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I only post drunk...

Old 04-09-2013, 07:58 PM
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I only post drunk...

Good Lord, this place still seems like HOME to me, every time my drinking starts to overwhelm my life and my health...which is quite often!

But I won't address it unless I'm inebriated; I only want to stop drinking when I'm drunk; does this make sense to anyone? Tomorrow, when my poor liver and brain have recovered enough, I know I'll start drinking, because it's what I do...another fifth, another crying jag, and suddenly find myself back here looking for help; it has to get pretty scary-bad before I come back here, and it is, right now...again!

I'm so glad you're all here, and I know you know...I'm pretty scared now, and it keeps bringing me back here every time I try to envision a little hope; I do feel hope here, reading posts for hours, but I only do it drunk, which makes me feel...wrong, or something! But I truly appreciate this online community, I think it's phenomenal...I just don't feel like I deserve it when I'm nowhere near sober!

Just another cryin' drunk,
Arpeggioh
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Old 04-09-2013, 08:01 PM
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I've been on here doing the same thing high as a kite. Lol just learn some tools and tricks and when your ready you'll have lots of information to help you.
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Old 04-09-2013, 08:01 PM
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Im sry your are in so much pain
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Old 04-09-2013, 08:13 PM
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Have you tried AA? Log on here daily! Trust me it helps!
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Old 04-09-2013, 08:18 PM
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I have been doing the same thing. I also only feel like quitting when I drink and usually do something stupid or embarrassing and feel like a huge loser. I deactivated my Facebook account today for that very reason. I am starting over and it's just enough already. We can try and quit together. Everyone here is or was in our shoes. It's the best place to start.
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Old 04-09-2013, 08:23 PM
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Why not make a commitment to post here regularly arpeggioh?
You'll get a lot more out of SR posting sober and regularly

D
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Old 04-09-2013, 08:41 PM
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Dee: are you seriously suggesting that I post here before I start drinking for seventeen hours? Why, that's just crazy talk! (I know, sarcasm doesn't read well on forum sites...)

I do feel a huge affiliation with this forum, and I honestly feel it can help me process my thoughts, and give me acres of advice from others in recovery...I just have to commit to posting, and know that I'm accepted here; I'm working on that, I'd just rather be sober when I post, hence the ongoing challenge. Thank you, I've read you a lot over the years!
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Old 04-09-2013, 09:12 PM
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I honestly think SR saved my life - I know it changed it
I really hope to see you here more often

D
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Old 04-09-2013, 09:23 PM
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DEFINETLY spoken like a true alcoholic. That first step is sometimes SOOOO hard to take but you're right there. After years of drinking every day, can't remember my last sober day before May 16 of last year, it still took a D.U.I. and blown finances before I woke up but I know a guy with 6 D.U.I's who lost his job and STILL drinks so who knows? You'll figure it out. Good luck and welcome.
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Old 04-09-2013, 09:28 PM
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I did the same thing but mostly @ f2f meetings I did that for years then eventually quit meetings all together because i realized i was wasting AA folks time and the meetings were no help to me drunk
Recently i decided i really did want to quit and started to meetings again only sober this time. Dont quit comin here and dont give up, because one day that miricale will happen and u will want to get sober more than u want to he drunk.
LOL my former sponcer once told me that I am sopoused to call her b4 I drink even if the phone weighs 1000 pounds. so give it a try post b4 u drink and wait for responces for a little while b4 u pick up.
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Old 04-09-2013, 09:37 PM
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ps: your signature is the epitome of hopefulness! I really want to believe it..but I certainly love the message, even while I wonder...
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Old 04-09-2013, 09:46 PM
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Arpeggio, (terrific name),

I'm so struck by your wonderful honesty. I too - along with quite a few others, I reckon - have posted drunk. Indeed, I've been drinking today (long story, but essentially stuck in a repeating relapse cycle). I found SR just to read - before joining - back when I was really in the thick of it, a couple of years ago. The warmth of people here really attracted me too.

The best part of SR is that it welcomes all-comers, almost whatever state they're in. Once joined, as long as people abide by the various forum rules, we can just talk, listen, talk again....

I truly hope that you (too) can just wake up one day and say 'enough with the drinking'. Seeing you're a longer term member than I, you'll know full well that all manner of people will join you on that journey.
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Old 04-09-2013, 09:52 PM
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Signature was aimed at D...but SEE? Support for drunken posting people is damned near immediate, and so much appreciated!! This community, where we only type stuff, is so important to me...god, I'm drunk, and I so don't wanna be...and "you guys" are immediately there, with support and good words that make me feel less awful about myself...y'all have no idea...

Thanks,
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Old 04-10-2013, 06:57 AM
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Have you thought about posting when sober. Or if you're that far gone (been there) when you're most sober?
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Old 04-10-2013, 07:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Arpeggioh View Post
But I won't address it unless I'm inebriated; I only want to stop drinking when I'm drunk; does this make sense to anyone? Tomorrow, when my poor liver and brain have recovered enough, I know I'll start drinking, because it's what I do...another fifth, another crying jag, and suddenly find myself back here looking for help; it has to get pretty scary-bad before I come back here, and it is, right now...again!
Just another cryin' drunk,
Arpeggioh
From, "The Doctor's Opinion (Dr. Silkworth) in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition:
We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives.

If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholics we appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us a while on the firing line, see the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children; let the solving of these problems become a part of their daily work, and even of their sleeping moments, and the most cynical will not wonder that we have accepted and encouraged this movement. We feel, after many years of experience, that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the altruistic movement now growing up among them.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

On the other hand—and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand—once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
This business of alcoholism being an allergy allowed me to stop fighting and ask for help. I was always being told, "Why don't you just quit? You have no willpower; Why don't you ________________? Alcoholics have willpower, believe you me. Who else will drink until they throw up, clean off, and do it some more?

When I was drinking, I couldn't stop until something or someone made me stop (usually blacking out followed by gravity). When I wasn't drinking, I couldn't stop thinking about starting. See, stopping was never problem--stopping starting again was. As it turns out, I was not a bad person trying to get good, I was a sick person trying to get well...

Try sitting in a room with others who are just like you rather than huddled over a screen. It worked for me, it just might work for you.
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Old 04-10-2013, 07:47 AM
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Alcoholism is a prison with the key inside the cell.
I hope you find it in yourself to turn that key.
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Old 04-10-2013, 10:24 AM
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I really identify with wanting to quit drinking when I was drinking and then changing my mind when I was sober. I was like, wait, no this sucks too!
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Old 04-10-2013, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by skg View Post
From, "The Doctor's Opinion (Dr. Silkworth) in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition:This business of alcoholism being an allergy allowed me to stop fighting and ask for help. I was always being told, "Why don't you just quit? You have no willpower; Why don't you ________________? Alcoholics have willpower, believe you me. Who else will drink until they throw up, clean off, and do it some more?

When I was drinking, I couldn't stop until something or someone made me stop (usually blacking out followed by gravity). When I wasn't drinking, I couldn't stop thinking about starting. See, stopping was never problem--stopping starting again was. As it turns out, I was not a bad person trying to get good, I was a sick person trying to get well.
I wish there was some way of thanking your post many many times!

Superb post, thanks
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Old 04-10-2013, 02:17 PM
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Took me a near death experience to quit (alcoholic hepatitis)... I wanted to quit but was scared to because it was all I had known for 20 odd years. Even then... I recently relapsed (what a tool, but it took me that relapse to know that I wanted to quit for myself and not for my ailing liver!) Once you get over the first few of weeks, life can become more manageable (it's not easy, but worth it)... the first time I had a natural high and a sober belly-laugh was the best experience ever. I was cranky and angry for a while... even got a bit of OCD, I'm over that part... I even delivered my dogs puppies last year sober... it's just time.... time to change... we are always here for you
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Old 04-10-2013, 02:19 PM
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I've found my sig to be true arpeggioh

D
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