NorweiganWood

My sister is in town and I am looking for advice on how to handle her. She has a very strange personality, she is pretty controlling, rude, condescending, and temperamental. I don't want to "snap" on her, or make her vacation a bad experience, so I need advice on how to handle her when she's being not so nice.

To put everyone in context: She was depressed and attempted suicide three years ago and now her life is amazing but she doesn't have the ability to empathize or understand other people's problems. She's emotionally immature and avoids any emotion other than happiness unless someone else "makes her angry". She knows about my alcoholism, but doesn't believe that it is alcoholism, she believes that I am just not disciplined and a deviant. Essentially, I feel let down by her because I cannot talk to her about my disease at all and she thinks its all a joke while I was there for her in the hospital when she was depressed and tried to kill herself.

HOW can I deal with this?

Zee

You have made her sound like a real catch!
If it was me (because Im a coward) I'd take a vacation!

Maybe, put yourself in a kind of bubble... no deep conversations, laugh at her jokes, nod at all the correct times... get through it... wave her goodbye... then come back here to SR and SHOUT ABOUT HOW SHIZ IT WAS! That's what we are here for x

Anna

Your sister sounds like a very toxic person.

I needed to remove toxic people from my life when I began to recover, and yes, that included a family member. Your sister obviously had a struggle with depression, but that doesn't make it okay to treat you badly.

doggonecarl

Expectations...get rid of them. Your sister is incapable of meeting yours. So spare yourself the disappointment. She's your sister; do sister stuff. Don't make her your recovery partner.

That's what we are for.

NorweiganWood

Ah, so true! I keep expecting her to understand my problems, and I need to accept that right now she is not capable of doing that, and I need to let go...

The Prayer of St. Francis has been a reoccurring theme in my life this week... I'm seeking to be understood before I understand, but I need to "seek to understand before I am understood".

Thanks!

Zee

She may be on super high strength 'happy pills'... I also have an over-bearing sister... seriously, I just nod and agree with her... it is not worth it IMO... SR is your sanctuary where you can rant... I'm not sure I agree about shutting her out just yet.... see how this visit goes and make more solid decisions afterwards HTH x

fantail

Sounds a lot like my sister! Over the years I've tried different approaches... at one point I didn't see her or speak with her for two years. But we're both in our late twenties and are mellowing out. I've learned not to give her advice, because she resents me when I try... and not to ask her about my problems, because she always thinks I have it easier than she does. I think for a long time I was trying to change her or change our relationship in ways that just aren't possible. Now I try to accept it as it is and bond with her over the stuff that I know we can talk about without fighting. Also I've started to pay closer attention to my own behavior and stop myself from playing into it. It's amazing how siblings can turn us back into children sometimes.

DryRoastJim

Politely tell her, until she grows up, you have no use for her and to kindly stay away from you. I think you should "snap" on her!! Granted she is family, but if all she brings you is misery, would accept that from say me?