NorweiganWood

I recently relapsed a few days ago after being newly sober for about a year. My whole family knows and is treating me so badly because of it. Even though I awknowledge that I'm wrong, and apologize they seem to constantly blow up at me and call me selfish, say I can't be trusted, etc. My family also recently found out that I have been taking antidepressants and they took them away from me and assume that I acquired them illegally...

It's very frustrating because my anxiety and depression is essentially the root cause and trigger for my alcoholism. So, by not understanding that, they fail to understand my issues. I don't know what to do, every conversation ends up with them yelling at me, doubting me, calling me names, and acting like they are all holier than thou.

It's almost like all the progress I've made in a year, like finally having a 4.0gpa, being competitive for law school, being in the honors college, and getting various academic awards now means nothing. I've completely changed my life and a relapse makes me a failure and a scum of a person to everyone else. How can I handle this?

fini

don't know how you'll handle it, NorwegianWood, but to me, this is nothing to do with moralistic judgements like selfish, bad, useless. blahblahblah.
you can't be trusted? well...not really, not right now. not with staying sober. how could you?
that's great about your academic successes, but it doesn't make sense to use that as any kind of "counterargument" against a relapse.
your biggest problem may seem like it's your family's judgment, but your real problem is the relapse.
how will you handle THAT?

any idea/plans/actions other than posting here?

Dee74

I'm not sure how old you are but I don't believe anyone has the right to deprive you of prescribed medication.


I'm not sure I'd call relapse selfish exactly - it's nothing really but impulse, but I do believe we need to take responsibility for our actions, drunk or sober, and how they have affected others.

We all have to take our lumps NW - I did a lot of damage as a drinker and it was many months before those wounds were healed.

Sometimes people were unfair sure - but I knew even then thats there's no way to make someone feel the way I want them to.

If things are too bad you can always make a choice to remove yourself from the situation.

I'm not sure if you live with your family or not, but it sounds like it - if your living situation is intolerable, is there any chance of you moving out?

D

NorweiganWood

I went to my first AA meeting today, I plan to actually get involved in AA, when I first got sober a year ago I finished rehab and had no after care plan whatsoever, so I guess a relapse was inevitable. But AA is my only realistic plan since now my family is watching me like a hawk I can't see a therapist, they are really against that... all I can do is go to meetings inbetween classes...

NorweiganWood

Thanks for the reply... I can't move out, I'd have nowhere to go. Since I left rehab I made a conscious choice to stop talking to all my old friends so I basically need a coping strategy to deal with the anger my family has towards me. I just wish they could somehow understand my issues instead of constantly accusing me of lying and delegitimizing them. I mean what 16 year old girl just starts drinking like a fish out of nowhere... my alcoholism didn't just start there were so many underlying reasons that no one wants to acknowledge.

fini

NW,
relapse is not inevitable.
and for sure getting involved and active in recovery is a great tool and increases your chances.
great to hear you'll be doing that.
would you be able to access some mental health care person on campus without being hawk-eyedly watched so that you can get help with the depression meds situation?

NorweiganWood

Fini,

After I get paid in the next week, I'm going to get another prescription and start seeing an on campus therapist again... It's just really hard with a family who doesn't understand alcoholism or depression.

ReadyAndAble

I think that's a tough question for others to answer, NW.

But yeah, I would say my own drinking was selfish. Let's face it, I put my own wants and needs above the wants and needs of those I loved. Sure I had issues... but lots of people have issues, and don't make the same kinds of choices I made (over and over and over again). It's hard to see how that wouldn't leave people angry and hurt, especially if they've never struggled with addiction themselves.

But I bet you understand, don't you? I imagine you're probably inclined to cut me some slack, and not judge me too harshly. Because you've been there, and you know what it's like feeling the gravitational pull of addiction.

So here's what I'd suggest, NW: Cut yourself the same slack you'd show a fellow SR member. You're human. And you're trying to be a better one. Good for you.

As for your folks, well... it's harder for them to understand because they're on the outside looking in. Deep down they're probably scared. They've probably been scared for a long time. They don't just see the relapse—they see all the pain that came before it, and they worry about all the pain that might still be ahead. That's human, too.

It may take them some time to stop worrying about you. You can't control that. Your job is simply to focus on your recovery. But by doing that, you will ultimately solve all the other problems. You'll not only regain their trust, but I bet an even greater level of respect.

Meantime, I'm pretty sure working your way toward law school will not prove to be a waste of time. Big picture: You're definitely moving in the right direction.

TheEnd

Why is your family so against therapy and medication? Why do they have so much control over you? You sound like you're just getting into AA to get your parents off your back and from my own experience, this will not work out in the long run. Sure it looks good on the outside, but unless you are truly going for yourself, you won't be accomplishing your goal in the program.

Music

It's amazing to me how we drunks tend to turn things around so as to make others responsible for our bad choices. It takes one drunk to understand another drunk, and that's why AA works. Your family doesn't have to understand. Your family is incapable of understanding your alcoholism. Did you ever consider that maybe the alcohol is causing the anxiety and depression instead of the way you stated above? All the awards you say you've received WON'T mean anything if you continue to drink. Why should your family believe anything you say when you've been the cause of them not being able to trust you. Not drinking for a year is commendable, and yet, here you are. You'd better serve yourself by taking responsibility for your actions, do what you have to do to get sober and stay sober, and with time and change in your behavior your family will come around. I've asked two of my kids to leave home because of their choices and resultant actions. You're lucky your family is sicker than you are and still tolerates your stuff.

Grymt

Oh yes some harsh truths there.

Realise that people here genuinely care about you and your sobriety. A lot of us have been there and spent a lifetime making the wrong decisions. In my understanding it is about attitude.

"It's almost like all the progress I've made in a year, like finally having a 4.0gpa, being competitive for law school, being in the honors college, and getting various academic awards now means nothing. I've completely changed my life and a relapse makes me a failure and a scum of a person to everyone else. How can I handle this?"

Think about how you really measure yourself. Sounds to me that you are going through a growing stage, kind of finding yourself.
I reckon : Just keep posting.

fini

It's just really hard with a family who doesn't understand alcoholism or depression.
yes; yes it is.
and looks like you're stuck with that for the time being: a non-understanding family.

so....then it might be useful to you to not put energy into expecting support from them and not put energy into arguing with them or trying to prove or...as someone said in a post above: put the focus on helping yourself and on what you can do, on what you do have control over.
good to hear you have plans in place for the meetings, a therapist for the depression and enough money for the medication if it's necessary.
and there are always people here, 24/7, so keep posting.

pluginjug

I relapsed after 3 years of sobriety. Family and friends knew I was sober so my relapse, which I wasn't discreet about, didn't sit well with them.

I don't know if relapse is selfish. If you're an addict/alcoholic, drinking/using is something you want to do.

When I relapsed, I continued drinking for 2 years, but I ultimately did sober up and have been sober nearly 10 years. You've apologized. That's all you can do. Your apology will have more teeth if you get sober again and stay sober.

Perhaps regarding your depression you would benefit seeing a doctor.