I've wanted to drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12
I've wanted to drink
This is my 13th day. I can't believe I haven't drank. The last 4 days have been the hardest I've ever had in trying to quit. Each day I stopped posting on here, didn't want to call my girlfriend who is out of town, etc... in preparation for drinking. I've been having terrible cravings. I probably go back and forth AT least 50 times a day. I have my house to myself, my business has done well, I'm bored... why not go pick up a case of beer?
However, something has changed... as much as my brain fights me to go get beer, I keep thinking about the last few times I drank... the "idea" always sounds great, but it felt awful. I didn't enjoy any drink I had. I was miserable. Do I want to feel this way? Or do I want to keep losing weight, looking and feeling healthy, and be productive?
Or do I want to look and feel like ****, rot my body, be a piece of crap?
I keep deciding not to drink. I've driven around in my car every night with the intent to pick something up. I just know I don't want to go through what I went through on day 8... and then reading these posts about how the first week or so is the hardest... I don't want to have to do that again, and I should appreciate where I am at.
My excuse, and a big justification has been that I have a buddy's wedding to attend in April... and I figured there is no way I can't drink, so I might as well be ready for it! I'm thinking now it could be a possibility to just go with my girlfriend for one night, and then be healthy with her and treat it like a healthy vacation. Maybe I DON'T need to drink. I've had excuses for 10 years... when will it ever be the right time? And hey, if I can accomplish not drinking there, that is a great foundation. Plus, I'll be able to talk intelligently, look people in the eyes with clear eyes, and I'll look 20 times better for people I haven't seen in a long time and won't see for a long time thereafter... how do I want to be remembered?
I was on the verge of drinking last night, and my brother texted me from 1000 miles away to recommend a movie. It was exactly what I needed. I forgot how nice it was to get lost in a movie... I don't appreciate that type of thing when I'm drinking. The movie was pretty inspirational and I would like to recommend it as well: "UNDEFEATED"... I think it won best documentary.
As sick as this is, I can say all these things... and the last couple of days I wanted to post, and just imagining typing it and the thought of not drinking and admitting to it, has made me want to drink. I can say "well maybe it's time to quit forever, and in the SAME thought process I then get scared of never being able to drink again and picture a 12-pack of beer in my head. It's like it never stops. Just writing this, I have weighed ways to still drink at least 5 times.
Thanks for the posts, it has saved me multiple times.
However, something has changed... as much as my brain fights me to go get beer, I keep thinking about the last few times I drank... the "idea" always sounds great, but it felt awful. I didn't enjoy any drink I had. I was miserable. Do I want to feel this way? Or do I want to keep losing weight, looking and feeling healthy, and be productive?
Or do I want to look and feel like ****, rot my body, be a piece of crap?
I keep deciding not to drink. I've driven around in my car every night with the intent to pick something up. I just know I don't want to go through what I went through on day 8... and then reading these posts about how the first week or so is the hardest... I don't want to have to do that again, and I should appreciate where I am at.
My excuse, and a big justification has been that I have a buddy's wedding to attend in April... and I figured there is no way I can't drink, so I might as well be ready for it! I'm thinking now it could be a possibility to just go with my girlfriend for one night, and then be healthy with her and treat it like a healthy vacation. Maybe I DON'T need to drink. I've had excuses for 10 years... when will it ever be the right time? And hey, if I can accomplish not drinking there, that is a great foundation. Plus, I'll be able to talk intelligently, look people in the eyes with clear eyes, and I'll look 20 times better for people I haven't seen in a long time and won't see for a long time thereafter... how do I want to be remembered?
I was on the verge of drinking last night, and my brother texted me from 1000 miles away to recommend a movie. It was exactly what I needed. I forgot how nice it was to get lost in a movie... I don't appreciate that type of thing when I'm drinking. The movie was pretty inspirational and I would like to recommend it as well: "UNDEFEATED"... I think it won best documentary.
As sick as this is, I can say all these things... and the last couple of days I wanted to post, and just imagining typing it and the thought of not drinking and admitting to it, has made me want to drink. I can say "well maybe it's time to quit forever, and in the SAME thought process I then get scared of never being able to drink again and picture a 12-pack of beer in my head. It's like it never stops. Just writing this, I have weighed ways to still drink at least 5 times.
Thanks for the posts, it has saved me multiple times.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
My experience in the early days/weeks was the same as yours: Once we put the drink down, the mental part doesn't just go away..... it takes time to retrain our thinking so that we don't associate every thought/feeling with alcohol. I spent the first weeks glued to this forum to combat the thoughts and cravings.
It's normal to wonder what our lives will be like, how we'll get through a wedding or a holiday without drinking. In reality, all we have is today, this moment, and the ability to choose not to drink. When your thoughts get ahead of you, bring them back to the present. That's where we find the strength and solutions to be sober, right now, today. Sometimes it's a minute at a time, but you'll find that those minutes start stretching out and you'll be able to handle an hour, then a couple hours......
I found that, over time, my fears began to subside. As situations presented themselves, I was able to deal with them. It was all the thinking and worrying that gave me fits, not the actual reality of the event.
The voice of your addiction wants you to live in fear, but you don't have to listen - you can do this!
It's normal to wonder what our lives will be like, how we'll get through a wedding or a holiday without drinking. In reality, all we have is today, this moment, and the ability to choose not to drink. When your thoughts get ahead of you, bring them back to the present. That's where we find the strength and solutions to be sober, right now, today. Sometimes it's a minute at a time, but you'll find that those minutes start stretching out and you'll be able to handle an hour, then a couple hours......
I found that, over time, my fears began to subside. As situations presented themselves, I was able to deal with them. It was all the thinking and worrying that gave me fits, not the actual reality of the event.
The voice of your addiction wants you to live in fear, but you don't have to listen - you can do this!
recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 243
Hang in there. I had to "say NO" everyday for my first three months. (I'm 132 days today). I still need to "say no" every now and then.
For me, relapse is NOT and option! It would be very, very bad if I did. Besides, I feel so good and STRONG right now, I do not want to ever go back to drinking. We are so much better than that.
For me, relapse is NOT and option! It would be very, very bad if I did. Besides, I feel so good and STRONG right now, I do not want to ever go back to drinking. We are so much better than that.
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