jmnyc

This is a bit of a rant but I need some support and no one else understands. I was a social drinker until 2 years ago when I lost my job, broke up with my boyfriend, and had finally given up my eating disorder and gained weight. I started drinking more heavily to pass the time, ease anxiety, and avoid thinking about the weight gain. Which was a vicious cycle bc a bottle of vodka a day will really pack it on. :/

Then they were raising the rent on my apartment so I decided to move home to the Jersey Shore, just in time for the hurricane. Boy, was that fun! What a nightmare. But I was doing much better, reconnected with a great guy I went to HS with. However, his group of friends is very hard drinking and close-minded. And just like everyone else, in my past life in NYC, in my family, in my friends, when I ask for help they all say "you don't have a problem, just stop drinking for a few days and you'll be fine." Well, it's not that easy.

It got to the point where I was shaking every morning, would walk a mile to get a bottle, was hiding things. Walking bc my drivers' license was stolen (really, my purse got stolen) and I just have been too lazy to get a new one. I just feel so isolated down here and no one gets it.

Then, over the past month I started throwing up every morning, no one believed me that my stomach really hurt that it wasn't just alcohol withdrawal. I finally went to a hospital and they sent me home after two days. Then two weeks later I started throwing up blood. I was admitted to the hospital on Friday and released yesterday. Turns out I have acute gastritis (that is actually a bacteria, not necessarily due to alcohol) but also all kinds of intestinal and esophageal inflammation. After years of bulimia, I shouldn't be surprised. So I am now on a boatload of pills for my stomach, percocet for pain, as well as Librium to keep me from drinking.

But I am freaking out! I'm all alone in my parents' house showing the house to potential buyers - yes, I'm selling the house I grew up in. And I'm just rattling around, don't know what do with myself. I even thought about walking to the liquor store, which is crazy. If there were a bottle under five feet of concrete right outside my house right now I would grab a shovel and dig with my bare hands to get it. Help help help.

I can't stop crying, I know I should just give myself a break since I just got out of the hospital but I'm climbing the walls.

And please don't tell me to "just stop dirnking." I am so sick of hearing that!!

redneckrecovery

First, sit down and take a deep breath.
Now, take another one. Now believe me when I say this too shall pass.

Find an AA meeting as soon as you can and go to it. In fact go to a couple.
You have a problem, you have already said that.

Missingmylove

Hey...I know it's going to be tough. I will first start praying for you.
You need to attend a meeting as soon as you can, it will strengthen you to have a support group that you can communicate with

**God will see you through**

Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but please hold your head up high

2granddaughters

You have been a member here for over a year, what program of recovery have you been working?

The only one I found that worked for an alcoholic of my type was AA.

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

If you're climbing the walls, unhappy in Jersey, then take action. Move. Find a location where you feel content and work on yourself. Have you been job-hunting? That would give you some purpose to your day to work on your resume and get it out there. Taking action always makes me feel better.

I understand you're sick of hearing, "Just stop drinking" but really, that's it. That's the start. Get rid of alcohol in the house, don't buy anymore. Get through the day. Talk to your dr if you're concerned about detoxing.

There is support here at SR, always, and you can find other support groups if you wish. I hope you take the steps to help yourself.

Readysteady

Good advice from all the others. Keep posting on here in the meantime and chat with some people, if that helps.

jmnyc

@Anna, oddly I write resumes for my side job and have worked in the job industry but most recently was an advertising executive. I get very god job offers often back in NYC but that's the industry and environment that I think enabled me in the first place. So...I can take a job and get back to it, but risk winding right back up where I was. Just not strong enough to go back there yet. But good advice!

doggonecarl

So who's saying this? People you know who don't know it isn't as simple as "just stop"?

If you accept you are an alcoholic then you know it's more than "just stop drinking." But it is the first step in the recovery journey. You need to re-enforce your ability to stay stopped by finding the support and the recovery tools to get you through this difficult period of early sobriety.

TrixMixer

Hi JM in NYC,

You came to the right place. People here are super and we know exactly what you are going through. We have all been where you are now.....and Don't ya just hate when "the JUST STOP Drinking" starts? Eventually that is what you must do but it is not that easy--it like someone saying to you "just stop eating and purging" for your bulimia.

This may be one of those times you will need outside help from an addiction counselor or therapist? >>>Just to outline a program to help you stop. AA meetings in your AREA are also a start.

Perhaps you need to get a new license, so you will not feel so isolated. Even though you have to be homebound to a degree to help sell your house--a car will make you not feel like a prisoner, eh?

Sometimes those friends who SAY you do not have a problem are part of the problem. They themselves may not want to face the fact they have a drinking problem too, either way if they think just "don't drink for a few day's" is the answer , well you may need to look for some new friends to hang out with. Getting sober can mean a drastic change in the people, places and things that trigger the "alcoholic thinking". Sorry--not what you wanted to hear I am sure, but you are still young and don't be surprised if giving up the alcohol helps with the acute gastritis .

I partied for years and could not understand why my stomach and intestines were so F----- up, DUH--Alcohol kept me always looking for the Bathroom sign. What a way to party , huh.

Keep us posted . talk to us if you feel isolated . There is someone hear all the time, so you are NEver alone.

Good luck,
TrixMixer

Hevyn

Welcome jmnyc. I'm glad you're reaching out for help.

I hope you'll find what you need here - we all understand it isn't a matter of 'just say no'. I found the hope & encouragement I needed to stop, because everyone had been through similar challenges and set me on the right path. We're glad to have you with us.