renee410

Hi all! I am getting married on June 2nd, which will also be my 1 year sober anniversary :-)
I'm pretty sure I want a dry wedding, but I have many family members who would probably feel uncomfortable without a couple drinks. My fiancee doesn't drink (he doesn't have a problem, just hates drugs and alcohol). How do I explain that I don't want drinking part of our wedding without being preachy?
Thanks in advance :-)
Renee

soberlicious

I know people who had dry weddings. I've known people who've had a "no children" rule. I know people who have exchanged vows privately (no one was invited to the ceremony), then had a huge reception. Point is...there are no rules.
The bottom line is...it is your wedding. Do what makes you and your Sweets happy. I'm of the opinion that if someone doesn't like how I've designed my celebration, then they are certainly entitled not to attend.

TigerLili

If I got married again, I'd have an afternoon tea party. No booze.

If you and your fiance want a booze-free wedding, go for it. I would probably find a way to let people discreetly know though, in case people were planning to take taxis instead of drive so they could drink etc.

Gottalife

I got married at 7 years sober. Both AA and non AAs were amongst the guests, and alcohol was available to those who enjoy it, and it presented no problems. My wife was a social drinker. The point was, we had a choice, and so do you. Alcoholism played no part in the decision, we simply wanted our guests to have a good time.

It's your special day. your partner is not a drinker, so why not have a dry wedding if that is what you would both prefer.

And congratulations! I hope you have a wonderful day and an amazing life together:- there is no reason you can't have that either!

flutter

I think that is a fantastic idea!! I'd love to go to a dry wedding!

LexieCat

My first husband and I had a dry wedding--he was one year sober. The reception was at my parents' house, and lots of his AA friends were attending, so we just served N/A punch, and sparkling cider for the toast.

The only people unhappy about it were some of his coworkers at the time--several of whom were big drug users. Found out later they were snorting coke in the basement. No big deal--nobody got ugly, my parents didn't find out, the non-drinkers were comfortable and the normal drinkers didn't mind. Look, it's a social event lasting a few hours at the most. It's to celebrate YOUR happiness, so do it the way you want to do it!

renee410

Also, we're getting in the early afternoon and at a zoo!!
Thank you all for your advice. I'm still not sure what to do, although I'm leaning towards no booze.... I don't think anyone will die if they don't have a drink for 3-4 hours, lol!

lilyrosemary

The real hard core drinkers will find a way to get a few belts in. i know i would if i was still a drinker and invited to a non-drinking wedding. that being said, i would have had no ill feelings whatsoever towards someone choosing a dry wedding. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage and one year anniversary!

Anna

It's your wedding and you should do it exactly as you choose. And, you don't owe anyone an explanation. I think a dry wedding is a great idea.

Veritas1

Maybe if you have the event early in the day, brunch, coffee, cake...

The timing of the event might help to define the event as an alcohol free event.

People aren't usually getting drunk, drinking, etc, at church socials - meals - gatherings, model it after that?

If you could find a nice church with a fellowship hall attached, and again, lead all out for food, coffee, and cake...alcohol is just not served.

Congratulations!

LDT

My daughter got married when I was a year sober. I toasted with ice tea and water. I danced the night away, had the time of my life, and remembered every single detail. If you want a dry wedding I say go for it! No apologies and/or explanations necessary. It's YOUR day!

theHomerSimpson

So very true! lmao
"Live and Let Live" and then when life is out of control go to AA or Soberecovery.com!

sparky78

I had this same issue. But it is YOUR day, not theirs, it is your choice how you want to celebrate it. Your sobriety is too precious to waste on the few people who can't wait a few hours to drink. Plus think of the money you will save! Honestly, you will be so busy and it will go by so fast you won't have time to worry about the few people who are looking for an open bar.

Congrats on your sobriety & your new marriage!

deeker

You don't have to explain anything, it's your wedding day. They will get over it.

Pete55

I agree with the notion that you don't have to explain your reasons.
If the people you invited know of your past drinking days, and you are not drinking, they will more so understand anyway. Probably they are happier for you.

To them it's just one wedding where alcohol is not on the menu. There are many more weddings with alcohol, let those weddings do the drinking for yours!

jazzfish

I heard a funny story about a recovered man getting married. His essentially non-drinking wife put him in charge of organizing the booze for 200 guests. He thought long and hard about how much booze 200 people would drink at a wedding. After he presented his list, she cut it down by 75%. There was still plenty left over at the end. Great perspective.

More relevantly, I agree with the others. It is your wedding, plan it for you.

LexieCat

Heh, yeah, I can see it now. "Hmm, will two bottles of champagne per person be enough?"

ttbp

It's your day, you must do what you and your other half want

Congratulations xxx

paul99

That would have been for the pre-reception!

As to the OP, yeah, go for it. As mentioned, the only ones who might get their feathers all ruffled would be the ones who would bring their own mickey or keep going back to the car "to get something". Oh well, I was that guy.

Congrats on your engagement

Threshold

Congratulations! Plan a beautiful day that celebrates your love and health. Include the things that make you joyful and add to life and leave out the things that do not.

Booze is NOT what weddings are about, shocking news to some I know. lol. It's possible that as a recovering alcoholic we think "OMG...no booze, people will FREAK!" because at one time the idea of free booze and an excuse to drink to excess was music to our ears. But most people don't think or feel that way.

Many people will be thrilled it's a dry wedding, because they won't have to deal with the idiotic behavior of drunken revellers. Truly, people will bless you for it. I have heard it said many many times at and after a dry wedding. "wasn't that lovely and refreshing! No one made an ass of themselves."