Annoying phone call
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 86
Annoying phone call
I received a phone call on Saturday night, and ever since it's been bothering me, so I figured I'd come here and get it out in the open (sort of).
I've been sober for 1 year 4 months now, and things are going great. I'm active in my recovery, going to AA and another group, exercising and eating right and getting in better shape than I have been in since my 20's. My work is going great, friendships are strong, etc.
My primary addiction was of course alcohol. About a year before I decided to get some help with drinking, I was also using coke. Not daily, not even every weekend, but sometimes it was 2-3 weekends a month. Nasty stuff, I through some miracle had managed to just STOP doing that, it wasn't easy, but it was much easier than quitting the booze. It's a little easier to stop something when it isn't socially acceptable, or legal.
Well Saturday night I had gone to bed early after a long day. Around 1am I was fast asleep and then was awoken by my cell phone. I didn't recognize the number, but answered anyway. The person on the other line said my name, and then said "oh I think I called the wrong one, sorry".
I knew immediately who it was. It was my old coke dealer. I hadn't called him for 2 years, I of course didn't have his number.
At first I thought nothing of it, and then... my mind drifted.
I thought "maybe I should save his number for a rainy day". "I was addicted to the alcohol not coke". "Maybe a little bag would be fun and get me out for a change".
This was quickly followed by a wave of grief. At this point I was fully awake and it really upset me.
The next morning I had completely forgot about the dream. I went to my usual Sunday morning AA meeting, and the topic was on acceptance. As the conversation went around the room, eventually someone mentioned they were new, and battling both alcohol and coke.
Immediately I remembered my dream and those feelings of grief.
But I think the topic was perfectly on point. The fact is, I need to accept the fact that I am an addict. Regardless of the substance, I cannot partake in it. I've accepted I'm an alcoholic, but I don't think that is enough.
This disease seems to poke it's nasty head up at the most random times, and in ways you sometimes don't expect. I certainly thought this through a lot, and it's still bothering me that I would even entertain such thoughts and put at risk all of the wonderful things I have achieved in the last 16 months.
I just felt I would share that experience, hopefully it will help someone and perhaps someone else can offer some words of advice.
I've been sober for 1 year 4 months now, and things are going great. I'm active in my recovery, going to AA and another group, exercising and eating right and getting in better shape than I have been in since my 20's. My work is going great, friendships are strong, etc.
My primary addiction was of course alcohol. About a year before I decided to get some help with drinking, I was also using coke. Not daily, not even every weekend, but sometimes it was 2-3 weekends a month. Nasty stuff, I through some miracle had managed to just STOP doing that, it wasn't easy, but it was much easier than quitting the booze. It's a little easier to stop something when it isn't socially acceptable, or legal.
Well Saturday night I had gone to bed early after a long day. Around 1am I was fast asleep and then was awoken by my cell phone. I didn't recognize the number, but answered anyway. The person on the other line said my name, and then said "oh I think I called the wrong one, sorry".
I knew immediately who it was. It was my old coke dealer. I hadn't called him for 2 years, I of course didn't have his number.
At first I thought nothing of it, and then... my mind drifted.
I thought "maybe I should save his number for a rainy day". "I was addicted to the alcohol not coke". "Maybe a little bag would be fun and get me out for a change".
This was quickly followed by a wave of grief. At this point I was fully awake and it really upset me.
The next morning I had completely forgot about the dream. I went to my usual Sunday morning AA meeting, and the topic was on acceptance. As the conversation went around the room, eventually someone mentioned they were new, and battling both alcohol and coke.
Immediately I remembered my dream and those feelings of grief.
But I think the topic was perfectly on point. The fact is, I need to accept the fact that I am an addict. Regardless of the substance, I cannot partake in it. I've accepted I'm an alcoholic, but I don't think that is enough.
This disease seems to poke it's nasty head up at the most random times, and in ways you sometimes don't expect. I certainly thought this through a lot, and it's still bothering me that I would even entertain such thoughts and put at risk all of the wonderful things I have achieved in the last 16 months.
I just felt I would share that experience, hopefully it will help someone and perhaps someone else can offer some words of advice.
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