KeyHeart

I knew the drinkers in my life would throw up roadblocks, but I didn't imagine how desperate they would get to hold on to a drinking buddy. I've always cheered on people who make a change, any change, for the better. Whether quitting drinking, or smoking, or, just, anything for the best. That my "friend" could text me yesterday "COME OUT AND PLAY," (her standard weekend bar invite), and then later on, when we ran into each other she IMPLORED ME TO GO DRINK WITH HER. ("Come on, just sit with me and have a drink already.)
I'm LIVID. ABSOLUTELY LIVID.
We exchanged some tense emails today, but the crux of it is that I told her it's beyond my realm why anyone would invite a dry alcoholic to a bar to drink, and she replied, "Well I never knew you thought you were an alcoholic." OH PLEASE. You don't treat any teatotaller (sp?) like that. I don't drink, I don't want to, you inviting me to drink is a slap in the face.

Add to this my dear brother in law who is a horrible MESS. Saturday night in an alcoholic blackout rage, he threw something through his TV, and it was my long-suffering husband who went to his house, cleaned up the mess, even going the following day to pick up, carry home, and install a new TV for his brother. I implored him to NOT clean up, to not fix anything, to let his brother suffer the consequences of his actions. It was a full 24 hours before anyone even told brother in law HE was the one who broke the TV. He'd blamed it on a nephew.

So I tell my husband to stop enabling his brother (he's not young, he's not healthy, and he's in bad shape). My husband replied "You're sober, like what, three weeks now? You have no right. I don't know how many times I've essentially done the exact same thing for you."

Fabulous.

Fandy

A very wise person on this board (Dear Ann) told me the following..." The difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days".

I think you may be venting...do it here. It's not going to help matters if you are picking an argument at your husband's choice to help his brother.

Hope you feel better, don't engage in emails with people who are not supportive, give it a week or 2 before you invite her for coffee if you value her friendship.

Tamerua

I would say it is time to work on you. I am not sure which recovery plan you are using, but follow it, work on bettering yourself, show everyone how serious you are. If you're like me, you've said in the past to your spouse and drinking buddies how you were going to cut back or dry up for some length of time (sometimes WHILE drinking)... I had to show that I would stand by that.

Good luck and congratulations on 3 weeks.

KeyHeart

Phew. Thanks! I need a dose of sanity. I'm just so used to putting up with ANYTHING just as long as I knew I could drink, ya know?
Oh, also picked a fight with my brother in law to stop tearing the family apart. But that went well: I offered him help WHEN AND IF HE CHOOSES to stop drinking and he says that his time is NOW. So THAT'S good. If he keeps up like this I swear he wouldn't have another five years on this earth. It's hard for the family, too, his drinking, because basically the whole extended family lives in the same apartment building. Such close proximity to such destruction is causing very serious ripple-effects in each little family unit. Husbands against wives, parents against chilren, sisters against brothers, it's horrible.
Anyway, OKAY!
I'm babbling. I don't know how to cope! I don't want to drink, not tempted, but I need to figure out what sober people do in situations like these!

redneckrecovery

My wife said this to me once. "You haven't been sober that long, it's only been a couple weeks." I said to her. "I fight a war every single minute of every single day to stay sober, you have no idea how hard it is. By saying that you have cheapened my accomplishment and you don't respect me or my sobriety. Don't you EVER say anything like that ever again."

If that was to happen now, since I've been sober almost a year, I would be able to sit down and calmly explain to her how that was inapproriate and very belittling.

Don't ever let anyone discredit your sobriety because of the length no matter how long or how short.

Also:

Get new friends.

KeyHeart

Thanks much, RNeck!

redneckrecovery

Oh yeah, one other thing. My wife and I started to get along better, much better, after she started going to Al-Anon.

Maybe your husband can go.

KeyHeart

Ooooohhhhhh that's a fantastic idea!
Like most people, he'll probably be initially averse to the idea, but that's really worth putting out there.
Between my family, his family, and the friends we chose to surround ourselves with, well shoot, we could start our own chapter!