bnmbh

I have been hovering on here for 3 days... Im fighting a battle i feel i just cant win.. I was going to school for my class a license and blew that off because i started drinking heavily again and couldnt show to school smelling like vodka.My ex contacted and i might have a chance to reconcile but i couldnt go over to see here cause i was drunk...I want so bad to some but cant seem to find the will power.. This is the most helpless feeling in the world. You know your ruining yourself life, everything that means something to me.. I feel like im dying a slow death.. I have high blood pressure to.. I have to find a way to beat this thing..

Dee74

You can beat this - but you have to believe that.

Your inner addict will try and trash talk you down, but you can do this - look around here for inspiration

Make contacts, reach out, read about ideas and approaches and things you can do - if you're prepared to do whatever it takes to stay in recovery, you'll do just fine bnmbh

for me it wasn't about willpower - it was about acceptance.

Once you truly accept that you're an alcoholic and that drinking can kill you, it makes picking up another drink something different entirely.

D

bnmbh

I just feel like theres no hope... I sold my truck to pay for school i have seperated from my x and moved out and im currently bouncing between my sisters garage and parents 1 bedroom apartment sleeping on air mattress..I do have some money left but if i keep drinking it away i will have no money for car.I can go back to school this coming monday but i cant go in hung over smelling of booze.. I have adhd and anxiety and convince my self i cant do it..I got close to finishing school n got scared started drinking again.. Another self sabotage..I know i need to stop but come 3 or 4 pm im buying booze to get thru the night...It seems so simple on paper make the decision and quit.I feel like i ruin everything...

Dee74

Did you make it to that AA meeting?

I remember the state I used to be in going out for more booze - practically incapable of walking sometimes, unwashed for days, dirty clothes and hair...but I still got more booze.

I think you have to work twice as hard sometimes on your recovery, y'know?


If you really didn't think there was hope, you wouldn't be here bnmbh

do yourself a favour and reach out for some help, and some hope, tonight
D

bnmbh

No i didnt make the meeting.. I was gonna but found the liquor store instead..