Meh123

Hi all. I'm female, 33 from the UK.

Have drunk all too regularly for over ten years now. Started first when I worked in a pub. A few beers a night but I'm very petite. Lately it's seeming to get worse. Putting away at least a bottle of wine a night. My bf keeps warning me, has given me ultimatums etc. but I can't seem to stop. He is now saying give up or he is giving me up. I wake up in the morning full of remorse and determination that tonight will be a sober one, then I get home from work and just can't resist it. Even now, as my bf is away, I'm sat here on my own trying not to open a can of lager. If I give up for a day or two, I find myself becoming agitated, Unable to sleep, lots of the symptoms I see on here. I am so worried about my health - I keep getting aches under the right side of ribs - can't be good at all.

Have enrolled with a counsellor for cognitive therapy. Supposed to be keeping a diary for it but can't bring myself to see the shameful way I have dealt with things this week.

Feeling sadder by the day and this week I've been off work (I work I'm a school and its been holidays) which just gives me too much time to think about things.

I do want to give up but it's just so hard :-(

deeker

Hi Meh! Have you thought about AA meetings? Here is a link to an AA Big Book. You will find out more about this illness of alcoholism.Big Book Online Fourth Edition

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


You will find great hope at a meeting. I promise.

Meh123

My housemate does AA and I just don't think it is for me. I'm really not sure about the religious aspects of it I have seen in his book, the making notes about people who have annoyed me etc etc. maybe I'm reading it wrong.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm not going to tell you that you have to join AA to get sober. But as you've stated in your initial post, it's hard.

Support helps. I think cognitive therapy will help. But it will require you do do a lot of this "recovery" stuff on your own. Not everyone cuts it alone. It doesn't have to be AA.

I'm just suggesting, keep an open mind. Don't dismiss what could help.

paul99

Welcome meh123 - I am AA, but like mentioned, it doesn't have to be that way or no way. There are other methods that people use. But the key to any of these methods is that they are practiced and/or used. CBT can only do so much. The siren call of alcohol is often too strong for many of us to deal with alone. You're right - it's hard, and that's why we have programs of recovery and support. Glad you're here!

bigsombrero

Lots of stuff besides AA that doesn't have the heavy "recruitment" aspect to it also is available. The Secular Connections thread will show you some examples, pretty informative.

As for your situation, I was once a bartender myself so I know what it's like to have beer/wine/liquor entwined in your life and then it gets stuck there. Thank you for sharing and good luck.

Nonsensical

Welcome Meh123. I find it relatively easy not to drink. It requires no action at all. I just stay in my chair. Getting a drink requires actual effort on my part. Not getting one - easy peezy!

On the other hand, dealing with that nagging, whining, begging, bullying, rationalizing, negotiating voice in my head that continuously tells me to go get a drink is another story entirely! Dealing with that SOB is really difficult at times, and for me, that has been the real challenge. I am learning how to do it from reading around these forums. There are many different ways to deal with that impulsive voice in your head. You'll find one that will work for you.

Best of luck!

paul99

The Army and the Navy recruit. AA doesn't.

Dee74

Hi Meh

to simplify matters I merged your two threads into one

It is hard to give up - but it's hard to keep drinking too... and that hardness increases exponentially...I think you may already be experiencing that?

I'm not sure what you've tried so far to stay sober but it might be worth widening your net a little more and trying more approaches?

As you can already see you'll find a lot of support here anyway

Welcome!

D

OneLessLonely

Welcome to SR. I too used to start the day vehement about not drinking then talking myself into it by the end of the day. I joined here. I read for hours. I took everyone's advice. What finally broke the cycle for was a combination of making completely different plans than normal, playing the tape through, staying close to here, and wanting and researching an overall more whole and healthy life. Those agitated feelings go away eventually. But we're so used to killing negative feelings with booze, we don't realize it's actually okay to experience them. They are uncomfortable and squirmy and exhausting. But once we get through them, the fog clears and a lot more starts clicking. Of course physical withdrawal is life threatening so its never a bad idea to seek medical advice. But welcome again and good job on getting into counseling. You can beat this. There are many here who didn't think they could do it but are doing it.

bnmbh

Im struggling myself.. This disease is a monster. I hope we all find the will and strength to make it thru. I wish you the best.