'm not saying that to be cruel or judgemental it's just a simple statement of fact.
You're in AA - have you thought about getting a sponsor & doing the steps?
what changes have you made to your life? do you still do the same things with the same people?
do you have a support network to call or talk to when you feel like drinking? do you use it?
are there other factors that need to be addressed too - mental health, depression, stress etc?
how committed am I really to staying sober?
I don't need answers, but I think questions like that are useful to ask ourselves?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kingston PA
Posts: 10
notincontrol
I am really sorry that you had a relapse.... Well, just brush yourself off and try again. I guess for some of us it's harder. Please don't give up. You know deep down that you want to change and it will happen. Today is day 1 for me and I'm so scared that I won't be able to do it! I wish only the best for you.
MJ
MJ
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
I agree with the others - never give up, and try something different. I had to really want a sober life - and it took me a few tries to make it over all the hurdles. I kept insisting I could control the amounts I drank, and when I finally knew that wasn't possible, I surrendered. Glad you are coming here to talk about it, notincontrol.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 273
In my opinion: because you think too much about it. Even your username is "notincontrol." It's a self-fulfilled prophecy. The less you ask yourself 'can I stop? Will I succeed' the less you will think about alcohol and the less you will be tempted to drink. Fill your life with things you can do that are productive, don't give yourself hours to think about whether or not you should drink. Just become so busy, have so many goals, that there isn't time to waste drinking.
That is my philosophy, and it works for me. I don't care about god I don't care about steps I don't care about rules. I just keep myself occupied with other stuff. Do that for a few months and even in your idle moments it won't be alluring anymore. You'll forget why you even cared so much. When I had trouble, I constantly asked myself questions like "am I an alcoholic, what is an alcoholic, what have I done to my health, what will happen to my health if I go on like this, what is the nature of an alcohol addict's brain, how much time have I wasted, what's the point in this or that? Would a drink make me feel better? How much do I drink to feel this sick or this relaxed? Can I feel relaxed without a drink? Does drinking even feel good anymore? Will it feel good ever again? What was the last time, how many days ago, how much?" and so on. It's a one track mind, a broken record. Just let it all go and throw the record out, buy a new one with a productive hobby. Your life isn't drinking, your life isn't quitting either. Be a complex person with multiple interests. Don't get tunnel vision. Put things into perspective... In 3 words: live your life. Drinking is not much of a life and neither is not drinking, if you understand what I mean. Your life is your friends, your hobbies, your career, your personal development. Worry about those things, don't worry about the drug ;p You'll forget about the drug if you fill your brain with more important things. Replace negatives with positives, don't just remove negatives till there's nothing left.
Woosh. It's your life running past you. Go catch it before it's over or some other cliches I can fill this post with.
That is my philosophy, and it works for me. I don't care about god I don't care about steps I don't care about rules. I just keep myself occupied with other stuff. Do that for a few months and even in your idle moments it won't be alluring anymore. You'll forget why you even cared so much. When I had trouble, I constantly asked myself questions like "am I an alcoholic, what is an alcoholic, what have I done to my health, what will happen to my health if I go on like this, what is the nature of an alcohol addict's brain, how much time have I wasted, what's the point in this or that? Would a drink make me feel better? How much do I drink to feel this sick or this relaxed? Can I feel relaxed without a drink? Does drinking even feel good anymore? Will it feel good ever again? What was the last time, how many days ago, how much?" and so on. It's a one track mind, a broken record. Just let it all go and throw the record out, buy a new one with a productive hobby. Your life isn't drinking, your life isn't quitting either. Be a complex person with multiple interests. Don't get tunnel vision. Put things into perspective... In 3 words: live your life. Drinking is not much of a life and neither is not drinking, if you understand what I mean. Your life is your friends, your hobbies, your career, your personal development. Worry about those things, don't worry about the drug ;p You'll forget about the drug if you fill your brain with more important things. Replace negatives with positives, don't just remove negatives till there's nothing left.
Woosh. It's your life running past you. Go catch it before it's over or some other cliches I can fill this post with.
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
Oh this is a real easy 1...U haven't done step 1 thoroughly & honestly...as long as you think you can enter that cage w/ the orangutan & think you can kick his ass, you will loose every time!! Guaranteed
Give it up coz it sucks for sure
Give it up coz it sucks for sure
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lexington SC
Posts: 25
I also suffered from anxiety issues, which I used as a reason to drink, needed to "calm down". While I totally believe AA and a strong support system is the key to successful, sustainable sobriety, I did find somethings very helpful to avoid relapse, they sound trivial but worked for me. Being outdoors. I thought it was just the light, fresh air, until my dr. told me I was deficiant in vitamin D , common with alcoholics. That makes sense, taking an hour in the sunshine, took the edge off. Also, excersize,excersize, excersize. A well know stress reducer. I am no tri athlete by any means! But throw my Nikes on and give me a treadmill and I am new woman an hour later. Amazing results on cravings and anxiety after only a week. Just some ideas. Never give up. Sobriety is possible, tangible, and WONDERFUL!
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, "This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round." The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: "Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal." I'm free and I'm grateful!
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, "This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round." The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: "Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal." I'm free and I'm grateful!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 243
God Bless. I know how it feels. It took me 4 years to get a week, now i have two months and i have lost the obsession to use. I live in AA. I pray morning and night, meditate, read spiritual lit, study the big book go to two to three meetings a day, call my sponsor, ive worked the steps in one month and im now going to start sponsoring people. Im on the special needs committe and i do a lot of service, i love aa, this is what i need. And i was a pill popping, hard drinking, heroin addict. But if i do relapse ill come right back.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I agree with Che's points.
A change in my progress happened when I decided to fully embrace the idea of living a sober life unconditionally. It's different mindset than 'giving up' something and for me was the beginning of some would see as a 'spiritual awakening'.
A change in my progress happened when I decided to fully embrace the idea of living a sober life unconditionally. It's different mindset than 'giving up' something and for me was the beginning of some would see as a 'spiritual awakening'.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
As long as I thought there was something in that bottle that was of value to me I felt deprived when I couldn't have it. Allan Carr's Easy Way book helped me to see alcohol for the poison it reall is. Until then I kept being taught the lesson of the little boy who finds out that he really didn't want to hold the bee after all.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
Originally Posted by Che 
In my opinion: because you think too much about it. Even your username is "notincontrol." It's a self-fulfilled prophecy. The less you ask yourself 'can I stop? Will I succeed' the less you will think about alcohol and the less you will be tempted to drink. Fill your life with things you can do that are productive, don't give yourself hours to think about whether or not you should drink. Just become so busy, have so many goals, that there isn't time to waste drinking.
That is my philosophy, and it works for me. I don't care about god I don't care about steps I don't care about rules. I just keep myself occupied with other stuff. Do that for a few months and even in your idle moments it won't be alluring anymore. You'll forget why you even cared so much. When I had trouble, I constantly asked myself questions like "am I an alcoholic, what is an alcoholic, what have I done to my health, what will happen to my health if I go on like this, what is the nature of an alcohol addict's brain, how much time have I wasted, what's the point in this or that? Would a drink make me feel better? How much do I drink to feel this sick or this relaxed? Can I feel relaxed without a drink? Does drinking even feel good anymore? Will it feel good ever again? What was the last time, how many days ago, how much?" and so on. It's a one track mind, a broken record. Just let it all go and throw the record out, buy a new one with a productive hobby. Your life isn't drinking, your life isn't quitting either. Be a complex person with multiple interests. Don't get tunnel vision. Put things into perspective... In 3 words: live your life. Drinking is not much of a life and neither is not drinking, if you understand what I mean. Your life is your friends, your hobbies, your career, your personal development. Worry about those things, don't worry about the drug ;p You'll forget about the drug if you fill your brain with more important things. Replace negatives with positives, don't just remove negatives till there's nothing left.
Woosh. It's your life running past you. Go catch it before it's over or some other cliches I can fill this post with.
That is my philosophy, and it works for me. I don't care about god I don't care about steps I don't care about rules. I just keep myself occupied with other stuff. Do that for a few months and even in your idle moments it won't be alluring anymore. You'll forget why you even cared so much. When I had trouble, I constantly asked myself questions like "am I an alcoholic, what is an alcoholic, what have I done to my health, what will happen to my health if I go on like this, what is the nature of an alcohol addict's brain, how much time have I wasted, what's the point in this or that? Would a drink make me feel better? How much do I drink to feel this sick or this relaxed? Can I feel relaxed without a drink? Does drinking even feel good anymore? Will it feel good ever again? What was the last time, how many days ago, how much?" and so on. It's a one track mind, a broken record. Just let it all go and throw the record out, buy a new one with a productive hobby. Your life isn't drinking, your life isn't quitting either. Be a complex person with multiple interests. Don't get tunnel vision. Put things into perspective... In 3 words: live your life. Drinking is not much of a life and neither is not drinking, if you understand what I mean. Your life is your friends, your hobbies, your career, your personal development. Worry about those things, don't worry about the drug ;p You'll forget about the drug if you fill your brain with more important things. Replace negatives with positives, don't just remove negatives till there's nothing left.
Woosh. It's your life running past you. Go catch it before it's over or some other cliches I can fill this post with.
. There's gold in them thar hills.Thanks for that. What I get out of it is do something different. Do things that have goodness in them. Find a balance. Moderate.
I'd add that things will become simpler with less structure and an approach in that vein of gathering the things tools whatever works and apply them more than not.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
My gut feeling when I read the opening post is that you keep relapsing because you fear you will not be able to deal with life sober.
Stick around here and I think you will "catch" some hope and faith that you, like so many other hopeless wrecks can indeed recover. It seems impossible at first, we feel like there is no way WE can do what others have done, then we read the experiences of others and it starts to sink in that recovery is possible and worth the effort.
Stick around here and I think you will "catch" some hope and faith that you, like so many other hopeless wrecks can indeed recover. It seems impossible at first, we feel like there is no way WE can do what others have done, then we read the experiences of others and it starts to sink in that recovery is possible and worth the effort.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kingston PA
Posts: 10
Well, back to the beginning again. I just don't know where to start. Back to day 2 again. I don't know. I feel so sluggish etc... on day two or three then my phone will ring and then everything down the drain. I just don't know anymore.......... Can't talk to anyone in my family - never! Well I just hope I can get to day 3 ( tomorrow)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by notincontrol
the question is more like why the desire to drink comes back to me so strong that I give into it. picking up the phone, talking to sponsors, going to meetings, praying and meditating from sun rise to sun set, working the steps, going to jail, getting couple of scars on my forehead and face, none of it makes me stay sober more than a couple of months. this been going on for well over a decade.
I even went on Meds for panic attack, depressing and waht not.
I even went on Meds for panic attack, depressing and waht not.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by notincontrol
the question is more like why the desire to drink comes back to me so strong that I give into it. picking up the phone, talking to sponsors, going to meetings, praying and meditating from sun rise to sun set, working the steps, going to jail, getting couple of scars on my forehead and face, none of it makes me stay sober more than a couple of months. this been going on for well over a decade.
I even went on Meds for panic attack, depressing and waht not.
I even went on Meds for panic attack, depressing and waht not.
The Big Book offers suggestions on some likely causes, and my experience is the same: something held back in step 5, or an amends we refuse to make.
Many sponsors stop at step 9 and do not teach beyond that. Step 10 is vital to maintaining permanent recovery and should, IMO, be practiced from day one. Clean up any new mistakes as we go along, don't let them build up and overwhelm you, fix them as they happen. Do that and repetitions of steps 4 and 5 become superfluous.
The problem with the demons of the past, and the build up of new mistakes is that, unless dealt with honestly and thoroughly, they block you from the sunlight of the spirit, and stand between you and permanent sobriety.
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