Screwed up
 

Well, it happened. I screwed up last night, drank, and now am hung over with a horrendous headache, and hating life and myself. Its a beautiful day today, and I will waste it.

God, you'd think a girl would learn.

Anyway, I wanted to post this to hold myself accountable, take the lashing I deserve, and get some encouragement to not be an idiot in the future.

We make mistakes, that's life:)

Put one foot in front of the other and start again. Be thankful you didn't go out on some binge!!!

I can't tell you how many times I've slipped but we have to keep going. Can you possibly see what your relapse trigger was?? If you can learn something from it, than it has value.

Thanks for your honesty:)

No lashes from me. Sometimes it happens, but you can make sure it's the last time you have to feel crappy because of a hangover. You don't have to waste the beautiful day, either. You can sit outside in the sun and just be grateful for the fact that you have a lovely day to recuperate.

Hang in there. It gets better. :grouphug:

No lashes from me either. Pick yourself up, and move on. The only problem I see is if you stopped trying.

And agreed. You don't have to waste the day. Feed yourself water and sunshine if possible.

It happens. The day isn't wasted at all. You are still alive, and you're getting back on track. Just keep on trying and don't give up. :c031:

julez, what are you working as a recovery program?

If you are an alcoholic like me you don't just say "I quit" and walk away.

All the best.

Bob R

Hello all. I feel your pain. After years of sobriety I binged last night and the day before. Everytime I drink I go through withdrawl. Got the shakes and sweats as we speak.

I figured I need to be proactive to stay sober, so I joined this forum. Just knowing there are people going through what I'm going through helps alot. Thanks for posting, really does help.

I did AA for a while. I really did like it, got a ton out of it, but after a while, it just started to depress me. It was the same people, the same stories, it felt kind of cliquey and so I stopped going. I was sober for a while, and very happy!
I think the trigger for me last night was pure happiness. Isn't that the stupidest thing you have ever heard?
My kids were both gone for the night, my husband and I had an awesome day together, and after dinner, we sat down to watch a movie, and had some drinks. Even when I was sober, I didn't mind if he drank, because it was my problem, not his, and it never tempted me or anything. But last night I had too much, and today just reminds me of what I used to feel like EVERY day, way back when.
I do NOT want to go back to that. I WON'T.
So here I am, back, loving the support that people give here, and feeling optimistic about tomorrow!

Yeah, I know what you mean... especially the oldtimers.

I've gone to AA regularly for nearly 24 years and about a year ago a few of the oldtimers asked me to join them at their table. :c033:

All the best to you.

Bob R

AA isn't about the war stories, but sometimes they get dragged out more than they should. Working on the solution, rather than staying the in problem is our aim...sorry to hear that wasn't your experience.

As far as the happiness thing - my greatest urges to drink were when things were good (or seemed to be good) - there was a sense that I was in control (and of course I wasn't), that I celebrated that. And got drunk, of course. I drank for every other reason under the sun, but when I was feeling good...well, it was that more special, if you will.

I wish you the best

julez, that is not stupid at all. I feel like if I will ever relapse it will be because of that very same thing. My sponsor calls it a "peace-time ****-up". I have felt the same thing.

Sorry to hear you caved-in last night. Were you feeling like you were going to do it for a while? How long were you sober for?

I understand your frustrations about AA being very cliquey as well. I feel the same thing with my home group. I've never been about the cliques even when I wasn't in AA. Just something about it all that bothers me. Well, anyway, I hope you will get back on the road to recovery and just treat this event as a slip.

As much as I may want to get trashed or f'ed-up on a weekend night, I still keep myself away and try to stay in AA because otherwise I WILL go back to that painful hangover management that would occur every single day. Good luck!

I started drinking out of severe family stress about 5 years ago. I went to AA, was sober for a while, then picked up and was able to moderate. That went on for a couple years. Now the family stress is back. I was still fine, having a couple drinks and being able to stop. No problem at all. But I came back here because I felt like even when I knew that I had had my couple social drinks and needed to stop, I felt like I wanted more. The stress has been absolutely unbearable, yet I was able to keep my will to stay in control. Last night when I was SO HAPPY and stress free for the first time in MONTHS, I gave in to that AV saying so what, you can have a couple more if you want. I've been doing so awesome, and I ruined it. I feel like I'm a situational alcoholic, if that makes sense. I don't know, maybe thats a totally ignorant thing to say, but I have felt that way. So now its Sunday, the beginning of a new week, and the beginning of me completely abstaining for a while.

Screwed Up, again.
 

I like to get extremely intoxicated and wonder around abandonded buildings in the St. Louis area. I spray paint on the walls and since I am an alcoholic, I have essentially been doind this alone lately, noone wants to be around me when I get like that.

I work/ed the overnight shift at Cafe, yesterday, I got drunk before work (down at the railroad tracks, all alone).

The cafe is very busy, I was so overwhelmed I literally walked out of the shift, being the only food server there, leaving the guests and the non-english speaking cook deal with it on their own.

I have been staying with my father (in hopes of sobriety and gaining my own living quarters), so, I drove home after "quitting" packed my belongings and drove to Chicago, where there is nothing for me at all, othere than a buddy who is basically dealing with the same thing I am.

This is not the first time I have done something ridiculous like this, I would reallly like for this one to be the last.

So, I screwed up.

Day 1.

akkk thanks for sharing your story, and since its day 1 for me too, maybe we can support each other :)

julez
:thanks
awesome, we def should man. seriously.

Julez,
I remember you from when I first joined SR. I only come here off and on now.

I can understand that voice that says you are relaxed and feel good so it is okay to drink. And I can see why it is tempting to drink, since part of the time it goes ok. I don't know if it is possible to be a situational alcoholic.

It helps that you've been sober and enjoyed it. I think that makes it so much easier to get sober again. (But it can still be hard.) I think it helps to already have that sense that sobriety feels good. It is often that sense of how good sobriety feels in my body that keeps me from drinking, although I get tempted and I have drank a few times in the past few years.

Take good care of yourself! Be gentle with yourself.

I suggest you try hitting different meetings. Every group I've ever attended had a different "flavor" to it. Most places have tons and tons of meetings, so surf around a bit. I went to a lot of different meetings when I was newly sober. Some groups felt more comfortable to me than others.

Besides--when you do that you are greatly expanding your network of support. Since it helped you before, I'd suggest trying it again. Sometimes it also makes a difference when we become more willing--stuff that got under our skin before no longer seems so important because we have shifted our focus.

Just a thought.

I wouldn't fingerpoint or give you advice....because we have all made mistakes....you felt good and "celebrated" with the old way, (me too)....You can and will feel good again, but wiser to make better decisions. Last night is past and it's a new week with a positive attitude...put some sober celebration ideas in place and some sober stress relievers too.

(i bought myself a soda stream and 5 different kinds of delicious herbal teas)

Welcome back Julez :)

If situations make you drink maybe it's a good idea now to think about what you can do next time? what can you do differently? is there anything you can add? changes you make?

This really can be the last time - if you want it to be.

D

Julez - I was a slow learner, too. Now I have 5 yrs. sober. I know I'm never going back there, but it took me a few times to really get it. I can't touch it - not a drop. Willpower is of no use against it. Once I truly believed that - I was able to stop playing with it and get well. You will too.