SoConfused410

This is my first time posting in this forum. I have posted in the substance abuse forum because of an old boyfriend, but I have a few questions about a friend of mine and his drinking. He and I are really good friends. We talk several times during the day and we can talk about everything. He has told me that he had a pretty severe drinking problem a few years ago. Now, he says he drinks beer and wine only because he says he doesn't drink "liquor" anymore because he gets out of control and he only drinks beer and wine at home, he doesn't go out and drink anymore. He gets drunk with certain family members so he figures he's safe. I've seen him drink an entire bottle of wine within an hour or two. When I bring up the subject of alcohol, he gets defensive. He says things like I'm not in a liquor store now! I tell him just because he's not drinking all day long every day does not mean that he doesn't have a problem with alcohol. Is my thinking wrong? Is there a difference is "liquor" and beer and wine? I think it's all the same. I've never been a drinker, so I just don't know a lot about alcoholism. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

LexieCat

It IS all the same, but most alcoholics go through this drill of changing what they drink in an attempt to "control" their drinking or to convince themselves they don't have to quit. Obviously, it doesn't work.

Incidentally, lots of beer/wine drinkers switch to hard liquor for the same reason--reasoning that they will drink less. Same result--they may consume fewer drinks, but more alcohol. The disease of alcoholism doesn't care what form the alcohol takes. It gets worse no matter what you drink, when you drink it, where you drink, what you are wearing when you drink.

NoelleR

"...Is there a difference is "liquor" and beer and wine? I think it's all the same..."

Interesting little factoid.......you're absolutely correct; they're all the same; here's the math.....................:

Beer (12oz can/bottle/5% abv) ...........: 12x.05=.60oz alc
Wine (5oz glass/12% abv) ...................: 5x.12=.60oz alc
Mixed Drink (1.5oz shot; 80 proof/40%abv) .......: 1.5x.40=.60oz alc

Doncha just love math....................

(o:
NoelleR

soopy99

One can certainly have a problem drinking all three, and I have. But, I alway find that I drink more total alcohol when I drink liquor simply because there is less total volume involved. I found it a lot easier to put away three martinis than a six pack of beer.

lilyrosemary

i just wanted to add - it's pretty much a waste of time to tell anyone that you think they have a drinking problem....this never helped me, or anyone i know.

SoConfused410

Thank you all for your comments. I thought he was just justifying his drinking. I talked to him yesterday. His first response was that he would consider what I said about him having an issue with alcohol. This was after he threw every defense he thought he could come up with at me. I made it clear to him when I was speaking with him that it is his problem, but I wouldn't battle with him over it either. Later on in the afternoon he admitted that I was correct, he does has issues with alcohol. I wasn't able to speak with him last night, but now I want to see what he does about it. I was being a friend and noticing there was a problem. We'll see what happens now.

paul99

I understand your concern for your friend. But it's up to him now to decide what to do, as you've pointed out there. That's a good attitude to have. It's hard to watch someone go through something like this, but it being pointed out to us is not our favourite thing, as we usually know deep down that we have an issue. If it escalates, it escalates. He will hopefully find the pain he needs out there before reaching out for help.

instant

No one could save me apart from myself. The concerns of others meant little to me..

artsoul

Welcome, SoConfused -

I'm very sorry your friend has a drinking problem. One of the hallmarks of alcoholism is denial.... we don't want anyone to know how much/often we drink and find ways to rationalize it to ourselves.

I'm sure your words struck a chord with him and I hope he decides to get help at some point. Like the others said, though, it can be really frustrating trying to convince another person to give up their addiction, so just be careful not to invest too much in seeing him change.

You might want to check out the family/friends section, too:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoConfused410

I see what you all mean about the denial. I guess it was good that my friend admitted he has a problem with alcohol, but I was speaking with him today and he told me he was thinking about getting a 6 pack of beer. I just asked him what he was going to do about alcohol because we haven't spoken on the subject since he admitted his problem. His answer was he knows he's the type that will always have a beer or glass of wine. All I said was ok! He thinks he can control his drinking, but to me, obviously he can't. Well, I'm done with it! He has to figure it out on his own.