deeker

Yah know, I have been thinking a lot lately. Realizing how very happy I have been since getting sober. No stress, no anger, life is great!

But you know what? I realized the reason I have been so happy and just coasting through recovery is because I haven't been taking any risks.


I haven't put myself out there in the working world since getting clean. I am blessed that I am able to stay with family while I built a foundation in AA and it was all good.

However I have been just living in this protective coccoon of going to meetings, church and living in cyber world(here).

I have read tons of NA literature, AA literature, The Bible and I have all this information in my head and I can share with a newcomer what I learned from the books and what has worked for the 1st 100 people in AA, but because I have been living in this coccoon, I haven't been taking risks to apply what I have learned to my own life.

I share my hope mostly, as I have been at the very bottom.

However I have been applying the principles to a life that has no stress, has no responsibility, has no worries, no cares.

I have been playing it safe. Due to fear.

I thought I had all this faith In God but when it comes to taking risks I am actually afraid.

Afraid to go out into the real world and work again, to be faced with life.

Afraid to be exposed to alcohol and drugs, especially drugs in the work place.

Afraid to be exposed to drama, and confrontations. And here I thought I was working the program in my life. What life?

So Yesterday I got out and volunteered for service at my church(still playing it safe) .

But today I walked thru my fear and went and applied for a job. I got it on the spot. I start in about 12 hours from now. I have a little fear but now it is time to apply what I have learned in working the steps.

Step one -I am powerless over just about everything, so if it works out great if not that's ok too.

Step 3- I can turn that fear over to my higher Power and just do what I need to do. Show up for life , do the next right thing and trust the outcome to him.


Am I still scared? A wee bit but I am gonna walk thru that fear with my higher power. It's time to see what he else he has in store for me.

This disease or the devil if you will tells me I am no good and I am not qualified and I am gonna fail, but it is a lie.

I have the ability to learn something new and I can. What ever happens tomorrow I am gonna be ok. God is gonna work it out.

If it doesn't work out I have to look for the lesson, maybe it will be a blessing, maybe it doesn't work out because God has something else in store for me. Something better.


I have a lot of tools to deal with life today, it's time I start getting out there and using them. Kinda excited! Say a prayer for me.

deeker

Sorry I got buried way to quick, I am bumping myself. This is crazy. You post a thread and you are at the bottom in less that 5 min. Busy forum. I need feedback. Anyone else have fear?

Dee74

I think everyone has to deal with fear.

Some fear can be actually be useful - I don't walk around here at night because that would be foolish.

Other fear is not so good.

One of the joys of my recovery has been finally being a fully functioning adult - sometimes it's not fun, but it's rewarding, and there's opportunities for growth for all of us, regardless of how you got sober or what you believe

Congratulations on your new job

D

trailrunrbyday

Congratulations on your new job Deeker! Your attitude is great and I look forward to hearing more about your new venture! I have not got anything to offer - I'm still very very new and in the honeymoon phase of not drinking. I'm sure my challenges will be many and I am very fearful of how I will navigate those challenges. I am afraid I will forget how close I have come to losing it all.

Keep posting so we know how it goes!!!!

tomsteve

good on ya deeker!!
wouldnt it be great if sobriety didnt involve fear! unfortunately, thats not the case,eh? what i do is aks God for courage! courage doesnt mean the absense of fear, it means i will do the right thing in spite of fear.
there were many,many, great people in the bible who experienced fear, moses and job being 2 of them. look what god did for them!
Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

ya surely got some prayers out for ya from this side of the monitor!

tomsteve

heres a kicker:
whenever i have fear over decisions/actions, i get that courage and do what i gotta do. give it a few days and when i look back on it, i can say,"hmmm, i dont know why i feared that!"

paul99

We don't go to AA to hide in AA, it has been said. Can be said about many other things. I took refuge in meetings all day, afraid to get out there, to try things...felt it was too risky. But I had to eventually get out there, getting a job, finding a place to stay, repairing my relationships, helping others, etc. All things that I found frightening at first, but like tomsteve said, I would wonder later why was I so afraid of them? Taking baby steps out there brought me more and more courage. And even if I did stumble, I still went at it. Some things were harder than others, but with change comes renewed strength and resolve. Love and tolerance gets challenged, but overcomes. Compassion grows. These are the rewards of risk and chance. We grow.

Good luck with your new gig

Weasel1966

Deeker.... I enjoy your threads. They are honest and heartfelt. Thanks.

It's perfectly fine to hide a little. Get strength. Take all the time you need because going back is not an option so when you do start to reach out you have the mindset you need.

I wish I had the opportunity to cool off for a while. So savor it.

My best wishes for you!

Ken

hypochondriac

Have you ever read Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers? I thought it'd be a bit naff but it's actually a really good helpful book, I highly recommend it.

The only thing I think though that is it is okay to lie low for a bit once we stop drinking. It can take a lot out of us and it's okay to take it easy for a while and not take too many big risks. Just getting used to being sober is enough early on x

Fernaceman

Great post, deeker. I can relate a lot to what you said. I think it's natural to people doing something new (sobriety) to get comfortable with where they are at. Not to say you are getting complacent, but that's eventually where it always leads for me. Glad you are realizing it before you get in your own way. And congrats on the new job!

pluginjug

All in good time. That's fantastic you're sober. You'll get social when it happens. Do what works and avoid putting pressure on yourself. Getting sober is a life-changing event that can be traumatic (was for me).

Besides, I'm an introvert and long ago decided not to place social expectations on myself. I'm cool being an introvert and not being as social as other people. That said, I do socialize, but I don't put pressure on myself to do so.

deeker

You have a ton to offer, as a new person you keep it green and remind me that it probably isn't any better out there. And that helps me like you wouldn't believe. So Thanks!

Db1105

If I want to learn how to play the piano, then I have to practice playing the piano. When I wanted to live out in the world without fear, I had to go out into the world and deal with my fears.

trachemys

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain

from "Dune"

julez

Prayers and positive thoughts coming your way deeker

bemyself

Hi there, Deeker.

Jeez, your first post describes the nature of my current life (except that I don't live with anyone else).

I'm a bit more like a couple of other posters - including pluginjug - whose experience is that, for relatively early recovery at least, it's OK for us to lead a simple, even quiet life.

that said, I reckon you're awesome for going for a job - and 'getting it on the spot'....wow!!! Like you said yourself, just take it slowly, see how you go with it, how each day feels.....

that part of your story reminds me of a lady in my women's AA group: she has different circumstances (I think) than you, i.e. a hubby and some kids, and round about 3? 5? years of recovery. Mid-last year she really wanted to go back to working; found and took a job, which I gather she was suited to and found reasonably enjoyable. Yet, still, she took the decision to resign after only about 2-3 months, as she found she'd overestimated the stress on her of her family responsibilities, working her recovery programme as well as the job. She shared with us the lead up to that decision, and then the relief she felt - and self-knowledge she'd gained - after it.

I say this, not AT ALL to discourage you!!!! I guess all I'm suggesting is: go easy on yourself, listen to your heart, mind and body, and know that facing your fears is fantastic - AND so is self-caring.

Hope this makes sense,
blessings to ya,
Vic