hello from a newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 13
hello from a newbie
Hi all,
I introduced myself in the Newbie section but just wanted to say hello here too.
I am hoping I will be around for a while - as like everyone else I need to beat this problem I have.
Just as Briefly as I can:
Im in my early 30's. I have been a binge drinker for 15 years. Gradually my alcohol tolerance has now been eradicated.
If I go out for one drink I cannot stop. I will go out on my own to the pub just to drink. I will stay drinking in the bar until I cannot stand, cannot talk, and make an utter fool and disgrace of myself. time and time again.
I have been hospitalised twice with bleeds due to drinking (one very serious) and this has not stopped me because I fooled myself that I could and would just limit what I drank from then on.
I can go 2/3 months without a drop and then in spectacular fashion I will go out for a drink, and that drink will turn into as much as I can until I collapse.
I turn into a monster. I am totally the opposite of my sober character. I hurt my family and turn into a completely different person. None of my real friends even go to the same bars/pub.
Last week my young daughter witnessed me returning home late at night shouting, swearing, and falling around the house. I have never ever felt so ashamed or low as I do now. This is it for me, my last chance.
This was after I fooled myself into thinking I could go out for the afternoon for 1/2 pints to watch the football and then come home. I couldn't. I had 2 drinks and knew I needed to leave, but I couldnt and wanted to have that next drink. The pattern then followed.
Nobody in the bars I visit are actually my friends (unless I actually arrange to meet me oldest friends in there), if I bumped into the bar drinkers in a supermarket sober I would have nothing else in common with them to chat about....but once Im in these bars I chase the next drink like my life depended on it and cannot leave until I either get thrown out or the bar shuts.
I want and NEED to stop all together. I no longer want to fool myself into thinking I can go out and have 1 or 2 drinks and have a nice evening and come home....I cant. Sooner or later I will end up arrested with a criminal record and probably lose my job and my family.
I never drink at home, I don't even have one beer in the house. But if I have one drop of alcohol anywhere something triggers in my head and I cant stop.
Thank You for taking the time to read my condensed story. This is my last chance before I lose everything I value in life.
I hope this thread/forum will help me through the first few weeks especially.
I introduced myself in the Newbie section but just wanted to say hello here too.
I am hoping I will be around for a while - as like everyone else I need to beat this problem I have.
Just as Briefly as I can:
Im in my early 30's. I have been a binge drinker for 15 years. Gradually my alcohol tolerance has now been eradicated.
If I go out for one drink I cannot stop. I will go out on my own to the pub just to drink. I will stay drinking in the bar until I cannot stand, cannot talk, and make an utter fool and disgrace of myself. time and time again.
I have been hospitalised twice with bleeds due to drinking (one very serious) and this has not stopped me because I fooled myself that I could and would just limit what I drank from then on.
I can go 2/3 months without a drop and then in spectacular fashion I will go out for a drink, and that drink will turn into as much as I can until I collapse.
I turn into a monster. I am totally the opposite of my sober character. I hurt my family and turn into a completely different person. None of my real friends even go to the same bars/pub.
Last week my young daughter witnessed me returning home late at night shouting, swearing, and falling around the house. I have never ever felt so ashamed or low as I do now. This is it for me, my last chance.
This was after I fooled myself into thinking I could go out for the afternoon for 1/2 pints to watch the football and then come home. I couldn't. I had 2 drinks and knew I needed to leave, but I couldnt and wanted to have that next drink. The pattern then followed.
Nobody in the bars I visit are actually my friends (unless I actually arrange to meet me oldest friends in there), if I bumped into the bar drinkers in a supermarket sober I would have nothing else in common with them to chat about....but once Im in these bars I chase the next drink like my life depended on it and cannot leave until I either get thrown out or the bar shuts.
I want and NEED to stop all together. I no longer want to fool myself into thinking I can go out and have 1 or 2 drinks and have a nice evening and come home....I cant. Sooner or later I will end up arrested with a criminal record and probably lose my job and my family.
I never drink at home, I don't even have one beer in the house. But if I have one drop of alcohol anywhere something triggers in my head and I cant stop.
Thank You for taking the time to read my condensed story. This is my last chance before I lose everything I value in life.
I hope this thread/forum will help me through the first few weeks especially.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
EN10, you sound like you are being quite honest with yourself now. This is a good sign. This honesty, and the nature of your drinking, makes your chances (long term) of success in AA excellent IMO. Whatever you do, change your method of getting sober this time around. Don’t do what hasn’t worked in the past.
I wish you the best.
I wish you the best.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I second the suggestion of AA. I'm sober four and a half years, and my first husband has been sober 33 years.
You're at a low point right now, so I suggest you get MOVING. You have been given the gift of a moment of clarity. You can see, right now, what your life has become. It doesn't matter that you haven't "lost it all"--you never have to. The problem is that most of us, once we feel a little better, think we have the problem "solved" and before we know it, we are doing the same thing we swore we would never do again.
The best thing about AA is that it is a way of living--of changing the way you look at yourself and the world, so that you can live sober, HAPPILY.
One thing about these moments of clarity--they appear to have a limited shelf-life. The window opens, and then it closes, and who knows what might happen before it opens again? Go for it--give it all you've got, as if your life depends on it. It probably does.
You're at a low point right now, so I suggest you get MOVING. You have been given the gift of a moment of clarity. You can see, right now, what your life has become. It doesn't matter that you haven't "lost it all"--you never have to. The problem is that most of us, once we feel a little better, think we have the problem "solved" and before we know it, we are doing the same thing we swore we would never do again.
The best thing about AA is that it is a way of living--of changing the way you look at yourself and the world, so that you can live sober, HAPPILY.
One thing about these moments of clarity--they appear to have a limited shelf-life. The window opens, and then it closes, and who knows what might happen before it opens again? Go for it--give it all you've got, as if your life depends on it. It probably does.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Oy vey can I relate. After one sip, my brain and body got that feeling and I didn't want it to stop so I would drink into oblivion. You can do this. 
welcome to your sober life.
welcome to your sober life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Mate,
Sounds like you are as close to "rock bottom" as you want to get.
I third the AA option only because the 12 steps have saved my life.
Getting sober is tough, staying sober is tougher. We take it one day at a time.
All I can do is resolve not to drink today.
Each day you are sober you are rebuilding your life, your self respect and your relationship with your family. Your physical and mental health improves and you get stronger. I say this because its happened to me when I never thought it would.
Remember that we are truly only one drink away from another drunk. Treat alcohol the same way you would treat some weed killer in your garden shed. Its poison to the alcoholic.
Keep coming back.
Sounds like you are as close to "rock bottom" as you want to get.
I third the AA option only because the 12 steps have saved my life.
Getting sober is tough, staying sober is tougher. We take it one day at a time.
All I can do is resolve not to drink today.
Each day you are sober you are rebuilding your life, your self respect and your relationship with your family. Your physical and mental health improves and you get stronger. I say this because its happened to me when I never thought it would.
Remember that we are truly only one drink away from another drunk. Treat alcohol the same way you would treat some weed killer in your garden shed. Its poison to the alcoholic.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North Hollywood, Ca
Posts: 3
First of all, bravo on coming here and reaching out for help! That is already more than most people with alcoholism will ever achieve in terms of recovery.
I fourth the AA suggestion. But I want to mention a few key things that I personally have learned about the program:
-Do not let the "God" thing scare you. Just about any power bigger than yourself (the group, the meetings, the universe) can be a higher power. The only thing you need to believe is that you can't do it yourself, and you seem to be there.
-Go to lots of meetings. There is such a thing as a bad meeting despite what some people will say. Find some that work for you. Get a sponsor immediately.
If nothing else, being part of the program gives you a level of support that you can't find anywhere else. You are DEFINITELY not alone when it comes to the damage that your drinking has caused to your life. There is hope.
I fourth the AA suggestion. But I want to mention a few key things that I personally have learned about the program:
-Do not let the "God" thing scare you. Just about any power bigger than yourself (the group, the meetings, the universe) can be a higher power. The only thing you need to believe is that you can't do it yourself, and you seem to be there.
-Go to lots of meetings. There is such a thing as a bad meeting despite what some people will say. Find some that work for you. Get a sponsor immediately.
If nothing else, being part of the program gives you a level of support that you can't find anywhere else. You are DEFINITELY not alone when it comes to the damage that your drinking has caused to your life. There is hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 13
Hi all
Well 1 week done.
Tough today as everyone went for drinks after work and I walked past the window on my way home and saw everyone inside looking like they were having a nice time.
I then drove past the local pub/bar and saw the same thing.
I have an empty house tonight as the little one is at her grannys and my wife is at work. .....But Instead of seeing that as an excuse to go out as I usually would - I took the opportunity to remind myself this is how quiet things will be permanently if I dont beat this thing.
So I decided to cook a nice tea and settle down to watch the football and feel quite happy with myself.
Are there any other little tips you use to just take the edge of temptation when it creeps in for a second or two as I have the same thing tomorrow.
Well 1 week done.
Tough today as everyone went for drinks after work and I walked past the window on my way home and saw everyone inside looking like they were having a nice time.
I then drove past the local pub/bar and saw the same thing.
I have an empty house tonight as the little one is at her grannys and my wife is at work. .....But Instead of seeing that as an excuse to go out as I usually would - I took the opportunity to remind myself this is how quiet things will be permanently if I dont beat this thing.
So I decided to cook a nice tea and settle down to watch the football and feel quite happy with myself.
Are there any other little tips you use to just take the edge of temptation when it creeps in for a second or two as I have the same thing tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: North Hollywood, Ca
Posts: 3
Any type of relaxation is great. Especially meditation, exercise, a bath, yoga, going for a walk, etc.
In my experience, early on in recovery, the most important thing to do is avoid certain places, people and situations that may "trigger" you or spark a desire to get drunk. You may even find you need to take a different way home to avoid driving past a bar you used to frequent.
But as you do some type of spiritual or therapeutic work (which is hopefully right away). The focus then becomes resolving the internal discomfort that led us to drink in the first place. It's a necessary stage of recovery.
If you have to do battle with urges all the time by talking yourself out of them or avoiding certain places, you will most likely eventually have a bad day and give in. The hope is to eventually remove that desire altogether by doing some internal work and maintaining it. The 12-steps are excellent for that, and in my opinion the best, but they are not necessarily the only way.
In my experience, early on in recovery, the most important thing to do is avoid certain places, people and situations that may "trigger" you or spark a desire to get drunk. You may even find you need to take a different way home to avoid driving past a bar you used to frequent.
But as you do some type of spiritual or therapeutic work (which is hopefully right away). The focus then becomes resolving the internal discomfort that led us to drink in the first place. It's a necessary stage of recovery.
If you have to do battle with urges all the time by talking yourself out of them or avoiding certain places, you will most likely eventually have a bad day and give in. The hope is to eventually remove that desire altogether by doing some internal work and maintaining it. The 12-steps are excellent for that, and in my opinion the best, but they are not necessarily the only way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 13
Just letting you know I have now almost done 2 weeks and the last weekend and this week I have had temptation at every turn. Ive had a couple of days off work with the option of going to the pub for a 'quick' drink, Ive had a couple of evenings out with my wife staying sober (enjoyed myself more) and I have enjoyed seeing the mornings at a weekend without being sick. Ive popped on here a few times for inspiration and for that extra nudge to keep me away from my triggers. Interestingly non of the drinkers from the pub have text/rang me - I guess without the alcohol and getting wasted theres not much else we had in common.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congrats on 2 weeks! I had a lot of cravings and addictive thoughts at first, too. Getting support is the main thing: this place really helped me get through those times. And it does get easier the longer you stay sober.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 13
well I am now entering week 7. No alcohol and no cigarettes at all.
I just wanted to let you know Im still going well with it.
Lots of social functions at the minute Im having to avoid. Thoughts have started to creep in now as I remember the good times when out drinking. But after taking some 'time out' I remind myself of the damage done and steer myself away. I am avoiding putting myself in a situation where I may sporadically have that 'one' dangerous drink which will only lead one way. Heres to the next 7 weeks.....
I just wanted to let you know Im still going well with it.
Lots of social functions at the minute Im having to avoid. Thoughts have started to creep in now as I remember the good times when out drinking. But after taking some 'time out' I remind myself of the damage done and steer myself away. I am avoiding putting myself in a situation where I may sporadically have that 'one' dangerous drink which will only lead one way. Heres to the next 7 weeks.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by enoughnow10 
Lots of social functions at the minute Im having to avoid. Thoughts have started to creep in now as I remember the good times when out drinking.
I'm not allowed to post a direct link because I don't have enough posts on SR yet. But you can search it on YouTube.
Congratulations on your success. Keep it up!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 13
well I finally f****d up. Fell off the wagon in spectacular fashion. Was only dipping out for a 'couple' for my friends birthday yesterday afternoon. Ended up rolling in at 2am minus wallet, phone, was abusive and horrible to my partner and have now woken up alone minus my family. I cannot believe i have let myself down so badly after doing so well. feel devastated and its obviously an impossible struggle i am facing. feel like topping myself
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Think of it as a journey, many of us slip up along the way. Not much you can do about the past except to learn from it. I know its not much comfort but it is what it is.
One thing, I don't know about the wisdom of quitting smoking and drinkink at the same time. Many do it but some Doctors advise against it, too much to try to do at the same time.
Hang in there, yesterday is just another page in the history books, hope it turns around for you.
One thing, I don't know about the wisdom of quitting smoking and drinkink at the same time. Many do it but some Doctors advise against it, too much to try to do at the same time.
Hang in there, yesterday is just another page in the history books, hope it turns around for you.
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