behindblueyes

Along with the things that are happening in the other thread, I deleted my Facebook a month ago because I felt it was a trigger. I have no outside communication with anyone at all really. I was obsessed with Facebook and used to make drinking plans on there.

Anyway, I found out there is a festival in my area and all my drinking friends went and no one called this morning. This wasn't an alcoholic event at all and no liquor served. All of my friends who drink aren't even inviting me to non-drinking events anymore. I am REALLY afraid of relapse at this point because I sat here last night alone, woke up and it's a beautiful day, and I got so mad at them all I binge shopped alone. Which made no sense.

Can't stand rejection. I asked my friend what she is doing tonight and they are all going to a bar. She didn't invite me of course knowing my situation of sobriety so I will sit here alone another night and stare at the wall. I thought about going to the movies alone but this is getting pathetic. I have actually thought about writing an ad in the classifieds that states "Newly sober 30 yr old female, single, just wants to sit and watch TV and talk without being wasted."

There are no AA meetings tonite. I can only take so many walks in the park alone before I feel like Im losing my mind. I had so many friends who used to do non-drinking things with me too. Sorry to sound so whiney but lately it's either SR or back to the bottle. Thoughts?

regeneration

hello behindblueeyes, it's hard initially stopping drinking when trying to re-connect with others. I had to stop seeing a lot of heavy drinking friends, and sometimes some of them leave you out (accidentally or otherwise) as they stop thinking of you as someone to socialise with. Even if no alcohol is there. Some of them, I think, did it out of a sense of caring, others, just didn't want me around not drinking.

Have you thought about looking at what you can do in groups/reaching out to others? Only asking as I went to a SMART meeting today, and someone gave me a change plan to look at. Someone at the meeting had said to me I seem to be connecting better with others than I did initially (when I first went to the group I was so shy). I still need to connect more so what I'm going to do is look at a change plan, and try to work out what I can do in practical terms e.g. join a running group, call certain people and say "would you like to do this with me?". I also don't like rejection but I figure someone will bite and do things with me.

These are the feelings I drunk on before (rejection, loneliness) but I think if you work through it they will pass for you. Keep posting on here, online message boards have saved me when I felt rejected. I think we can get the lives we want, bit by bit.

Jsober

I have had similar experiences with ex-drinking friends. It is hurtful that many people no longer want to hang out because we became sober. I think we are sensitive people and assume the worst in people sometimes,when maybe they are just trying to be considerate.

You said it was non-drinking event. That would make me upset and angry too. Maybe some in your group have problems with their drinking and just being around you, even though it is non-drinking event, makes them look at themselves and they don't want to do that.

Hang in there. I know it hurts, but staying sober is the most important thing. These things will work themselves out in time.

TheEnd

Maybe the fact that you deleted your facebook account is sending them the wrong message. Instead of cutting yourself off from the outside world, trying being open to new possibilities.

LadyinBC

I love going to the movies by myself. I don't know why people think this is strange or pathetic. I mean, I'm there to see the movie, not socialize! In a way I feel decadent sitting there at a matinee in the daytime while people are at work!

LadyinBC

I also found when I quit drinking, I lost a lot of friends, cause we just don't have anything in common anymore. I'm really not sad about it. I only want people around me who support my sobriety. I would rather have 2 friends who really care about me rather than 10 who care nothing about me other than going out drinking. Just my 2 cents.

soberlicious

Think about what you like to do or would like to learn how to do and look for meet-ups in your area. I could go on and on about fun things to do and ways to meet people, but most people tell me to STFU lol

behindblueyes

Thanks. I actually came down with such a nasty horrible flu that turned into a double ear and sinus infection that I ended up in bed and almost the ER. Sorry for my late reply. Staying away from alcohol has been easy lately!

fantail

It sounds like maybe you need to focus on your individual friendships, not your group friendships. Think about the people in the group that you care about, not just because you want to be included, but because you value them and your relationship with them. Then make time for each of them and proactively invite them to things. I know for myself that when someone is not around as much, it's easier to exclude them from plans. Not maliciously or even intentionally. I'll be at the park with a handful of people and during the conversation we'll decide to go hiking that weekend. I'll probably loop in a couple of extra people if they're people I see regularly, but I won't necessarily think to call in someone who I haven't seen in a month or two.

Grymt

Is there someone now that you can talk to about rejection.

What came before "... . Which makes no sense." makes sense, I think.

Then follows "(I) Can't stand rejection. ..." and you feel: "whiney". Does that tell you anything. Do you think expressing your inner self is difficult?

If so, there are ways to get over this bump in the road.
It'll be a good one. You'll be able to calmly face the beautiful days.