KeyHeart

Well I reached the point that I figured would come. The first 30-some odd days were great. NOW, as is par for the course for all of us, I'm doing "so well," that maybe I didn't have a problem with alcohol. "Oh look, no withdrawals, no discomfort, you probably just needed a break to reset yourself," my AV says.
I find myself imagining HORRIBLE situations where it would be okay, even encouraged, to drink. Maybe a terrorist attack. Maybe someone I love will die. Hey, it could happen.

This is HARD but I will NOT give in. NOPE I WON'T. I don't want to be trashy drunk mom anymore. I want to be like Audrey Hepburn. Not Courtney Love.

I guess the AV Beast arose yesterday talking to an old friend on the phone yesterday who was congratulating me and saying that perhaps she and her husband should think about quitting as well. I felt so good about myself, I felt like such a postive influence on my friends and family. And that made me want to drink!

Okay. Today I will focus on my job, after work I will do laundry, make a healthy dinner, give my son a bath and go the flip to sleep. And drink a heck of a lot of tea.

Veritas1

For me the fear of not drinking went away mostly.

I do best when I keep my thoughts on today, instead of future tripping!

How can I best live today. What can I do today to help my family.

When I drink, I overdrink always. When I drink, I make myself sick always.

When I drink, I regret is always.

Come up with a list of your own. It's helpful not to forget the truth of alcohol.

You can do it!

soberclover

I'm not sure I understand "reaching the point that you knew would come". It appears that you are having an expectation that something will happen. I've learned to not have expectations; it's a set up for me to find an excuse to relapse. Due to recent events in Boston it is no wonder that you have thoughts of terrible things happening. What I admire is the positive attitude that you have about the steps that you are going to take to stay sober; your plan sounds wonderful!

sober1ck

Key, I'm early on, just at the 3 month mark for the i-don't-knowieth time.

One opinion I've formed for identifying my own insanity is entertaining the notion (not original of course) that my mind has been working on getting me a fix long before a reason presents itself.

My mind just wants the happy neurons to fire more, and the reasons seem to come out of a butt hole in the universe somewhere.

It's toughest when both my B.S. reasons and my feelings line up together, then it takes a kind of miracle to get around the crave.

I've got standby reasons that are true-ish... been a good boy, everyone takes a break sometimes, i'm not chemically dependent anymore, drinking isn't killing my gf... be nice to be in her reality once in awhile, ........on and on like that

I just have no idea. I hang out here a lot. I think it is helping, at least I hope so!

freshstart57

KeyHeart, not all of us view our situation being influenced by our Addictive Voice, and this might explain the replies you have already received which don't refer to your understanding.

Many successful sober folks do share your view, however, and this might be a good thing for you. I found that there was a lot to be gained by viewing my alcoholism as a struggle with my base, less-evolved self because it gave me a way to understand and rise above this struggle with the drive to get buzzed and plastered. Trolleyed, if you will.

The Secular Connections forum is the home for discussions about Addictive Voice Recognition Technique, or AVRT. Here is an introduction to the idea that may help you. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

So, believe in yourself, in your right to live a life without addiction, and your ability to achieve it. I bet you are the sort of person who can do it, too! Best to you.

KeyHeart

Most of the time I feel pretty and strong and confident and powerful over The Beast. But that 1% of the time? I get overwhelmed and horrified.
I have WAY more work to do on my AVRT. And SR helps a LOT.

john44

This should be carved in stone. I do best living in the here and now myself. And it just doesn't mean drinking. When I start living in the future I can start worrying and fantasizing about all sorts of horrible stuff. When I find myself doing it, I try to make a BIG effort to stop.

gunther84

My problem has been, I know what to do when things are going bad around me....when something in my life has me off balance. In the past, I've gone to a meeting on these days and shared, and felt better afterwards. They say sharing and being truthful cuts a problem in half, and I believe that's true to a degree.
My real problem occurs when things are going GOOD.....when my wife is content and when I don't feel annoyed or under pressure. Its been these times, for me, when I picked up again. And then each time, after the bottom has fallen out, and it always falls out, that's when I hunker down again in sickness, fear, and humiliation. If I keep up this cycle, one of these times my bottom can possible lower than just feeling like this for a while....I could wind up dead, maimed or in jail. That probably will not happen if I don't take that first drink. I must remember this always

sparky78

Sometimes anniversaries 30, 60, 90 etc. can be hard as you almost want to reward yourself for being good for awhile. Don't give in, it gets better and the longer you go the less you want to drink. Weeks 6-8 can get tough because you feel so much better, start to forget how bad it was, and may start to romanticize about alcohol. Stick with it, you're worth it!