Gollum

Afternoon All,
I often visit these forums and it has been my savings grace many times. Last week was an especially bad week for me and my AH.

Anyway, I have a question and I am not sure it is one anyone can know the answer too but your insight and self experiences would be much appreciated.

The short story is this ... My AH used one drug or another daily for approx the last 8/9 years. His primary drug being alcohol.

In May 2010 after several failed attempts to stay sober, he asked to go to rehab. He stayed sober for 7 months, but failed to work a program or go to AA etc..

Eeventually he started taking cocaine, which then led back to alcohol. Approx 8 months later, he agreed to go back to rehab.

He stayed sober for 9 months, this time he worked his program until recently and again relapsed by taking cocaine.

This week he picked up a drink, he stayed drunk for 5 days. The drinking came to a halt after he caused criminal damage to my company car and as a result woke up in a police cell.

After being sober for 9 months and having achieved so much, this weeks events have absolutely crushed him. It has been about a year and a half since he has been in trouble withn the police and we had succeeded in buying our new home and his business is making a profit etc so it really is a shocking feeling to be back here...

As you'd expect he is currently full of remorse and today has contacted the support numbers the police have given too him as we live in a new area now.

We spoke in depth yesterday to try and establish how this lapse happened.... and to be fair to him he knew where he went wrong and was very open and honest. We identified he wasn't keen on the new meeting in our new area as where as his previous meeting he enjoyed. He also felt fine so felt there was less importance to go to meetings and they were starting to bore him. He says he noticed he'd stopped saying his morning serenity prey. He also admitted to feeling that as he had achieved so much with the house and business that he maybe deserved a little reward .... that he can't drink so cocaine it is. Then it was I'll just have one drink .... and 5 days later!

So here is my question .....

In the past he has not been able to stop his drinking pattern unless admitted to rehab.

I do feel he is stronger and more informed re: his illness but what are our next steps?

Should he be going back to rehab immediately?

Or

Will getting back into a support Network be enough to put a stop to this slip before his full old drinking patterns surface?

Can somebody who required rehab in the past get sober without rehab this time?

I hope rehab will have provided him with the tools to work on his recovery but not being an addict it is difficult for me to say.

Any thoughts you can give would be greatly appreciated. Many Thanks.

Rubysoho

Does he have a sponsor? Or can he call someone that he was close to in his old meeting?
I wouldn't like to comment on whether he should go back to rehab or not. I think that only he really knows whether that would help.
I'm 7months sober now, I really don't like going to AA but I'm making myself go because its all I can do really! I also attended a 3month outpatient rehab kind of course that explained to me the nature of addiction, and the science behind it. Both things have helped.
It sounds like he really needs to be doing something every day to stay sober, whether it is speaking to a sponsor or AA friend, going to a meeting, posting on here, reading the big book, writing a journal.
I'm not feeling very strong at the moment, so I've been trying to focus as much on my recovery as possible and so far its kept me from relapsing.
I'm not the best person to give advice, because I'm only 7months sober. But his recovery should take priority over everything at the moment. I wish you guys the best of luck.

Gollum

Thanks RubySoho. Unfortunately when he is struggling he seems to go into his shell of denial, that he'll be alright and keeps quiet about it. Still recovery is a journey and I can only hope he is slowly but surely learning from his mistakes. He had some good contacts at his original meeting, I have suggested he pay them a visit tomorrow. He has the mini version of the big book which I have suggested he read also but he is not really a fan of reading. Well done at being 7 months sober and well done for stay determined when you are finding it hard. I wish all the success in the world, keep up the good work.

Rubysoho

I think reconnecting with his friends from his original meeting is a great idea. I didn't have a support network when I started out, and my addiction stopped me from asking for help when I needed it. He probably doesn't want to see them because he feels like he's failed, but he hasn't. by picking himself up and starting again, he's doing the right thing. Hopefully the people from his original meeting will give him a boost :-)

Gollum

Thanks Ruby. He does feel very ashamed and that he has failed but that is not the case. He is not really big on talking anyway, he is quiet private and has allot of pride. All of which dont help his recovery... still I shall encourage him to keep trying. I have just read your recent post Ruby, I remember something one of my AH counsellors said while he was in rehab. That everyone's journey is different. You may struggle now but that doesn't mean you will struggle forever. Stick at it, your worth recovery. Take Care.

Rubysoho

Thank you for your support :-) I'm trying to stay positive and put my recovery first. I'm looking forward to having a future, but some days its really hard. Will keep on going!

Gollum

As my late Nan would say '' Nothing worth doing comes easy''. Good luck Ruby.

Toeknee567

To answer the question about rehab or not, well not an answer but some personal expierience. For me I needed to goto rehab the first time. I never would have stopped if I didnt. That being said, after I had went and started working a program and learning more and more about recovery, the seed had been planted. I have relapsed a couple of times along the way, but I never had to go back to rehab to clean up. I knew what I had to do to get sober. Now I would only go back if i physically needed to detox with meds... Have him find a new meeting or 2, good luck to you both.

fantail

It sounds to me like the quitting itself is no longer the problem for him...it's learning how to live for extended periods of time without intoxicants. For example, the fact that he felt that he deserved a reward and decided that needed to be a substance of some kind. For him to stay sober in the long run, he's going to need to find other ways to reward himself, other ways to de-stress, etc... things that he actually enjoys and appreciates, not just a half substitute for getting inebriated.

Along with getting back into meetings, I'd definitely recommend a few sessions with an counselor who specializes in addictions. I've heard great things and they give the personalized coaching that many of us need. I'll be going myself when I've got a little more sober time under my belt and start to get to the big questions of how to maintain it.