Justfor1

I have close to a decade of trying to recover. "In & out" of AA sometimes only putting forth 50% of effort. At times simply looking for a hand out at meetings & conning members. However, sometimes I would put 100% into recovery & still end up drunk. 6 months is a common relapse point along with 10 months. I believe I have close to 11 months now & thoughts of drinking are creeping in. I know I'm an alcoholic & drug addict. I don't care. I continue to feel hopeless in sobriety.The hole I dug myself is simply too big to dig out of. I know I need help but the substance abuse approach isn't working.

Dee74

You made some awesome strides in the last few years j41.
It would be a tragic for you to throw that away now.

There's been times I felt like drinking too - but I didn't.
We can choose not to drink...if we're prepared to put in the effort.

I upped my support and I put in the work to stay sober.

Maybe you need to do some work on believing you're worth the effort?
I believe you are

D

least

You've come too far to throw it all away. Please don't give up now.

Tippingpoint

It's 100% up to you.

bigsombrero

I am nearing the end of my first year as well, and in my experience there have been many ups and downs. When I think back to the downs, I'm sure glad I went through those times sober as opposed to drunk.

My thoughts: Remember also the physical issues that will return: health problems, memory problems, skin problems, mental health issues, back problems, foot problems you name it I had it! Not to mention what alcohol does to your brain and emotions. None of this will be any better if you drink. If you're depressed, there are doctors, there are groups you can seek out. SR is one of them and I'm glad you shared this. But just don't go back to drinking. All the best!

Sudz No More

Ain't no turning back now Buddy. You can't throw all that away, Rome was not built in a day.

Jsober

The first year is long! It feels like ten. Hang in there, you're almost there. Drinking and using will not solve a thing and will probably create more problems. Congrats on 11 months!

Justfor1

Thanks everyone. I just am having a lot of depression creeping in. I finally have a psych Dr. appointment in 2 weeks. I have not seen a doctor concerning my meds in almost 9 months. I don't have insurance & it is a low income clinic. My old Dr. retired & I liked working w/ her. Maybe this is what I deserve since I do not have normal insurance? I'm out of my "anti-anxiety meds" & feel agitated.

TheEnd

If you think the hole is too big now, just keep drinking and watch it get bigger. One day it might just swallow you up. Don't let what you want right now, get in the way of what you really want. Drugs and alcohol are only short term fixes.

Aviva

Like all of us, you just have to get through today.

And in my case, I need to do something each day to begin to address "outside issues" in ways that support my sobriety. What are your options for getting the medical care that you need?

Random (maybe not so random) question: do you have a pet?

instant

Thoughts come and thoughts go

Its what we do that matters

FBL

I started getting some weird thoughts right around my one year mark. Turns out they were very fleeting and I'm now approaching 4 years sober.

You can do it! We'd love to see you over at the "one year and over club" very soon.

laurie6781

I had the 'CRAZIES' my first AA birthday. They started about 5 weeks before and thankfully I had a loving and very 'frank' sponsor who explained to me that it happens with most of us, just some a lot worse than others, and I was one of the worst, "Holy batman", sheesh It was really bad, and I was UP and then Down, DOWN and then Up. It went on for another 3 or 4 weeks after also. The one thing I did NOT do was drink.

These rather dramatic episodes continued on each of my AA birthdays, maybe not quite as bad as my first but they did continue. It was not until I was in my 9th year that I finally found out about some of 'my other medical/health issues' (that the BB talks about sometimes we need additional help) and came to find out I was BiPolar. With the proper medications I finally was experiencing what others experience around their 'sober birthdays' and not near what I had been, so

(((((Jf1))))) hang in there! The one thing to remember no matter how bad you feel this is, DON'T DRINK AND/OR USE. You have your appointment, hang in there until you can talk to this new Dr, tell them what is happening to you and you do not want to self medicate anymore.

You can do this!!!! I know you can!!!!! Use all that 'bullheadedness' and 'stubbornness' that you used to use to keep drinking and using, and now use it in a positive way to NOT drink or use! Dig your heels in like a stubborn mule and say NO to the Addict Voice that is now working on you.

Love and hugs,

Justfor1

Thanx Laurie.