Threshold

You know how people say that animals can "smell" or somehow sense when an earthquake or other natural disaster is coming their way...I feel that way today.

I have a nervous unrest inside, the sense that something isn't right and it's coming soon, I'm not sure where or when but soon, and it's scary and I don't know where to turn or how to head it off..heck, I'm not even sure what "it" is.

So I've been on edge all day, nervous eating...and all it gives me is a sick tummy and a sense of failure. THIS is the sort of feeling that led to me drinking and drugging...and part of my fear are those memories attached to THIS feeling.

I won't repeat that cycle. No booze, no drugs.

It's not comfortable sitting with this feeling, like the way it gets too quiet before a storm. I hoped that coming here and sharing would help. There is a WHOLE lot going on in my life right now, plenty of reasons to feel anxious. A real sense of dread. OMG OMG not THIS again..ugh.

so...I'm a coyote, I "smell" an earthquake...is there something I can or should do other than pace and howl at the moon?

Dee74

I never smelt earthquakes but I've spent days sometimes waiting for something bad to happen.

I'm better now, but it can still happen.
The thing is bad things happen whether I feel them coming or not...and so do good things.

I try not to obsess - I keep busy....rent a funny movie

I hope tomorrows a less fraught day Threshold

Here's to better times ahead for us all

D

Fernaceman

That's an interesting feeling, I bet. Hope it's just that, a feeling. Nothing bad HAS to happen...maybe realize that there's nothing you can really do to control the future and morbidly reflecting on it won't necessarily help? I, too, am a master worry-worry.

paul99

I often had that "other shoe about to fall" feeling very often when I was active in my drinking...and that's because the other shoe usually didfall, because of my actions surrounding alcohol. But now I don't have to worry about looking over my shoulder, or have my ear to the ground listening to the invading hoards. It's an old habit, or way of thinking perhaps, Threshold. I am not sure. But I like Dee's suggestion - watch a goofy film or something. Something to get out of self and away from overthinking it...something that we alcoholics don't do well with!

Grymt

I can only tell what works for me.
It is not an unfamiliar experience for me.
For me it works in a sequence: (often lasting about three days for some reason.)

I have a sense of something impending. I acknowledge it. I keep doing logical things. I maintain awareness of the sensation. Be aware of my breathing, just aware.

I have a vivid dream. Again I acknowledge and get on with my life. Be aware of my breathing, just aware.

I have some sort of epiphany. It may be accompanied with a release like crying. Be aware of my breathing, just aware.

ie a sense or an awareness.
A discomfiture which is hard to think clearly through.
The storm.

Calm.

_

Contemplate mindfulness, be aware of breath, act moderately.

It gets easier. It happens again. Deal with it - Faith grows.

___________

Of course part of the logical moderate behavior is while not always doing the right thing try to do as little of the wrong thing as possible. Be gentle. A moral foundation.

sugarbear1

it says on your profile you are reading Basic Text

ask you higher power to help you out now

big hugs,
~SB

BackToSquareOne

I used to get that a lot in withdrawal. Anxiety, racing thoughts and sense of impending doom sort of went with the territory. Getting those same feelings for no apparent reason can be very disconcerting. I always tried to simply recognize the thoughts as irrational and they usually passed.

tomsteve

boy, was i good at makin things come into reality. i wanted what i thought would happen to happen so i could say,"i told you i was right!"
then i got into recovery. saw the insanity of that. saw my life was better off without self imposed drama and chaos. saw that,yup, things do come up in life, but i have a choice whether i make it a montain or a molehill.

Live2Run25

Coming to terms with the "unsteady feelings" seems like a good place to start....ride them out and let them pass. Don't allow for it to become more than that. =)

Threshold

There have been very few times in my life that I was in a situation to make a major life decision on my own, without contemplating the impact on others to which I was responsible....That's a long way of saying that for the first time I have no one to "blame" my choice on, but me! Or to applaud for, or to turn to, or to fall back on.

It's all on me, and I think that is scaring the heck out of me. I used to worry for it to blow up in my face because I had little say and was just going along with things, now I am wondering if maybe it wasn't easier when I just had to do what I had to do.

The freedom to make important choices for myself is a HUGE responsibility!

I am definitely in the habit of waiting for the shoe to fall, the poop to hit the fan etc...and this time...it's on me. Which is both a relief and somewhat intimidating.

I'm riding it out, I'm doing the right thing, even though it feels scary as anything, even though I keep waiting for someone to say "hey, whatdaya think yer doin?" NO ONE is going to say that. This is my life, it's what I worked for, planned for and want for my future.....

Yeah, it's a little bit of an earthquake.

quitforme79

I know this feeling you speak of...you just put it into words in a way I never could. When I sense something bad is going to happen, I pray. And then if it continues I try to figure out where it's coming from. If I can't I talk to someone and either they point it out or I figure it's just myself waiting for (as paul said) the shoe to drop as I have done often throughout my life. You're doing the best you can...staying sober and talking about it here. It will pass.

Johno1967

"I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my time. Some of them actually happened" Mark Twain
We alcoholics have a way of dreaming up the worst. Let it pass and tell yourself that things are fundamentally well and all will turn out if I do what's right.

Threshold

Yes, I'll survive, I've already had some of the things I fear most happen to me, and yet here I still am, and this doesn't have the potential to get as bad as that is...

My panic attack the other day was not based on logic, which is one of the darned things about panic attacks. It's harder to argue with things that are NOT logical, at least for me.

I think the very feeling of a panic attack just leads to dread in me because it feels like the start of a chain of events that gets really uncomfortable before it gets better, I guess like a flare up of anything chronic and nasty, but I will survive!

That being said, I quit my job yesterday...it can be hard to tell what is self care and what is caprice...but I only had a week left anyway because I am preparing for a move. Still....

Panic is pretty normal when a person is facing what I am, major life changes and not a sign of something being wrong really...just the awareness that there is a lot of adjustment on the horizon and I'm not sure how it's all going to look and feel.

Funny thing. I woke in a cold sweat in the middle of the night from a dream about the job I just quit...ACK. our minds can be so stupid

Weasel1966

Hey threshold..... I am very logical. Painfully so. I am very emotional. Painfully so. When these two collide and I cannot determine which is in conrol then a few things happen. I drink. I drug. I get the feeling of doom. Or sometimes even just a little electric.

I know that "smell" is a metaphor. But consider getting some really good stinky stuff. I love freshners that smell like rain. Or Lilacs. Those smells transport me to good memories. Kind of make me feel like "spring". Get you mind away from the worry.

May very well be a stupid idea but I use things like that to change my mood. Since I don't do you know what anymore.

K

Threshold

No Weasel that is a GREAT idea! I am extremely smell sensitive and I mean that in a good way. I have all sorts of things for aromatherapy and use scent to advantage.

In fact, this is a funny coincidence, I have a pot of body butter that is vanilla tangerine...swoon. And for many months I'd put it on my hands ever night before I'd meditate/pray/gratitude exercise, and it was the smell that I began to associate with calming restful moods.

In fact over the Summer I was spending a night with my grandson and I had HIM rub it on his hands too and told him that the smell would help him sleep!

But...as we so often do, when we get wound up we forget things. DUH.

So this morning I am getting ready to henna my hair, and I need something to rub around my scalp line and on my ears so they don't turn orange...so I grab my body butter and open it and dang that stuff smells DIVINE! Immediate smile and sense of well being.

I recently stumbled on a scent company called Demeter that makes fragrances from all sorts of things...the smell of a greenhouse or a horse stable, or a zillion other amazing things that take people "back".

So, thanks for reminding me and I'll bet some other people on here will try a little aromatherapy as well!

another funny. I ate half a banana last night before bed. Then this morning I was up and around, then walked into my bedroom and my heart skipped a beat...it smelled like booze...the alcohol smell of a banana peel!

Scent has a HUGE effect on me!

Threshold

Well, I had a using dream last night (this morning...nice way to wake up eh?)

I don't recall using in the dream, but I recall knowing I had used and being angry, dissapointed and scared. I was debating whether or not I was going to give up my clean time, arguing with myself because I am so proud of my clean time and was so sorry to have besmirched it. But I knew that being dishonest and saying I'd been clean for such and such amount of time when I had not was just more addict behavior.

There was such a sense of hollowness over having used again, and wondering why I would have done such a thing when I KNOW it wouldn' help anything and I gave up something precious for essentially nothing.

OH, and the dream was also another stress fest dream over the job I quit two days ago!

I have done some binge eating over the past few days and I think that is the "clean time" thing in my dream, though in the dream it was pills I had taken.

So....waking up, fresh day, living clean. How can just a dream leave me feeling so beaten up and shaken up?

Weasel1966

Thanks for the tip! I just went on demeter website. Lots to see. I think I will get something this weekend!

K

Quinne

I needed to read that tonight-I'm starting a new part-time job on Wednesday and got myself properly wound up about it. Thank you

Xx

Johno1967

I would not say panic, more likely anxiety. Panic is a complete loss of control when faced with a threat. The "fight or flight" response kicks in. Anxiety is that feeling you get in your gut that something bad is going to happen, apprehension, foreboding and fear.
Completely normal reaction to stressors in your life. Its how you respond to those stressors that's important.
As Douglas Adam's says in the "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy": Don't Panic!