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New Relationship in Sobriety

Old 02-18-2013, 12:42 PM
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New Relationship in Sobriety

I just recently got into a relationship with a girl 2 months ago and I've noticed how it has made my journey much more difficult. Not because I feel like drinking but because it feels like getting in a relationship makes certain defects of character that much more visible to me. It is like they are magnified by five and it is difficult.

My first 2 years in sobriety I always had a wall up and kept my distance from people because I was afraid of rejection and getting hurt. It's easy to avoid rejection when you don't have much contact with people so that is what I did for two years.

Then I met this girl unexpectedly and tried maintaining my distance like I usually had but sooner or later the attraction was too much and I decided to face my fear and pursue it.

Now that I am in a relationship with her I feel so much more anxiety than I had in the past and I tend to convince myself that she doesnt really like me and is just being nice by staying in this relationship with me. I realize these thoughts are irrational and there is no evidence whatsoever to back them up but I continue to have those thoughts. It doesnt help that it is a long distance relationship either as it makes the thoughts that much more intense....in my experience.

I know my higher self (my higher power) put this girl in my life for a reason and I am pretty sure it is so that I can face this debilitating fear that has paralyzed for me so long.

That being said, it is so difficult sometimes and I was wondering if anyone has experienced this in a relationship and what you did.....Maybe the specifics arent the same but Im sure the thing about your character defects being more noticeable is and I just wanted to hear your experience, strength and hope.
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Old 02-18-2013, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by SullyS View Post
I know my higher self (my higher power) put this girl in my life for a reason and I am pretty sure it is so that I can face this debilitating fear that has paralyzed for me so long.
Perhaps she was put there for you to learn to let go of situations and relationships that don't serve you and your sobriety at the moment.

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Old 02-18-2013, 12:52 PM
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Originally Posted by paul99 View Post
Perhaps she was put there for you to learn to let go of situations and relationships that don't serve you and your sobriety at the moment.

Perhaps that is the case...I guess trying to figure out and understand why god put her in my life is an example of me grabbing on to situations and thinking I know why they are put in my life...
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Old 02-18-2013, 01:21 PM
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These are the things that reveal themselves...in my experience. It's sometimes in hindsight that I get and understand the purpose of what you are talking about. It's even in the negative experiences that I have learned something - in fact, that is the greatest growth I get in is situations where things don't turn out the way I expect or want them...and there is the problem...my expectations and wants, as opposed to just going with God's will and listening to that conscious contact voice we all have.

It's not my place to say whether or not this girl needs to be in your life, or should be. That's up to you. But I sometimes realize that when I get into something that disturbs me in some way, I certainly have to look at myself as to why I am being disturbed, and then determine if it adds to my life and sobriety, or if it doesn't.

I wish you the best!
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Old 02-18-2013, 07:48 PM
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I am not hearing (reading) character defects.

The only thing I am hearing is fear.

The book advises us what to do with fear.

Pen and paper...get going.

ex.

I have fear _____. Make a list.

Please God remove my fears. I pray for knowledge of your will for us and the power to carry that out. Love, ___.
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