Urgent-ish
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 48
Urgent-ish
My sponsor and other AA contact aren't answering their phones and I'm having a conversation with my mom soon and II need help figuring out what I can say to her.
I relapsed two months ago, she's upset, and she is resentful, bitter, etc. I have already apologized to her, but she hasn't been receptive. My dad is forcing me to have this conversation with her (although I kind of want to) but, I feel like I've said everything else I can say....
Does anyone have any suggestions?
I relapsed two months ago, she's upset, and she is resentful, bitter, etc. I have already apologized to her, but she hasn't been receptive. My dad is forcing me to have this conversation with her (although I kind of want to) but, I feel like I've said everything else I can say....
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
One of my old friends here is in AlAnon...one of her favorite sayings is 'you (the alcoholic) doesn't set the timetable for my recovery'
That means we can't set the timetable for when people will forgive us, trust us again, or stop being mad at us.
I always found actions to be far greater than words, myself.
I made a lot of promises...and broke a lot too.
Continue to be sober, be thoughtful, responsible and adult in your decisions, and people will notice that, NW.
D
That means we can't set the timetable for when people will forgive us, trust us again, or stop being mad at us.
I always found actions to be far greater than words, myself.
I made a lot of promises...and broke a lot too.
Continue to be sober, be thoughtful, responsible and adult in your decisions, and people will notice that, NW.
D
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
What I said to my mom was this:
"Mom I know you are disappointed in me and all that I have not accomplished due to my drinking. All I can say is, stand back and watch, one day at a time I am not drinking and am getting a bit better. I will continue to stay sober."
And then I would change the subject. I know that almost every conversation we had from that first one forward, somewhere in the conversation I would have to say the above and change the subject.
By about one year sober I noticed the subject wasn't coming up much any more, expect for her to once in a great while mention how proud she was of me for someting I had recently accomplished.
By 3 years sober, I finally had the 'gut feeling' that I had 'earned her trust.' I kept that trusting going until her passing in Feb of '04 and I still keep it going, knowing she is watching over me with a smile on her face.
You can keep the 'topic' short, have a 'positive tone' in your voice, no outlandish promises, keep it simple and then change the subject.
Your ACTIONS not your words will be what over time reassures her that you have found the road to recovery.
Each call will get a bit easier!
Love and hugs,
"Mom I know you are disappointed in me and all that I have not accomplished due to my drinking. All I can say is, stand back and watch, one day at a time I am not drinking and am getting a bit better. I will continue to stay sober."
And then I would change the subject. I know that almost every conversation we had from that first one forward, somewhere in the conversation I would have to say the above and change the subject.
By about one year sober I noticed the subject wasn't coming up much any more, expect for her to once in a great while mention how proud she was of me for someting I had recently accomplished.
By 3 years sober, I finally had the 'gut feeling' that I had 'earned her trust.' I kept that trusting going until her passing in Feb of '04 and I still keep it going, knowing she is watching over me with a smile on her face.
You can keep the 'topic' short, have a 'positive tone' in your voice, no outlandish promises, keep it simple and then change the subject.
Your ACTIONS not your words will be what over time reassures her that you have found the road to recovery.
Each call will get a bit easier!
Love and hugs,
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