Milestone achieved, 90 days and beyond
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Milestone achieved, 90 days and beyond
So I have spent the last three years experiencing varying degrees of success and failure. For the most part I have done well, stringing together many instances of 30 to 60 days but always faltering somewhere. The slips where usually just small amounts, 2 to 4 beers but sometimes I would go up to 8 it just depended on the weakness of my psyche at that particular time. All in all the last three years have been mostly free of Alcohol but I have never been able to stay off it completely.
It baffled me to the point that three months ago I decided to seek out a therapist to try to better understand my compulsions. For the first few weeks I was adamant about the whole process, I didn't really believe anything would change. That anything could change. My counselor would ask every time I walked in "Are you still sober?" I would say yes and he would say "Your'e supposed to be a hopeless Alcoholic".
Last week he touched on family and where I've been and one thing struck me when I told him how I don't see them much. It was more in telling him that I am not stuck anywhere, I could pick up and leave for another part of the country if work took me there. Which was when he said, "If they don't care about you how could you ever have cared for yourself?"
It was sort of a Zen moment like (Light bulb goes off over me head) and I say "Yeah!"
The farther I get from days soaked in inebriation the more I begin to realize things I never realized before. I didn't care what happened to me as a result of my own actions. I have begun to get a higher feeling of self worth and just want to continue down this path for a while.
Wherever it may take me...
It baffled me to the point that three months ago I decided to seek out a therapist to try to better understand my compulsions. For the first few weeks I was adamant about the whole process, I didn't really believe anything would change. That anything could change. My counselor would ask every time I walked in "Are you still sober?" I would say yes and he would say "Your'e supposed to be a hopeless Alcoholic".
Last week he touched on family and where I've been and one thing struck me when I told him how I don't see them much. It was more in telling him that I am not stuck anywhere, I could pick up and leave for another part of the country if work took me there. Which was when he said, "If they don't care about you how could you ever have cared for yourself?"
It was sort of a Zen moment like (Light bulb goes off over me head) and I say "Yeah!"
The farther I get from days soaked in inebriation the more I begin to realize things I never realized before. I didn't care what happened to me as a result of my own actions. I have begun to get a higher feeling of self worth and just want to continue down this path for a while.
Wherever it may take me...
Well done
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