Really struggling not to drink. Depression related.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 92
Really struggling not to drink. Depression related.
I'm really struggling not to drink at the moment. I've been sober for 7 and a half months and on the whole I've been ok. There have been moments when I've really wanted to drink but they have passed. I'm in a bad place at the moment. I haven't left the house since last Thursday. I'm sleeping a lot, not getting dressed and have been considering overdosing (as self harm, not suicide). In the past drinking has helped me temporarily function. It's helped me be able to get out of the house and have enough energy to function on some level. Obviously it doesn't take long for the costs to massively outweigh any benefits, I know that and I'm trying to focus on all the damage drinking caused rather than the brief benefit. I'm also aware that if I was drinking (and therefore able to leave the house) there is a much greater risk of me overdosing. That isn't what I want.
I've got my mental health worker coming over to my house tomorrow so I guess I'll see what he suggests but I was wondering if anyone has any thing to suggest bearing in mind leaving the house is not an option at the moment.
I've got my mental health worker coming over to my house tomorrow so I guess I'll see what he suggests but I was wondering if anyone has any thing to suggest bearing in mind leaving the house is not an option at the moment.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Edinburgh Scotland
Posts: 3
Struggled myself today (kept wrong company & depression has also been mounting) what a feeling of relief now that its passed, you will get through it and i swear it will be worth it. To imagine the state i could have been in right now if i had drank today. Dig deep its worth it!
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Oh boy Friday, that is so tough. How about finding a good old movie, maybe one of the teenaged classics like Ferris Bueller, or Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Those always take me back to happier days. Or find an online game maybe? I'm so sorry, and I am sending you positive thoughts and hugs!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
I'm thinking of you too Friday. I do relate to that trigger / link between depression in sobriety and where it takes us (so often back to the bottle). This happened for me in the last coupla months, i.e. I slid into a full blown relapse period.
So bad, and so fast, that I had to check myself back into my previous rehab (from a year ago), just to detox in a safe and supportive environment for a week.
I'm so glad you have a mental health worker coming to your home; if s/he has already been by now, how do you feel now? I do hope it helped.
So bad, and so fast, that I had to check myself back into my previous rehab (from a year ago), just to detox in a safe and supportive environment for a week.
I'm so glad you have a mental health worker coming to your home; if s/he has already been by now, how do you feel now? I do hope it helped.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Friday13, sorry you are having a rough time.
I related to your story. Found myself in a similar spot when I was 19. I had just come out of a court imposed rehab. I was too young to be alcoholic and was doing my best to convince the medics that I had some form of mental illness. To me that was far preferable to being alcoholic. But the doctors weren't swallowing that line - I suppose my track record showed otherwise.
So I declined any help from AA, and struggled on on my own for another month or so then found my self falling apart. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't function. Nurses report descibed my living conditions as absolute squalor (I found out later).
There were two possible solutions for me. One I had already thrown out because of ignorance I guess. The other was to return to my old power, the bottle which was the only way I knew to get to a place where I felt half ok. So I returned to my old power for another couple of years till I was knocking on death's door.
This time I went to AA. I was done with drinking and willing to try it their way. It was a lot more successful and while not entirely pain free, it was so much better than where I got to under my own power.
Depression of a sort, anxiety and fear are normal parts of early sobriety, but with help and support I managed to get through that without having to plead insanity to the doc. AA's 12 steps quickly removed much of those negative feelings and replaced them with something infinitely better. I've been happily sober ever since.
I related to your story. Found myself in a similar spot when I was 19. I had just come out of a court imposed rehab. I was too young to be alcoholic and was doing my best to convince the medics that I had some form of mental illness. To me that was far preferable to being alcoholic. But the doctors weren't swallowing that line - I suppose my track record showed otherwise.
So I declined any help from AA, and struggled on on my own for another month or so then found my self falling apart. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't function. Nurses report descibed my living conditions as absolute squalor (I found out later).
There were two possible solutions for me. One I had already thrown out because of ignorance I guess. The other was to return to my old power, the bottle which was the only way I knew to get to a place where I felt half ok. So I returned to my old power for another couple of years till I was knocking on death's door.
This time I went to AA. I was done with drinking and willing to try it their way. It was a lot more successful and while not entirely pain free, it was so much better than where I got to under my own power.
Depression of a sort, anxiety and fear are normal parts of early sobriety, but with help and support I managed to get through that without having to plead insanity to the doc. AA's 12 steps quickly removed much of those negative feelings and replaced them with something infinitely better. I've been happily sober ever since.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 92
Thank you all for your suggestions. I distracted myself with Dexter and hiding under the duvet. The mental health worker was ok. He apologised for not getting in contact sooner (I'm meant to be seen regularly but I didn't ring so I can't blame him. He's not psychic!). He suggested a stay at the crisis house (a residential alternative to hospital with 24 hour support for up to two weeks). In the past I've found it helpful so I think I'll probably go. It's miles better than hospital which is where I'm heading if I don't do something soon.
I'm keeping focused on where drinking took me and holding on to the fact that this will eventually pass.
I'm keeping focused on where drinking took me and holding on to the fact that this will eventually pass.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Tampa, (for now)
Posts: 26
Hi Friday 13,
Hope things are going at least a bit better for you. I'm also going through a period of pretty severe depression, haven't left the house for weeks, cravings & some of the darkest thoughts toward myself I've ever had. Very scary at times indeed. I just keep reminding myself that my relapse is what brought me to such a state to begin with, & that, at least, helps with the cravings & so far, my current sobriety.
Best Wishes,
S.
Hope things are going at least a bit better for you. I'm also going through a period of pretty severe depression, haven't left the house for weeks, cravings & some of the darkest thoughts toward myself I've ever had. Very scary at times indeed. I just keep reminding myself that my relapse is what brought me to such a state to begin with, & that, at least, helps with the cravings & so far, my current sobriety.
Best Wishes,
S.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
hello, I also use Dexter as my distraction too 
I stopped drinking for a lot of reasons, partly depression related. I'm nearly at a year sober, and had struggles with thinking (at times) I may as well drink as I still felt bad. Then the day would pass and the next morning I'd always remember how when I did drink getting out of bed was not an option.
It's got a lot better just recently. I'm glad I've not drunk, though there were at times it was hard, the next day I was always relieved as it did pass. The crisis centre does sound a good idea to get support. I always find with depression it's a balancing act as sometimes you retreat but there are times I make myself reach out to certain people when needs be. And you reaching out to your mental health worker sounded a good way to go.
Let us know how you're doing.
I stopped drinking for a lot of reasons, partly depression related. I'm nearly at a year sober, and had struggles with thinking (at times) I may as well drink as I still felt bad. Then the day would pass and the next morning I'd always remember how when I did drink getting out of bed was not an option.
It's got a lot better just recently. I'm glad I've not drunk, though there were at times it was hard, the next day I was always relieved as it did pass. The crisis centre does sound a good idea to get support. I always find with depression it's a balancing act as sometimes you retreat but there are times I make myself reach out to certain people when needs be. And you reaching out to your mental health worker sounded a good way to go.
Let us know how you're doing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 503
Hi Friday,
I hope the crisis house helpful. And it's good that you are determinedly prioritising your sobriety as well. As you say, this time will pass. And you're doing brilliantly and are very strong.
I've found that in sobriety no matter how crippling the physical effects of my depression, no matter how barren or painful my mood has been or how terrifying my thoughts, there's always been an extra safety gear to shift down to somewhere ... Even when I think there isn't. I'm never ... quite ... entirely ... giving in. And at some point things improve.
If I was drinking though, well, I'd be giving in all over the shop. And utterly off my rocker to boot.
Stay tough and keep asking for help - you're getting there
And congratulations on 7.5months! X
I hope the crisis house helpful. And it's good that you are determinedly prioritising your sobriety as well. As you say, this time will pass. And you're doing brilliantly and are very strong.
I've found that in sobriety no matter how crippling the physical effects of my depression, no matter how barren or painful my mood has been or how terrifying my thoughts, there's always been an extra safety gear to shift down to somewhere ... Even when I think there isn't. I'm never ... quite ... entirely ... giving in. And at some point things improve.
If I was drinking though, well, I'd be giving in all over the shop. And utterly off my rocker to boot.
Stay tough and keep asking for help - you're getting there
And congratulations on 7.5months! X
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