Lost
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 90
Lost
I feel so lost lately. I pushed myself to an AA meeting a few weeks ago. I have gone to 2 or 3. I actually enjoyed them. But the past few weeks I figured I was fine and did not need AA. I could handle drinking on my own. I made it 20 days sober and then the other day I just drank. As soon as drinking crosses my mind I begin to obsess over it. I have used alcohol to self-medicate my depression/anxiety. Today I just feel angry and depressed that I keep going back into this cycle. I am not used to asking people for help, I think that is why I stopped trying out meetings. Has anyone else ever felt like this? I know I want to stop drinking for good, I guess I just let my negative thoughts take over and I give up.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I really hated asking people for help too - but it was clear to me, over and over, that I couldn't do this on my own.
I think everyone needs support - whether it's SR, or AA or some other recovery group, or counselling or whatever - and I think we all need to keep working on staying sober...if you stop putting in the effort changes are you'll fall back.
Stop letting pride and fear and whatever else there is stopping you from doing what you need to do, Strength
D
I think everyone needs support - whether it's SR, or AA or some other recovery group, or counselling or whatever - and I think we all need to keep working on staying sober...if you stop putting in the effort changes are you'll fall back.
Stop letting pride and fear and whatever else there is stopping you from doing what you need to do, Strength
D
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I could so relate to what you said about not wanting to ask for help. All of my life I have hated to ask for help. It seemed like asking for help was not only admitting defeat but it always left me feeling so small, afraid, and vulnerable.
Even after 12 years of sobriety I still at times fight with asking for help. It is one thing that I constantly seem to struggle with but I have learned that there are times when it is not only necessary but essential that I ask for help and it is well worth the risk of feeling so small and vulnerable.
To stop drinking I had to ask for help. It took complete and utter desperation for me to do that. I was on the verge of suicide as I did not know what else to do because I knew I could no longer go on living drinking but I had no idea how to live without drinking so I figured my only option was just to kill myself and get it over with. That was the first time in many years that I had actually asked for help but thankfully a hand was there when I reached out. Over the years I have had to reach out many times and ask for help. Fortunately because I was able to put my fears aside long enough to reached out I have been able to maintain my sobriety so far.
One of the things that helped me to get better at asking for help was a suggestion made to me in my first 30 days of sobriety. A woman told me to ask for a phone/call list if one was not given to me in a meeting. Then each day pick a number on that call list and call it. She said it did not matter if I felt like I had something I needed to talk about or not, just talk about my day if necessary, but what was important was establishing that habit of picking up that 1000 pound phone and reaching out because then when I needed help I would be better able to do it. I not only gained the benefit of the phone being easier to pick up when I needed help but I also gained a support group and friends by doing this. Many of whom are still in my life today.
Take care, you are not alone and it does get easier even if the feeling never completely goes away.
Even after 12 years of sobriety I still at times fight with asking for help. It is one thing that I constantly seem to struggle with but I have learned that there are times when it is not only necessary but essential that I ask for help and it is well worth the risk of feeling so small and vulnerable.
To stop drinking I had to ask for help. It took complete and utter desperation for me to do that. I was on the verge of suicide as I did not know what else to do because I knew I could no longer go on living drinking but I had no idea how to live without drinking so I figured my only option was just to kill myself and get it over with. That was the first time in many years that I had actually asked for help but thankfully a hand was there when I reached out. Over the years I have had to reach out many times and ask for help. Fortunately because I was able to put my fears aside long enough to reached out I have been able to maintain my sobriety so far.
One of the things that helped me to get better at asking for help was a suggestion made to me in my first 30 days of sobriety. A woman told me to ask for a phone/call list if one was not given to me in a meeting. Then each day pick a number on that call list and call it. She said it did not matter if I felt like I had something I needed to talk about or not, just talk about my day if necessary, but what was important was establishing that habit of picking up that 1000 pound phone and reaching out because then when I needed help I would be better able to do it. I not only gained the benefit of the phone being easier to pick up when I needed help but I also gained a support group and friends by doing this. Many of whom are still in my life today.
Take care, you are not alone and it does get easier even if the feeling never completely goes away.
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