JillyJill74

I have been with the same guy for almost 11 years, I knew early on that he wasn't for me. He doesn't like to fish or go camping, things he said he liked. I have made my choices but I feel I've been had. I feel he lied in the beginning to get me and now our life is sitting in front of the tv every night while he platys games on the computer.. I feel i want to cheat. I hate this life.

Impurrfect

((Jilly)) - So what is stopping you from living the life you want? I don't mean that to sound mean, and I do appreciate the years you've spend with this guy.

I can only say that I spent over 20 years with a guy, only to find out he couldn't give me what I wanted, but he was totally immersed on what HE wanted....drinking, other women, etc.

You deserve a life that gives you what you want. We can't get what we want from someone else, especially an alcoholic/addict (and I know...I am a recovering addict/recovering codependent).

When we go after what is best for us? Life isn't always great (there are ups and downs) but we have many more ups than downs.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

fantail

You can leave. I dated a string of emotionally abusive men because I was afraid to be alone and I've got one of those crazy-boyfriend magnetic fields. Finally a couple years ago the last one got physical and I quit my boyfriend habit. I haven't found someone for a serious relationship yet, but I've discovered that being single is way better than being in a bad relationship. Instead of spending all my time with someone who brings me down, I'm free to spend my time with my friends, who make me happy. I know it's really hard... that last one is literally the only relationship I've ever ended myself, and really I was practically forced by the circumstances. Every other one I stayed until they dumped me, no matter how bad it got. My longest relationship was four years, so I know you have a lot more history with your partner than I've ever experienced. But I really think you should consider why you're staying with this guy... and if you can't find compelling reasons beyond fear or convenience, then don't cheat, just end it.

instant

Live the life you want. Who you are with is not the whole deal

Ptcapote

What an awesome description, Fan! So true for me too, unfortunately. My friend says that I am "Every crazy person's Christmas present" which, in some cases, may have been a case of "like attracts like."

JillyJill74

I don't work right now so I need to focus on that so I can leave. It's just so hard.

Sudz No More

living with the wrong person has got to be unhealthy for both of you. I supposed I'm just surprised it took you 11 years to come to this point. Either way, the sooner you make the change the sooner you can get back to living your life for you. In recovery sometimes you need to think about what is important to you before anything else. Find the income you need and make the move so you can begin the rest of your life.

1newcreation

Hey Jill,
I hear the cry of u're writing coz I sobered but this "thing" I'm married to doesn't want that. I undst that just coz I changed the world doesn't but she's wrecked my car & stolen my pain pills & I'm only here 4 1 reason:I can't drive until July! My sobriety & serenity are my top choices & I refuse to live this way anymore. I only pray that the good Lord will give me the courage to wait patiently & learn what it is He's trying to teach me w/ a good attitude

deeker

Make your own happiness. He is not responsible for making you happy. Make friends in AA, go to sober gatherings. For me, only God could fill that hole.

fantail

Haha yep! In my case as well, for sure. I don't know how I manage to always attract awesome friends but terrible boyfriends, but it's definitely got something to do with my own nuttiness.

fantail

Are you job hunting?