Kawboy

Well I flubbed on the 13th day (night). I'm not sure why the urge was overwhelming tonight, aside from stress at work and it being grill night, but I ended up caving. There's been a partial bottle of wine in the house so I had 2 glasses of Chardonnay (the rest of the bottle).

The end of the world, no. Am I angry, not really. I am, however, disappointed. I fell way short of my goal and will start from scratch tomorrow.

Oddly enough, it was quite an internal struggle as I poured the first glass. Even stalling to take the first sip. So much 5hit was going though my head. I thought I would feel better after I was done the 2nd glass, but that wasn't the case.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Dee74

To err is human, but it's not inevitable either

Try and thing what you can do differently now - what do you need to add - what other changes can you make in your life to make this recovery thing stick?

you can do this, kawboy

D

2granddaughters

Right on, Kawboy:

By the time we start posting on sobriety websites and thinking about AA the fun's over.

We know what will happen if we go back and we're scared to move forward. It's a "stuck" place to be for most.

All the best.

Bob R

paul99

There is always going to be a grill night and a stressful workday on the horizon...so what do you have planned when they come up again? Or when the car breaks down, or it rains, or...well, you get the picture. There was always something that came up for me that "made" me drink. In the end the fact that I was awake was enough reason to drink.


I don't find this odd at all. This is what many, if not all, go through - we know the booze isn't going to do for us what we hope it will do. It stopped doing it a long time ago, but there is that voice that always says "this time it will be different". There was a day a long time ago when the party was over...and I wouldn't believe it until I was almost dead.

Good luck on your journey.

tomb

Great post

soberhope1984

Good-luck with continuing your sobriety. Yes there will always be some form of stress around us, and I wish you the best in finding other positive ways to deal with it. I am kind of the same way.

Sikkisirus

"we know the booze isn't going to do for us what we hope it will do."

So true.

FlowersJasmine

Here you meet people who have faced similar challenges and they have overcome. Whatever happens just know that you are not alone in this battle. Keep moving!

Kawboy

Welp, it's a new day and the sun is shining. I'm glad we didn't have anything else in the house cuz that's certainly my weak spot (no headache was nice too). I can surpress the urge to go to the liquor store but if there are drinkables in the house, that's anotha story.

Dave H

We need to become dediceted to recovery and not relapse. Our addiction will kill us if we do not stop it. If you are not attending meets, I suggest you start. 2,3, or 4 a week. It's "Grill night somewhere every night (just like it's 5:00 o'clock somewhere). This is something that we must say NO to everyday. But it does get easier.

Become pro-active in your recovery. Alcohol will ruin our health, our jobs, our family, our reputation and our character. There will come a point when people will not want anything to do with us. Our breath will reek of alcohol, our voice will be slurred and we will talk and say stupid things, ect, ect...and others will avoid us.

But it does not need to be that way. Good luck.

Anna

I agree with the idea of being pro-active. I don't ever keep alcohol in the house. It just makes life simpler. And, maybe you can make a plan for the next time you have a craving like that. You can do this!

Kawboy

Never tried meetings. Great idea but dunno where I'd fit it into my schedule. I have 2 completely different positions with my employer and one of them has me oncall afterhours (IT work). I don't even get to take a lunch cuz I'm always busy. After work we have to pickup the boys from daycare and go home. 6-9:30 i walk the dog, make dinner, eat, cleanup, and have a lil time with the boys until i put them down. I also make some side cash by doing pc repair so i have to fit that in where ever possible.

I know it sounds like an excuse but i'm literally running non-stop from 7a-11p.

freshstart57

Don't know what that has to do with giving up on the drinking, and quitting the giving up on you. You know what to do, kawboy. Believe in yourself and your ability to quit, that's a good place to start.

Kawboy

Fresh: True. I was just referencing Dave's comment re. AA mtgs. That would be great support and the social aspect is a pos as well. Not being able to do that doesnt deter me, just gotta not cave to the urges.

2granddaughters

Your priorities are skewed. Alcoholic pain and suffering will realign them.

Recovery will come first .... followed by family, job etc.

Without sobriety you will lose the others down the line anyway.

All the best.

Bob R

Fandy

I think it is Great that you take care of your family and are an active parent and cook. Your priorities are fine. You do not have to justify your responsibilities, i get my support here too.
And walking my dog is one of my multi tasking ways to meditate.
But you need to have a plan in place for urges..and work through them, because they pass through with no warning.
I agree, keep it out of the house and keep a variety of substitutes.

julez

Kawboy, I have two things to point out.
1. You gave into your urges, and nothing changed. You gave in to your cravings, felt bad, and still want to remain sober. Thats GREAT!!!! Keep thinking of that!!
2. If you have time to walk the dog, etc, and you have time to drink, then there may be time for a meeting too. There are so many, everyday at so many times, you might be surprised if you looked up local meetings.
I have great hope and great faith in you! Stay strong!

Kawboy

2gran: fam always comes first. I live and breathe for that and i will never put myself before them.

Re: meetings
I guess my main issue with AA is the theistic aspect. I have my own established beliefs and have no desire for organized religion to be pushed down my throat as a means of recovery.

Miggie

If you pour it into a glass you can pour it into the sink

Dee74

you don't think you do that when you drink, Kawboy?

D