Woofers

Hi, SR,

I am new to this sobriety thing, and I'm somewhat intimidated by a couple obvious roadblocks that I am going to have to find a way through if this effort to quit drinking is going to work. At least that's how it seems to me at the moment...I'm also concerned about the roadblocks I don't yet see and can't even imagine at this early point...I guess I'll work on those as they come into focus.

Anyway, here's the current obvious issue: I need to find a new way to relax. My pattern of behavior shows that one of the most reliable triggers that gets me to open that first beer is that I've come to the end of the work day, or finished a big project at the house, or just feel that I need to take it easy for a while. Then one beer becomes two, and maybe there's a mixed drink to be found, and so on...

Anybody have any advice or experience on how you faced this kind of issue?

llastchance8

Try to go back in the past and try to remember what did you like doing in your childhood or just before you started drinking. May be music, dance,any sports, swimming, watching movies,any thing . Try that. But it needs an approach called " delayed gratification " . The natural activities give pure pleasure but it takes time.. It will not be an instant fix like alcohol. But ,eventually, you realize that the relaxation brought by natural activities, lasts long and is pure.. Try anything but please be patient. It takes time but it is worth waiting. Best of luck.

Patsfan

How about relaxing with a TV show you recorded but didn't have time to watch?

Pereparing/cooking a nice meal for yourself? Bake something to bring to work to share, or for someone else

Turning on relaxing music (like a meditation CD set to music)

Reading a good book, reading magazines, reading "fluff" stuff like gossip mags

Chatting/Talking with friends

Going for a long walk

Get a massage at a spa

Take a nap (one of my faves!)

Hope some of these ideas helped! (Might have to take a nap now)

Woofers

Thanks for your ideas guys. One challenge for me is that little voice in my head that seems to equate drinking with having fun, way more fun than any other activity could deliver. But looking back on it, drinking isn't actually all THAT much of a good time, and it brings a host of collateral damage to boot. I need to keep in mind that the urge to drink to have fun isn't really rational...but it sure can seem that way at the time.

ericwilson

Woofers,
I am just like you, 'rewarding' myself with alcohol after accomplishing something. I used to work (unemployed at the moment) and would always binge drink on the weekends. Once I was out of work I thought, "hey, I don't have to get up tomorrow and work so lets relax tonight". That was 3 years ago. Today is my first day at reclaiming that which I have lost. You are not alone, at least that is what I have found on this site

Woofers

Hi, EricW, looks like we have some things in common, including starting today. You mention "reclaiming that which I have lost." I feel that way too. Way back in the old days, which actually wasn't too many years ago, I didn't need alcohol to take an afternoon or evening off as a reward--I had interesting hobbies and friends to do things with. I would like to reclaim that old way of doing things.

sugarbear1

Yoga.

Yoga is now being used to help people with PTSD, specifically war veterans.....

I use an online game, but that can be addicting. So is ice cream.

Something physical may help, like Yoga, or weight training or walking, sober bowling or other activity.....

You can stay stopped!!!

Wishing you a fabulous life without drinking!!

Woofers

Thanks, Sugarbear. Actually, Mother Nature has provided a good amount of snow, and I am about to go outside and take care of that. I like doing physical work, sweating, having time to think...and I've got a lot to think about tonight. Thank you for your encouragement.

sugarbear1

Be careful with the snow and the thinking.....

Remember to think positively!

Woofers

Well, the snow is taken care of, a good hour of hard work. I actually like shoveling snow, it's good exercise, I get to be outside in the fresh air, and I accomplish something productive, all while listening to my much-abused but still functioning (kind of like me) iPod.

But now the work is done, it's early evening, and I'm inside and in the mood to kick back. This is the moment when I reach for that first brewski to "reward" myself.

Not tonight, so far at least

Boleo

I never realized that the main reason that I drank was because I was uncomfortable in my own skin "stark-raving-sober". I not only had to find a new way to relax, I had to find a new way to find POMJSOP (Peace Of Mind, Joy & Sense Of Purpose). Something only drinking could do for me.

At first I thought a certain number of calendar days not-drinking would do the job. However, even at 5 months dry, I felt like I still needed a drink to feel "normal". It was not until I learned how to lead a principle driven life that POMJSOP returned without a substance. Today I use spiritual principles to attract spiritual prosperity into my life.

llastchance8

Woofer, You are going in the perfect direction. In fact, if you try to recall, some times you would have really felt high with very drinks during a celebration or during some occasion.. So if you separate the alcohol and the occasion, the real fun came more from the occasion and not alcohol.. This is obvious truth but Alcohol is so cunning that , it tricks our mind to believe that it is me ( Alcohol ) which is giving you all the fun. It takes time to get the associations right because our brain chemistry has been fed with garbage.. We are with you all the time.. Feel free to share anything .

Woofers

Hi, All,

Hey, I accomplished one small goal: last night, no alcohol! And with regard to finding a new way to relax, last night the wife and I watched a couple episodes of Game of Thrones, Season 2, blu-ray that looks as sharp as the swords. Made popcorn, we got all cozy on the couch and the dogs found room on there too, and I drank ROOT beer. And you know what, it was actually really fun. Fun in part because my wife is a serious Game of Thrones fan and has been looking forward to getting the season 2 boxed set--she helps me keep all the characters and geography straight, and her enthusiasm is energizing.

One concern turned out to be no big deal, at least last night. Game of Thrones involves a lot people drinking a fair amount of wine in a number of scenes. I was pleasantly surprised at myself that those scenes did NOT trigger any thoughts in me about, "Wow, look at that wine...I sure could go for some of that myself...maybe just one or two wouldn't hurt, after all we're having fun and I deserve to relax."

The evening was fun, and thinking back on it now it brings a little smile. Thanks all for your support.

markinsf

Congratulations on last night. And don't play down the small goals. They can be as importan sometimes as the big ones.

I've found a renewed interest in my hobbies that languished during the drinking is helping me a lot. Things especially that I would do in the evenings to relax me but had to quit due to the drinking. I love woodworking but was always smart enough not to use power tools while drinking. But I'm getting back to that. Also started reading again and have put away a couple of books now. Other hobbies are coming back too such as photography - things that just weren't much fun when drinking.

It's all about filling time up so you-re not sitting around thinking a beer would be a good thing. I hear you about clearing snow out and wanting a drink afterwords. It's one of those triggers for me as well. Instead I'm finding other things to do instead.

Best of luck on your new journey.

Spirit08

what you describe is the phenomonom of craving and the obsession of the mind. A complete psychic change is what is needed.

bumble

"Play the tape to the end."


That's the advice I was given - go ahead and picture the "having fun" BUT make sure you ALSO picture the inevitable "collateral damage." See if drinking still seems like "fun."

And...remember the times you had fun WITHOUT drinking, you know, like that time you and your wife watched Game of Thrones...

gravity

I agree with getting into old hobbies or trying something new. I do all kinds of things that give me an instant, natural "high" like mountain biking, strength training, skating/sliding with the kids or just going out of my way for someone else. I'm taking a friends son to his first ever NHL game next week (his favourite team, the Bruins)...something I NEVER would have done in my drinking days. Now THAT will be awesome.

Taking5

This. Little victories are a very important part in this process. Even if you relapse (most of us have) don't lose your focus on the process.

finaltime

I constantly reward myself with alcohol and its old, really old. If I do good at work, if I had a great week, if somebody compliments me, I think I can drink. I am so tired of it, but don't know how to stop it, or if I am ready to stop it. I enjoy drinking, but do I? I hate the hangovers, the money spent, the fake bullcrap conversation, I hate it all, but everyone I know does that. Everyone I am around at work goes and gets drinks after work, nobody does anything different. ugh.

Fallow

I always rewarded myself for accomplishments too. It is hard to drop that mindset. Now I feel I should not reward myself for doing what I am already supposed to be doing!

Sure I will get a nice cup of tea, a good meal, or buy a CD Ive wanted. But its not a reward. Just taking care of myself.

After the abuse I put on myself and others over the years, Im lucky just to be alive another day.