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I was a dry drunk for 3 years in AA. You can be in AA and be a dry drunk.

A dry drunk is anyone whose life, while not drinking is based in fear, resentment, shame and/or anger.

babycat

I have no problem with a person referring to themselves as a dry drunk. But I definitely take offense to using it on others. Who are you to say that? Like others pointed out, maybe that person really is just a miserable ass and that is just how they are and no program is going to fix that.

Weasel1966

Maybe it's me... In rehab, any AA meeting I attended, my alcoholic friends.... I never found the need to sum their addictions up in any way.

If they were there they were there for themselves. Same as I was there for myself.

Also I learned something... Never really knowing what a dry drunk was until now.... It can really p!ss people off.

bigsombrero

I agree with Mr. Robot to the extent that a "dry drunk" is a term I can use to describe MYSELF when I am acting in ways that mirror my past drunken behavior. Only I know when I'm being a "dry drunk" and it's pretty much a personal thing. I'd never call anyone else that.

Joe Nerv

I think this hits the nail on the head.

I don't use the word dry drunk, but thinking about it I don't find it derogatory, and feel it actually has some positive power to it. I know there are miserable angry people who never drank and or/don't have an alcohol problem, and being alcoholic isn't a prerequisite... but so what. The term dry drunk is just an adjective for a discontent, with some specifics behind it. If seomeone is getting labeled as a dry drunk, it might lend a little insight and possibly even give them some hope. There are plenty of tools available to address a "dry drunk."

I'm a firm believe that any alcoholic who puts down a drink will be unhappy, unless they make changes in their thinking and life. I believe there are non alcoholics who drink a lot, quit, and their lives get better - but anyone who drank like me, needs to change if they want to remain sober and lead a happy productive life. I believe that alcoholism has a lot more to do with the person, than with the liquid. And I'm aware that people will disagree, and that there are exceptions to every rule except the rule that that there are exceptions to every rule.... but yeah! Back to what Grymt said.

awuh1

Note Joes comment "anyone who drank like me, needs to change if they want to remain sober and lead a happy productive life. I believe that alcoholism has a lot more to do with the person, than with the liquid".

I think this gets at the heart of so many conflicts here at SR. There seems to be two somewhat different groups of drinkers that often talk past each other.

The first group is what might be called drinkers who’s primarily problem is their alcohol consumption. They had problems as a result of their drinking. Drinking caused the problems (DUIs depression etc.). They found a way to quit drinking without changing alot of other things in their lives, and their lives got allot better. They could stay stopped and remain (for the most part) happily abstinent. You often hear comments from these folks like "the only essential thing necessary to quit drinking is to stop ingesting alcohol". Their focus in sobriety is to keep from drinking, because that, after all, was the core of the problem.

The second group is what I would call drinkers whose primary problem(s) was/were not alcohol. You often hear comments from them like "alcohol was not the problem it was the solution". The comment by Joe above is another good example. "These folks needed to both stop drinking and to change allot of other things (and somewhat different things, depending on the nature of the problems).

There is of course a vast middle ground between the two groups. Often I see people who are in the first group claiming that the second group are doing things that are not necessary, or even totally irrelevant for recovery. The second group often states that much more is needed (to bring about the needed change) than those in the first group claim.

Both claims are correct and both are wrong if stated in terms meant to apply to everyone.

IMO The term "dry drunk" nearly always applies to folks in the second group who have not done enough to address the fundamental problem(s) involved in their past drinking. The term can be either helpful or harmful depending on the context and the intentions of the person using it. Though rare, I feel it does have its place between two people in that second group.

Joe Nerv

I agree with awuh1, and think it was very well stated.

soberlicious

Removing alcohol does clear some things up immediately. It's tough to get a DUI without drinking or drugging.

thenewguy

Well, if there was anyone who was a dry drunk, that would be me.

Sober, to be sure, but anxious, depressed, completely alone and without support in this world, and unwilling/unmotivated to do much of anything.

For now, and forever more...

Gottalife

Very well stated Awuh1. I find myself agreeing with both sides of the discussion. I accpet that the term can be used by an individual to describe their attitude at a given time, and perhaps it has some currency between a sponsor and pigeon. In that sense it is not derogatory at all.

But many terms are used in ways not consistent with their original meaning or purpose. My experience with the term is the observation that it is most commonly used as a put down either directly or through gossip. I guess that says more about the person using the term than the subject. That's my experience in my country, it may be entirely different somewhere else.

I personally don't use the term, have never been called a dry drunk, and would never call anyone else a dry drunk. My sponsor never found the need to use that term either, intead he offered understanding and tolerance, and a great deal of selflessness and patience as he worked with me and helped me onto the spiritual path.

Dee74

It's one of those terms I never use and I think is best to avoid - it has so many different meanings you'd want to be really sure that everyone shares your meaning.

What I want to know is, if I'm one of these second group of alcoholics (and I am)

.... and I was discontented and misanthropic before I even took my first drink....
and alcohol is not my problem but my solution....

why refer to me as a 'dry drunk'?

D

RobbyRobot

For me, any reference of being a dry drunk onto anyone else is always inappropriate, and misses the point. To speak of myself, a dry drunk experience has nothing to do with wanting alcohol the substance itself. Its much more indicative of the health of my quality of life standards then anything else.

There are of course many opinions on what is or is not a dry drunk, mine no less or more then any one else.

Still though, I have had times of dry drunkenness brought about by both and either good fortunate and bad fortunes of experiences while being sober. My being dry drunk brought me to my knees even though I didn't crave, obsessed, or drink alcohol. Experiences such as these are difficult to forget, lol.

I was brought to my knees by the weight of my burden of suffering for no good reason or cause other then I was/am an alcoholic as defined by AA alcoholism illness. For me, that illness is not cured, and although it is arrested, for me, there is still times of perfect storm experiences which metaphorically defeat me completely within, and I find myself otherwise lost without my knowledge of what a dry drunk experience is to me.

That probably didn't explain much, lol. It makes sense to me...

Jojo69

I thought (I could well be wrong) a dry drunk was someone who gave up drink but still wished to drink. It's the difference between abstinence and sobriety.

With abstinence one is refraining from drinking, but drink is still very much on the mind and one desires a drink. It is a position where a person still craves a drink despite even not having one for possibly a long time.

Sobriety however is a life where the desire to drink is no longer there and a person doesn't crave or mourn his missing old 'friend'.

Personally I don't think it has to do strictly with time as you could have someone in a far better place after just a few months without a drink (and sober) than someone who'd been dry for years, but still misses a drink (hasn't moved on, still in abstinence).

awuh1

Dee, I would use it only in the context of a trusting and warm relationship, with a person who began to be hurtful toward themselves and/or others. This would not be the first thing I would say in order to get my point across, (that they were harming someone) but this might be a term I would eventually use to get their attention if no more subtle (and gentile) means proved effective.

Dee74

It really does strike me as odd but I'll admit I wrote that with a merry twinkle in my eye...

I have no problem with whatever you, or anyone, wants to refer to themselves as, Rob lol

Thanks for your post too awuh - I can see where it might have application in an AA sponsor sponsee setting.

Didn't do much for me tho being referred to that way as a young newbie here

D

Jojo69

That's the thing though isn't it, there's quite a few terms from AA that some folk (not all) find unhelpful.

I have a very limited knowledge of AA up to now. Going on my limited knowledge thus far from what I've read, there are some terms that seem to cover all bases and can never be proven incorrect. They are designed to always prove the individual it's being thrown at as incorrect no matter what they do.

suealp914

This was a really helpful discussion for me. I'm 17 days sober and i've heard the term tossed around my AA group. It horrifies me every time I hear it because it sounds so insulting when someone refers to themselves that way. I find it discouraging.

Beginning this process. Eek.

ChildinDarkness

A dry drunk is someone who is dealing with untreated alcoholism.

We can stop drinking. Then we have the ism.

This is the part we all have that wants to continually take us back to a drink using any situation.

The dry drunk is someone who has white knuckled it and stopped drinking without understanding the reason they are drinking in the first place.

So if someone is a dry drunk, it basically means they have not done the steps.

Doing the steps, treats the ism. It usually happens at steps 4 & 5.

A friend of mine who was sober for 9 years was completely bonkers he was running about doing all sorts of things - It was his realization that brought him to the steps and he has been peaceful, joyous and free another 9 years since doing the steps with no mental chatter trying to play with him because he realizes this ism.

That is just my point of view.

RobbyRobot

I certainly agree the term is more often then not used against others, unfortunately. I also know of no requirement to understand or otherwise use the term as a prerequisite to ensure a happy and successful sobriety. The term can safely be ignored by many others. Just not by me, and apparently a few others, lol.

Jojo69

It does seem a little unfair.

It's like, so I give up drinking and I still get called a drunk?

Such labels help some folk, while hinder others.