Joe Nerv

...and why I thank god I'm niether.

I was a useless being when I drank. And I couldn't stop drinking for even 1 day.

I recently wrote something here about a long time friend of mine who always quit drinking for lent. My inability to do so, regardless of how hard I tried, cut through any denial I might have had like a razor. His ability to do so, convinced him he had no problem. 28 years after I put down the bottle, we're still friends, and recently started working a night job together. I get to hear all about his life.

It's lent again, and he's telling people he gave up beer. But only on the weekdays. Still drinks beer on the weekends. And he replaced his beer with wine during the week. When I laughed out loud at that, he was compelled to tell me that research has proven that a glass of wine at night has many benefits. And they recommend that for your average 100 lb woman. Since he's a big guy, having 2 or 3 glasses a night gives the same benefit. He says he has only 2 or 3, which I know means at least 3.

Anyhow, why am I writing this? 2 reasons. First, because I really am grateful that I never had to question whether or not I had a problem, but I think more importantly - tonight I'm working with him again. We have a couple of hours downtime, and I really don't want to start getting into any drinking discussions with him. I could write an incredibly interesting book on how denial works within this guy... and it's tough for me not to open my mouth about things that aren't really my business when we start talking. He has denounced many things in his life, because he believes they cause destruction. Gave up playing an instrument he was truly gifted at, because it lends itself to rock and roll and that whole lifestyle which he's deemed to be evil. Even into his adult life, if he goes to a concert, a club, or gets involved in any way with R&R he winds up in trouble. Passiing out somewhere, getting into fights, throwing up in cabs, doing things he wouldn't ordinarily do... and it has nothing to do with alcohol, of course. Has to do with R&R. He's not interested in doing anything at all, unless it involves drinking, and bla, bla, bla...

I want to be supportive, and not lecture or put this dude down. In spite of his problem he's been a good friend. Ahh.... hoping my venting here will help me keep my mouth shut when I'm talking with him tonight. Maybe I shold have put this post in friends an family... whatever. Just wanted to share, or vent, or whatever.

Kimmers

Just tell him that his drinking discussions are bothering you and you prefer not to talk about alcohol as it bothers you....You DO value your sobriety.Period nuff said, right?

Fandy

If he is truly your friend, don't judge him...just be there to answer his questions down the road.
You're a good person to lead by example.

0percentABV

I don't think Joe is worried about falling off the wagon, I think he's more worried about being "that sober guy." I know I dont want to be that guy. When I was drinking I had respect for people that got sober but I was no fan if someone wanted to point out my foibles. As open minded as I like to think I am when my wife would even float the idea of my overdrinking my defenses were better than the 1970's Vikings. Dude will have his excuses. The best you can do is just nod your head and be you clean and sober self. And hey, sometimes having a drunk next you is a reminder of what could happen if you drop your guard. I know my coworker is hung over all the time. I bounce in here and he drags himself in here. I don't think he feels very good, but I do!

Joe Nerv

Yes. This is the deal.

I know this guy well, for a long time. He was there when I got sober. Even did a very short stint in AA once. He's an intelligent, headstrong person, and hes done a thorough job of convincing himself that everything in the world other than alcohol is his problem. Alcohol is then of course necessary to deal with it all. It's tough listening to someone's problems and being supportive when its a situation like this, but it is what it is. I can keep my mouth shut, or tell him to quit the BS. Trying to find the means to do the former.

FBL

I'm sure you already know this, but he'll never quit drinking until he's ready to. In the meantime, just casually mention that if he does decide to quit, you'll be there for him.

Grymt

I took a risk and told a good friend that all his reasons for drinking are bs and that the only real reason is that he can't not drink.
I never told him he was bs, which he isn't, far from it. A good guy, very kind and creative. I think being friends, good friends, made it just part of the conversation we were having at the time.
I'd never do it if there were others there.

Boleo

That might be a good idea. Remember, we are as powerless over other peoples alcohol problem as well as our own.