ReadyAndAble

I don't doubt it. You're a great writer alright, but it's your persistence I most admire. That's what's going to save your life. I believe this could be it for you.

NobleCause

it took me four years and fifteen serious attempts to quit a twenty year, pack a day smoking habit. in a couple of weeks it'll be three years since my last cigarette, and i'm thankful beyond words that i didn't give up after the thirteenth or the fourteenth failed try. i keep that in mind each time i hobble back here, and i let it remind me that altho I've got some stubborn demons and a haunted past, one of these times, i'll beat those too.

instant

Hobbling is better than the alternative

wheresthefun

Why would you say this?

fini

[COLOR="Blue"]Quote:
Originally Posted by fini
your posts were the first ones i read when i came here last year,lurking, and you won't be surprised when i say that they sounded pretty much exactly like yours today.
that's true, tho i'm not sure of the importance of that other than it illustrating the fact that i've had some serious issues, with using and with quitting, for quite some time i was referring to you saying you'll do things a bit differently this time. since clearly the past way(s) didn't work out well for you.
what different things are you planning on doing?

NobleCause

i wholeheartedly agree.


because it's a resource i've squandered before.

RobbyRobot

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
-- Thomas A. Edison

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
-- Thomas A. Edison

"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something."
-- Thomas A. Edison

NobleCause

i've made some edits to the people in my life. i've got a strict daily exercise regimen. i've asked to not travel for work for the next three months, and i plan to keep sane(r) hours. i plan on eating full meals and drinking more water. i'm moving to a quieter part of town further from my local haunts, and i got rid of my tv. (it was rotting my brain.) i've undertaken the first baby steps in reconnecting with my family. (so far rebuffed, but i'm ok with it.) i've attended one honest session with a psychologist that specializes in trauma and addiction, and tho i don't plan on an immediate return (he recommended twice a week), the connection is there if i decide that i need it. i plan on doing yoga when i need balance, i plan on writing when i need clarity, and i plan trusting another human when i need support. (admittedly that last one is a tough one.) i plan on letting go of the past a bit more each day. and i plan on making all sorts of mistakes along the way, tho if all goes according to plan, drinking won't be one of them.


brilliant.



i felt amazing today. i'd forgotten how wonderful it was to be healthy and balanced and calm and kind - nothing but blue skies and pink clouds... and it was a good thing too because the universe sent some of the most unreasonable people in my world to pick fights with me. i can only say that it felt outstanding to be the rational one for a change.

instant

It's good to hear there are positives in your day, and you feel good.

fini

oh wow, loads of plans!
taking some concrete steps made a big difference for me. and planning things in more specific detail for shorter times.
and i plan trusting another human when i need support. (admittedly that last one is a tough one.)
yeah, isn't it??
sigh. tough one.
it's one of the things places like this are so great for: there are always several trustworthy ones hanging around here!

ReadyAndAble

Hope you're having a relatively nice Saturday night, NC. No drama, no trauma.

NobleCause

no drama, no trauma. what a difference a week can make.

my mood pendulum seems to have swung from exhilarated joy to sad exhaustion, but moods are fickle so i'm trying not to read too much into this bleak morass of a day. (perhaps that is just a small bit dramatic.) i haven't drank, and there's some quiet satisfaction in that, but anxiety's high and morale's low and it's difficult to discern which symptoms are from the drinking and the quitting and readjusting, and which were there before. i supose time will tell.

ReadyAndAble

Time will do better than that; it will heal and stabilize. But for now, yeah, you're in for a ride I expect. Moods are not only fickle, they're also affected by complex biological processes, and your body is going through a lot of those right now. You're changing your chemistry right along with all the rest.

It helped me to treat the emotional roller-coaster like a physical one; reminding myself I'm in no real danger, it's just a series of sensations, people do it all the time. Basically I told myself to trust in what I knew, not in what I felt.

This is the way out of the morass, I promise.

BackToSquareOne

Ohhh yea!! Ready really nailed it. My experience was that it could be compared to a pendulum swinging back and forth. All the good feelings being at the one extreme and all the not so good at the other.

The flux, ebb and flo and all of that seem to seek equilibrium over time. The pendulum still moves but nowhere to the extremes it used to. The coolest thing is to have a really bad day and just be OK with it. Kind of the whole what is, is thing.

instant

Live it like it is.

NobleCause

weird day. late this afternoon, i got a call informing me that, after many years of probation, my tour of duty was over and i had been cut loose. i was suddenly and totally a free lady. it was a call i wasn't expecting for another few months, and i wasn't prepared for the depth of the feelings it stirred or how easily those would overwhelm me. a couple of hours later, i was riding shotgun with a friend on the way to a bar across town - i'd decided we needed to celebrate. we stopped for dinner at a taco joint on the way, and as we ate, i began to have second thoughts about this plan to get wasted in the name of freedom. but i kept quiet. we got up to leave, and on the way out i nearly collided with a man walking in - a clean cut guy about my age whom i quickly realized i knew. he was once a close friend, he also happened to be the guy who bailed me out of jail years ago when i was arrested for the dui that ultimately got me sentenced to the probation term that had just expired. i hadn't seen him or spoken with him since our friendship faded away about 3 years ago. we chatted awkwardly in the doorway - he'd gotten sober and was doing great he said, and when he asked what i was up to, i began to explain my plan for the night and realized how painfully idiotic it was. suffice it to say, i never got to the bar - i got a lift home instead and curled up with some records and some tea and pondered the meaning of coincidence. 10 days sober. tired. and free.

MeSoSober

Well done you!

instant

It took me while and I was not used to it, but "not reacting" is a skill I have come to cherish.

it all works out if we let it

MemphisBlues

One thing I am slowly getting used to after two years of sobriety is that there really are no coincidences. It just takes me a day or a week or a month or a year or a decade to realize it.

awuh1

From Wikipedia “Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, yet are experienced as occurring together in a meaningful manner…. Synchronistic events reveal an underlying pattern, a conceptual framework that encompasses, but is larger than, any of the systems that display the synchronicity.”

Congrats NC