Nonsensical

Four weeks sober and I am feeling reasonably good. I have the drinking beast caged, for the most part, although I became highly agitated this past weekend (over some mostly unrelated stuff) and I think it very likely that if presented with alcohol at that moment I would have chugged it. I need to learn to deal with those moments, because they will come again - but I digress.

My wife and I talk fairly freely about my drinking issues. My daughter (19 and still living at home) and I talk some, but not as much.

My sons (25 and 20; living hours away), my brother and sister, and my parents all know I have had a drinking problem for decades. I think they all know I have been sober for 4 weeks.

Should I bring it up in conversations with them? I talk to all of them at least once a week by phone.

In my family, you don't ask prying questions - it's considered impolite. So, if they wanted to ask, they wouldn't. Or maybe they are not interested in discussing it.

I don't want to bring it up like a self-absorbed jerk, and just talk about myself if they aren't interested. But, then again, I don't want to hide from it, either. Talking about it helps me stay focused and resolved.

Anyone have any experience with this? Suggestions?

FeelingGreat

My family's a bit like yours; although we are close we don't blurt out everything and we are tactful about asking questions.
I have one sister I tell everything to. The others and my mother I only mentioned it when we saw each other in a situation that could have involved drinking.
My adult children have known from the start, although neither of them realised I had a bottle of wine a night habit. No-one except me really thought I had a problem.

freshstart57

For me, nonsensical, my mum asked 'how I was doing' for a month or two, maybe three, but she stopped after a while. The way the communication tree works is that she would take it upon herself to 'share the news'. I think that all of my close family know that I am now secure in my sobriety due to my activity level and what I do these days, and that when we speak I am not drunk anymore.

On my one year anniversary, my adult children my wife and I went to dinner at a nice restaurant to celebrate. Just before the bill was presented we spoke directly about it, and I tried to explain that celebrating this is sorta like celebrating the date the guy stopped beating his wife. I felt that I was only finally living the way I had taught them and in the way I expected of myself. I insisted on picking up the cheque.

I am sure that the members of your family are interested and involved, and committed to doing what they can to support you, but they don't know much about this. A good exercise for me is to get out of my head and into theirs, and be supportive and understanding of them. Maybe telling them about your new interests, picking up old hobbies, positive things that are changing in your life will ease their minds and keep the communication about your new sobriety open.

You are doing great, btw, and congratulations to you. Isn't this a great question to be asking? It's sooooo much better than the alternative.

mfsteve1

I never told anyone. I'm sure they figured it out.

paul99

Everyone knew about me too, for the most part. Even when I did amends, many people had suspected or thought something was off.

As for your family - it's your call. Talking about it doesn't make you a self-absorbed jerk. Continuing to drink and doing the things that come with it - lying, cheating, etc. that is being self-absorbed (at least for me it was!)

paul1664

with my family - we dont really talk about it because ive got fed up with their dont be silly its just a phase, and the no your not its just in your head convos - but this time for me the only convo ill have is with myself - just saying well done to myself everyday i dont drink (even if it has only been 2 days)

lilyrosemary

I think when someone gives me the "so how's it going" and I say "great" that about sums it up. 'Nuff said, type thing. I guess sometimes I wish someone would ask me point blank about how not drinking is going because I would live to elaborate about how awesome it is and what freedom I enjoy now, but no one does : ) I guess I just like to share the good news!

robgt350

i never really told any one in my family either. but some noticed. actually i stopped almost 13 weeks now. and for those who did now now about my habit i did not even tell that i stopped.

soberlicious

Well, Non, in my family we all blab like magpies. We love each other like crazy, but are always up in each others' business and have always had blurred boundaries. One of my sisters is more private than the rest of us. She stopped drinking, swearing, and smoking all at once and never talked too much about it to the extended family, but she and I frequently discuss our own problems with each other. My other sister is currently a drunken mess. We all speak openly about it.

So, that said, if I were you and I wanted to, I would definitely bring it up with them. They would probably be honored that you want to share parts of your journey with them.