sobergirl77

Yes, I've tried it all. Sponsor, the steps, listening in meetings, helping other alcoholics. Didn't work. I know people in AA hate hearing that and always automatically blame the person for not 'working the program'. Very typical and another reason I gave up on it a while back.

The program has NEVER gotten me sober or kept me sober. Other spiritual avenues have. During my longest periods of sobriety, I was attending meetings maybe once a week with no sponsor and just going for the fellowship.

The program is also not going to detox me and keep me from having DT's.

Thanks for the replies you all. I'm up a creek without a paddle but I've been in worse situations. I'll find a way out.

2granddaughters

I wish you the best.

Bob R

theHomerSimpson

Listen, I am guilty of not getting a sponsor and not working the steps as othere percieve as the 'right' way of doing it. There are so many different wys to use the program, you just have to find what works for you and what does NOT work for you. You make it very clear AA is not the way you are gonna get sober,thats cool with me, but I tried most of the other ways and ALWAYS failed and returned to drinking. This time I am going to AA,not that I really want to but I NEED to, and I am also seeing a therapist to hopefully find why I continue to self medicate with alcohol and cause chaos and pain in my life and also the people in my life. Maybe try finding a therapist with a sliding fee, again, its one of those things thats gonna take some effort on your part with making calls and getting rejections but with some patience you will find somebody. I just recently found out I have ADD, its a tough one to swallow but already putting all the unexplainable things in my life together, I knew something was not right in my mind and behavior but never made an attempt to see a professional about it and the sad part is if I had only done this 25 years ago my whole life could have been different and more than likely for the better. I am 43 now, I am assuming you are much younger but dont wait because it only gets worse when you keep piling up years of drinking.

I wish you the best of luck.

paul99

Is there a reason you can't go back to those spiritual avenues?

Veritas1

I heard a great speaker Sandy B. talking about when people say AA didn't work for me...and he said, "You are right. You didn't let it."

This may be something to consider...we don't let it.

We are defiant. We fight everything. We have a hard time with personal relationships.

Maybe try again. Maybe have a new experience and forget everything you think you know about AA, or the people, or the steps...

I hope you were able to call some of those free treatment centers I listed, and have found something...or again...call the AA hotline, and ask if they know of somewhere?

wellwisher

I went the medical detox, 90-day rehab, AA recovery route, so I can share my experience. My younger brother also went the same route. While he experienced true delerium tremens, I did not. That does not mean that I didn't feel shaky, anxious, nauseous, et al, but I did not experience a life-threatening situation.

Delerium tremens are considered medical emergencies, and I honestly do not think an emergency room would turn you away if you were truly experiencing DT's. The indicators are palpable.

My brother quit cold turkey, and it became evident that he was hallucinating and incoherent. We took him to the ER, they admitted him into detox, immediately. He had already begun the detox cycle, and the crisis he experienced was the direct result of not giving his body alcohol. He wasn't in the middle of a drinking episode crying for help, which were our first thoughts.

I was able to get into a detox by contacting the county-run outpatient alcohol counseling center. They ran on a sliding scale fee basis; I met with the counselor; after a few meetings, she referred me to the county-run detox, which then referred me to the county-run 90 day inpatient treatment program.

Both my brother and I were administered librium during the detox process. That is one of two primary uses of librium that I know of - the other use is for anxiety. I also know that there are plenty of warnings that say do not drink and use librium at the same time; because it can cause you to stop breathing.

Like sugarbear, I am wondering if your psychiatrist knows you abuse alcohol, and also wonder if he prescribed the librium for anxiety or detox. Have you been honest with your psychiatrist about your massive drinking, and when was the last time you've seen him/her? Have you asked your psychiatrist for a referral to an alcohol detox or a county-run agency that provides those services?

What is required here is a bit of honesty in assessing what information you give, who you ask for help, when you ask for help, how you specifically ask for help and above all, the willingness to follow through on those referrals. For me, it was a ton of phone calls and patience and persistence in getting what I felt I needed to get the monkey off my back.

I'd start with your psychiatrist, by disclosing the full amount of drinking you are doing, and asking specifically for referral to a detox center. He has to be made fully aware of the extent to your condition. Follow up on those. If they can't help, ask them who can, and try them. The rooms of AA have many who have gone this route; I'm sure they can help you too, but you have to ask.

Help is out there. My brother got it through crisis mode (defnately not recommended); I got it by carving out the mornings to make a few calls and make appointments before I made my best attempts to slow down or stop my drinking before I got hammered for the day.

wellwisher

For clarification, it was the alcohol counselors who recommended that I go for detox; I, naturally, balked at the idea, but warmed up to it. In other words, I went willingly, against my will

ru12

If you cannot get medical assisted detox then you are going to have to taper down. Google Harm Reduction and the HAMS network has an article on how to do it. But this isn't as safe as having a medical assistance. You could have serious complications. But you are more certain to have them if you just stop abruptly.

sobergirl77

Thanks. I have done this before, countless times. It is really, really hard - nearly impossible from the amount of alcohol I am at now. Last week during the moving process I managed to get myself down to a safe amount, but just went back up now that I'm moved into my new place.

It is utterly hopeless and there is nothing I can do except do it on my own. I don't mean any offense to AA people, but I have tried the program to the best of my ability and failed, over and over. It doesn't work. As for trying my spiritual program (the one that kept me sober for six months) again, I am still actually on that spiritual plan. It's a path of enlightenment, Buddhism mixed with metaphysics. But unfortunately, knowing stuff doesn't keep you sober. Neither does thinking you are a loser that will never be healed from an addiction. I'm at a place where I know way too much about the human race and not a bit of it does me good, neither does submitting to a sponsor who wants to run my life or a program that tries to dictate your life.

sobergirl77

My psychiatrist knows my alcohol intake. When I wasn't drinking, he kept me on Librium for 8 months. He knows the full extent of my condition but doesn't understand it. He doesn't even know the side effects of detoxing or anything else. He thinks 10mg of Libirum per day keeps away DT's, hallucinations and seizures. But it does not if you are at my level of alcohol intake. (Most hospitals and treatment centers will prescribe you 25-50mg every 4-8 hours). I've tried to tell him this to no avail. It's hopeless. I went to the hospital 3 times over the past month and was let go every time. Even the time (most recently) when I was in DT's. My sister had to come pick me up and it was awful, I could barely walk, I was in a state of panic, shakiness, etc. The hospital did NOTHING to help me and I am refusing to pay their bill.

The hospital's excuse for not helping me was because of all the Librium I've been prescribed over the past year. It was awful because I had tried getting off it, but my psyche doctor kept me on it. And now I have to pay the price with no treatment.

If anyone reading this is thinking about relapsing - I hope you can use this horror story to help you stay sober. It never gets better, it only gets worse.

Angryangel1

Sorry to hear about your situation. I would think the hospital could do more!
My wife went to Detox, did good for a couple weeks, went to AA meetings, then went to liqure store after AA meeting came home and got drunk.
I am constantly fighting with my son for bringing home booze, because of my wife, I admit I have a problem!!
I have cut WAY down on my drinking, but have to find a way to stop!
The stories on this sight along with yours I think will help.
Thank you for sharing your stories and support.

robgt350

i think i was in a similar situation as you. i also had uncontrolled drinking and habits. i been sober for 14 weeks now and get the urge to have a cold one. i also was involved in a relationship with some one who was married and it was rewarding in their own way. i also joined AA but to me AA was not my cup of tea and i did not involve my self in it. but sounds like you have a strong will and determined so you can do it. join the chat room here and get real time support. Good luck

sobergirl77

Just posting to say that my situation has only gotten worse. Still no detox, lots of horrible symptoms like vomiting up to twice a day every day. If I go more than a couple hours without a drink, my heart starts racing and I get DT's. If I want more than 2 hours of sleep, I have to drink an extra amount, so I can get at least 4 hours, filled with lucid dreams (where I am basically awake) and wake up constantly. Many nightmares.

I will simply not call another ambulance or go to another hospital so they can charge me thousands of dollars to do nothing.

All I can do is hope that my story helps someone not relapse. Had I known it would be this bad, I would have done ANYTHING to stay sober and not take that first drink this time. If I ever get out of this horror story I will do anything and everything to stay sober. This is seriously the most horrific time of my life - where I actually am desperate to get off alcohol, but cannot, because nobody will detox me safely from the high amounts I am on. Nearly every day I have to go and pawn something in order to buy my alcohol. The cheap stuff makes me sick constantly so I try to buy the next level up, but even that makes me sick.

Oh well, I know this is all teaching me something. As I have prayed to God, I have tried surrendering to the disease - it did nothing for me, I tried taking control (what control?), I tried reaching out for help and nobody wants to help me because I get too honest and straightforward when I'm drinking. Not to mention I have a reputation around here for being very intuitive and people helping me always want MY help. Then when I tell them the truth, they don't want to hear it.

So, my spiritual program did nothing to help me stay sober. Having a sponsor didn't either. Having a Reiki healer didn't, either. I have no money left and nowhere to turn.

There is nothing left to do, but to wait and see if I die, or get saved somehow I guess. I am running out of stuff to sell/pawn.

DryRoastJim

Wow, ok this might not make sense, but you gotta hit the "reset" button on your reality. Everything you know is wrong! (I mean that in a sense of context, not your life skills/knowledge).

You're empire is collapsing, take what is left of it, get cash in your pocket and make sure you are as safe as you can be.

Next, get out the phone book (or internet thingy) and call EVERY SINGLE SOBER place you see!

Also consider tossing your shrink, if s/he doesn't know what a suitable lib level is to detox get someone who does!!

Next and this is the most important ACCEPTANCE!! You have to accept your condition and mean it. Once you do that, you can move forward. It will be rough and I have a feeling you'll be kicking and screaming all the way, but you gotta do it!

This is your battle, you must take it head on! Use all resources (here, phone book, internet, friends you trust, AA/NA and A, hospitals, clinics whatever it takes to get you on track!

"Be strong Valiant Warrior, your quest awaits!"

Dee74

I have to agree with Jim sobergirl

This is your addiction speaking.

noones situation is hopeless, and noone needs to be like a leaf being carrried down the gutter.

There's been a lot of great suggestions in this thread - I'd ask you to read through the thread again and ask yourself if you've tried everything or if you're just assuming things won't work?

D

Recovery1983

This really runs along the topic of share in my first NA meeting back from my last relapse. The topic was the difference between the desire to quit and willingness. I always thought that I was willing to be sober because I had the desire to quit, but in fact, I wasn't ALWAYS willing in order to quit. Although there are many reasons as to why I relapse, the biggest factor is that I am not willing to do whatever it takes on a daily basis.

You might not like what I have to say but from reading your post, I sense that you want to quit, yet I don't see the willingness to quit. I do hope to see that you start your day 1, or you'll continue to live in misery and hell. I know this because I've gone through this, mainly 7 days ago.

Taking5

It seems like everyone here is trying to help, but you reject each and every suggestion. I think you need to pick one of these suggestions, or come up with a plan of action yourself, and go for it. If you fail you are no worse off than you are now. Making excuses/reasons to not try a plan of action to get sober has very predictable results.

By the way NO ONE has a 3% BAC. Death often occurs at .45%, and there has only been 2 or 3 cases in all of medical history of people with a BAC of 1% and lived. You were probably .3%, which is plenty drunk.

Louise82

sobergirl, did you see the list of free rehabs Veritas posted? Have you phoned them?

Mountainmanbob

paul99

With all due respect, it seems that this hopelessness you talk about, about this being "terminally unique", is comfortable for you. That is perhaps why you are resistant in taking any of the wonderful advice or measures here. I used to continually tell myself and others how "different" I was, and utterly hopeless my situation was, so no thank you for the help. But it was because I was full of fear, and was very comfie being in my own private hell. Being a martyr was part of my shtick...and believe me, playing the martyr is a selfish thing..oh look at me, woe is me, poor me....etc.

There is always hope.