Twelvecans

For 10 years or so I've been thinking about telling my mother (father dead) about my alcoholism. I know she will be supportive of me but I cant bear the thought of her being disappointed and perhaps blaming her self. Also the shame I feel is overwhelming. I would very much like to hear the story of people who has told their loved ones.

caboblanco

I haven't told anyone in my family. I don't think there is any reason too. It would just create more awkwardness and dissapointment

NeedMySavior

I'm wrestling with this........I feel I must tell my dad and sister as we will be all together in May for family celebrations. My birthday, my sons high school graduation and party, and my dads wedding. They all drink. Sometimes a lot, especially when we are all together. I feel they will be supportive of me, but also that my dad will "drink if I want to drink", I've heard that said a lot. I worry about him, but realize he is almost 70 and will do what he wants. He says his dr told him he has a "central tremor" cuz he shakes. Th dr told him it goes away if he has a drink. Sounds like alcohol dependence to me.

I will NOT tell my in-laws though! Too much judgement and they don't really drink.

FBL

I had no problem telling my family and friends...most of them already knew anyway. It's helped to keep me accountable for my sobriety.

findingout

I did not tell my immediate family for the first month I was in outpatient rehab. Once I was sure I was going to make a true effort to recover, I told my father and my sisters. They were all supportive but they all continued to drink around me. That was ok as I did not expect them to stop on my account.

Several months later, I told all of my friends that I was in recovery and told many of them exactly how bad is had gotten before I entered treatment. Besides dealing with the 'Why are you not drinking?" question as honestly as I could, I wanted the accountability. I wanted to remove the possibility for me to return to drinking and pretend that it was never that bad.

My experience is that my alcoholism did not flourish in honest, well lit spaces. It required dark corners of denial and half truths.

needtostopthis

I havent told anyone, they know i drink and have seen me hungover alot of times but both my mom and dad are alcoholics themselves so i figure why tell them. My mom is in denial, dosent think she has a problem. She does she binges and has for years. My dad just stopped drinking 2 weeks ago. Now when i was in the midst of another horrible hangover the other day i almost called my mom and spilled my guts, but my husband said, why? She will just bring you down, she wont help you. He is right. I wish i had someone to tell that would be supportive.

LadyinBC

Yes I have told my family and some of my friends. Only my really good friends. My mom is an alcoholic and she totally understands how I feel about drinking even though she still does drink. I think she was worried at first that I blamed her, but I don't.

She gets the "i can't stop feeling" and can totally relate to me. She said she is proud of me and will be as supportive as she can.

Quinne

My immediate family knew that I'm alcoholic long before I did; most of my drinking was done in their home. My parents and two sisters often ask how the meetings are and I think that's really quite awesome. I believe I'm making something of a living amends to them.

Mum is a heavy drinker and Dad identifies as alcoholic-he hasn't touched a drink for 3 years and has made progress in his own way. However, I did hand him a copy of AA's Big Book and highlighted a couple of chapters....I knew he'd go from the beginning He called me a couple of months ago and said "I got through the first 3 chapters and something compelled me to read other people's experiences. I had a revelation today-I'm an alcoholic."

It was the most important and meaningful conversation we've ever had. I think what I'm getting at is that alcoholic or not, you never know the kind of dialogue that can be opened through honesty and sharing Dad and I have always been close, but now we're almost like allies too

Xx

deeker

Ha Ha Tell my family, um I am pretty sure they already knew, I think the 7 jail stints, and 14 institutions kinda gave it away and when I finally accepted it they were thrilled.

Tamerua

Both of my parents have passed, one from alcohol, the other from a heart attack. I haven't told my sister and I am not sure I will until I have to make amends. Although, it wasn't a secret. If she was around I was sloshed.

Dee74

Hi twelvecans

I think the important thing to remember is telling your mum or not is really a side issue...it's not something you need to do to get sober, and you probably should look at it in that light.

Some people tell their parents and receive support - some get condemnation.
I told my mum - didn't make a whit of difference.

It's a very individual thing.

D

suki44883

I told anyone I could get to stand still long enough.

Threshold

I've pretty much told the people who are close to me, the same people I would tell anything important and serious and private. So some of my family members fall into that category, and some of them don't. Just like any other private thing I tell them, they realize it's not for sharing.

TheEnd

My family came to visit me in rehab, so I didn't have to worry about telling them. They were worried about me, but believed that I could overcome this. Since they live 1200 miles away, they were kind of stunned about what was going on, but they were aware of my first DUI 10 years ago, so I guess they weren't completely clueless.

Guyver

My father was an alcoholic, my uncle told me if his life was to mean anything I should make something of myself and stay sober.. so far a failure.

CharlieNoogan

Twelvecans, I was in your predicament myself. I refused to admit to myself or anyone else that I had a problem with alcohol because I was afraid of letting my parents down, their disappointment, thinking it was their fault, etc.

When I did finally take Step 1, much to my surprise they were thrilled and extremely supportive of my decision. I couldn't have done it without them, quite frankly.

Remember Steps 8 & 9... eventually you will likely have to make amends to your parents so they will find out. Chances are they already know about your "secret" anyway.

Fernaceman

I have told everyone in my family, and have made amends to virtually all of them, where practical. It definitely helps in the long run. To me, NOT telling them is keeping a sort of reservation in the bag in case this whole sobriety thing doesn't work out.

kiki26

My first attempt at sobriety my parents were the ones who suggested I go to treatment. My dad had a lot of guilt due to his drinking. But they supported me 100%. My dad passed away a year ago, and I just recently stopped drinking again. This time around is different. My parents were my crutch before and now with just my mom I feel guilty and a burden on her. After my dad died I think we just pretended my drinking didn't exist. She knows I'm a month sober but I don't go into much detail. I want her to not have to worry about me, even though I know she does.

NotSureOfMyself

I did/do most of my worst stuff pretty publicly so yeah my family and friends and a lot of other people all know. I'm pretty up front about it and so far I've only gotten flak if I was screwing around and I deserved it. It's better to just be honest, being an alcoholic isn't that bad with most people they just wont wanna drink with you. If they're close they'll worry which is actually good if people care but then you have more incentive to turn it around and give them good news right? I don't think your mom would be as shocked as you think. She probably already knows. I know that people started approaching the subject with me at least 2 or 3 years before I finally realized around the time I turned 20 I'd pretty much wrecked my life because of alcohol.

It's a struggle, it always will be and honesty is policy IMO dealing with things like this. It can lead to situations than could kill you if it's hidden far away from view unchecked you know.

Twelvecans

I would very much like to thank all of your for your posts. The impression I'm left with is that it would be ok to tell my mom and that she would be supportive and that its not dangerous to tell her. But even though she would be supportive and things like that I think I know that it would cause her discomfort so I'll tell her after I have beaten my alcoholism.

"Hey ma' I used to have a drinking problem but now I'm fine" sounds much better.