Thereunconfined

I went on a two day binge earlier this week, which isn't something that I've done in years. I don't feel bad for myself, but I am afraid and I am suffering. I went to a meeting earlier and I just feel numb with pain, if you know what I mean. It's so exhausting. I'm so tired. I'm scared because I don't remember every moment of all this drinking. I'm scared because I would rather just do it again than go through these feelings. That seems like cowardice, in a way. And in another way, it makes perfect sense. I don't know. I felt very strong just a short while ago, but I'm so ******* sensitive to the changes that go on around me. My therapist says that I don't have a strong sense of self, and this is very true. I'm exhausted with begging for forgiveness, hiding and feeling in terror. I'm exhausted with my emotional demons. I don't even know what I care about anymore. Sorry to be a bummer. I sincerely hope everyone else is having a better day than this.

Dee74

I found my sense of self developed...but only with therapy and abstinence.
I couldn't find my real self if I was drunk.

The crux of the matter is finding the courage to see through tough or fearful times and emotions without drinking.

If courage is hard to muster, then faith in others in recovery, and their support, works too until you find that courage and sense of self

You can do this

D

deeker

There, hang in there. Keep talkin about it. You will find real support in here. I am glad you went to a meeting. Those feelings will pass try to suck it up and not drink. You don't want to add more crap to your nightmare right?

Make a new beginning. Just for today!

Sudz No More

I'm glad you are hashing things out here. Whenever I struggle I always feel stronger after sharing my feelings in confidence. Try not to worry too much and just look forward to tomorrow. Before you know it those days are going to start adding up again.

Hang in there, you're not alone

Hevyn

You are not a bummer - we are here for times like this, and we understand. You'll go through many phases, but you can make it to a healthy and happy life. Please be patient with yourself.