freshstart57

Ey yi yi. Quit this crap right now, lose the booze already. You needed to be medicated last time for heaven's sake.

It's not you that thinks it can drink again, it's your addiction. You know that this question has been asked and answered. Don't you think you could have moderated last time? Your addiction is nothing but stronger now, and it is playing you for a chump.

Drinking now, or ever, will not go well for you. I would much rather you post again telling us how you have quit, and remained quit, and will never go back, rather than a poorly reworded replay of this thread.

You titled this thread, 'When to be concerned during withdrawal?'. I should think that starting up and out again on the booze would be the sign.

Notsosober

I appreciate the support that this forum offers. It's been a lifesaver (literally) for many people. However, (please don't take this negatively) I just don't understand that attitude of some people on here. Not everyone that does something wrong is destined to do it again. For instance, not every fat person that looses weight is destined to become fat again. If we learn from our mistakes and have the will to make better decisions we can overcome a former addiction. The path to full blown addiction is complicated but for me it was simple mental weakness and a ton of immaturity. Where I stand now I am able to avoid getting back in to the same situation I was in before..and like I said this thread is part of my road map.

digdug

People are just speaking from experience. If we could all just drink in moderation, we would. But I know I can't just do moderation.

The nature of alcoholism is that it's chronic and progressive. Sure, I bet I could go a few months with just having a few on the weekends. But soon it would turn to a few drinks every couple of days, a few every other day, a few every day after work just to relax, and so on until I'm right back where I started.

Now I'm not saying someone who has alcoholic tendencies like you suggested for yourself (withdrawal symptoms, self-medication, binging, a pint every day, etc.) can go back to just moderation. Anything is possible. But the vast majority of alcoholics cannot do that. Many have tried and every single person I know who has, has failed.

Good luck to you. If you find yourself spiraling out of control, places like this board and the rooms will always welcome you back and support you.

Dee74

I often read threads here with two responses in my head - there's sober me, who looks at what drinking bought me.

Sober me wonders why anyone would ever risk getting into the situation you were in again - and we do risk that, because no matter how good our intent, when we get drunk we make bad crazy decisions.

But I remember the old me too - the me who swore it would be different this time, it was only a phase, I know what I need to do now...so I get it.

But notso - old me always found himself back at square one - two decades of teeth grinding effort and tying myself in knots in my attempts at moderation.

No success.

The disastrous parameters of my relationship were set out even before I'd take that first drink. Alcohol owned me.

I don't expect to change your mind, but other people will read this thread too.

You're gonna do what you want - but I wouldn't be doing you or anyone else any favours if I didn't share my experience notso.

D

Notsosober

Well, you guys called it.. My first major attempt at moderation has failed. Took a few months but I have fallen back in to the world of alcoholism. Time to end the self delusion and quit this childish behavior before I end up in a hole in the ground. Moderation is not my intent..*gulp*...zero tolerance is my new mantra. It's a shame it's came to this point, but it is what it is. Got day one and two under my belt and I'm about to finish day three of hopefully thousands.

EndGameNYC

Efforts at moderation are often the last gasp before a commitment to sobriety. Never worked for me, never will.

I wish you well.

Sudz No More

Moderation for us confirmed self professed Alcoholics is not possible. Glad you came to that realization sooner than later.

Someone once told me if you were allergic to Shellfish and it would kill you if you ate it would you still eat it? We are basically allergic to Alcohol and we need to accept it and steer clear of it. Nothing else will ever work. Surrender with us and begin healing.

karate

I went to doc ,got benzo"s , did not tell them i was a drunk .

Did online research ,found out what was pescribed for alochol withdrawal ,found an chart ,took what was commonly used .

Detoxed at home ,and while working ,Stupid ?, mabe but got it done

Dee74

I think you were lucky, Karate.
I wouldn't recommend that for others at all - I hope you're not?

D

artsoul

I'm glad you're back, notsosober.... I don't know why we think that if we just try a little harder, we'll find a way to drink successfully. I thought that, too, and tried twice to become a moderate drinker.... the last relapse I had lasted 7 years and I almost didn't make it back. It's truly "cunning, baffling and powerful."

You got the message a lot sooner than I did - congrats on getting sober again!

karate

Im not ,But i looked up what benzo"s were prscribed ,got them .

Did a web search of how many to take to keep from having a siezure ,took them and did fine .

Tons of stuff on the net how to do it .

Notsosober

Well the first few (3) days sucked.. Hard/Impossible to sleep for more than a few minutes the first few nights, racing thoughts, anxiety, little to no appetite. On Day 5 - BP is coming back to an acceptable range, side and back pain are starting to alleviate (swollen liver and dehydration?). I've slept pretty good the last two nights and I've been eating more regularly. This wasn't a full blown step back to where I was when I first made this post but I was well WELL on my way.

The thing I can't understand is that I start out with a pint (80 proof) for the night..then the next day I step it up a little and get more (pint and half)..then for some unknown reason I wake up the 3rd day and get a friggin' fifth. The next day I was up not really remembering a sober moment since the first night! I never intend to keep going and usually when I take the first drink I find myself thinking, "I really don't even want this..but I'm bored and haven't drank for a couple of days. What the heck." And the usual pattern is taken and the usual sad state of an ending is achieved. Judging my the PAWS symptoms I was becoming physically addicted again. Hopefully I won't have to go down that road again.

Thanks guys.

Lifewillgetbet

I did the same. I go to my Dr and get benzo's. He just gives me a script and says "good luck".
I have been on the other end and ended up in the hospital for a seizure that I had at work detoxing. I had one 3 days into withdrawal and alcohol free. At that time I didnt know anything about seizures. Or that you could even have one from alcohol withdrawal, so benzo's it was every time I relapsed. And I relapsed a lot. Basically every other week. I would start feeling healthy again and destroy myself.

I gave up the struggle of relapsing and having to go to the Dr all the time to get pills and just went and to inpatient treatment. Expensive but changed my habits.

chrissp

All the advice here is dead on. Never ever take a chance on untreated withdrawal. Diastolic BP at 105 is serious danger! ERs are better than a casket!

Notsosober

Another thing I'd like to add about initial withdrawal is the massive amounts of depression you go through. I just kept thinking about letting myself and my fiance down by over drinking AGAIN. I let myself down by allowing myself to get back in this shape again. Kept thinking about how I hate the fact that I am an alcoholic - out of all the things I thought I would have become in my life this was not one of them. Lots and lots of shame..

After the first few days I regained full control over my thoughts (that especially bothered me when trying to sleep) the obsession over beating myself up started to relieve and so did the depression/anxiety. That's where most (myself included) would start to feel as if they are no longer addicted.

But just tonight (night 5) I found myself thinking that I'd like to 'get messed up'. I have no idea where that comes from! Just lat night I was sitting here feeling amazing because I was no longer sick and I actually felt a bit euphoric. I was thinking this is fantastic I want to feel clear minded and healthy(ish) more often! Now the next day I have the same familiar feeling of 'getting out of my head' for a while. If I no longer feel the physical addiction to alcohol than why am I having the compulsion to catch a buzz somewhere?

karate

Because the altered state is what we are addicted to ,not alochol -imo

MeSoSober

I totally understand this! That first pint is your sober self saying, "Okay, this is enough for just one pleasant, buzzed/drunk night, and that's it." But your sober self maybe doesn't count on waking up on Day 2 with either a little leftover buzz or a hangover. If you have a buzz, your alcoholic self wants to keep that ball rolling and if you're hungover, you probably see more booze as the cure. Either way, you're after more alcohol but don't want to keep having to go back out for it so you buy extra when you do out. Day 3 same story but intensified because by that point you're in full-on bender mode. At that point it's REALLY important not to run out of alcohol because after that it gets ugly. UgliER, I should say.

That's how I see it, anyway. What you did is unsurprisingly consistent with my own binge-drinking/"bendering" experience, anyway.

FreeDance

Returning newbie here (Day 4), but I have done this, too. I can do one glass of wine for a while, or two every other day. Then I do two for two days in a row, then there's a party and I have four. Then it's three each night at home, then I'm back where I was -- looking forward to 5:00, and wanting more and more.

Also wanted to say: I think once sober, it's easier. It takes so much energy to be worried about what I'm drinking and when and how much and what time and etc. etc... Just staying away from it entirely is MUCH simpler!!

Notsosober

Our brains coupled with this substance creates some eerily similar patterns between people from all walks of life. But you described it well..I've also had issues with maintaining a healthy weight in mast past, and the pattern is also very similar. Realize I've gained too much weight and go on a diet, do great for a couple of weeks and pass up many opportunities to eat something deliciously evil, then for some reason after I've started loosing weight I eat a cheeseburger, then I tell myself I've blown my diet for this week and start eating horrible again..Next thing I know it's a week later and I've killed all of my progress! Addiction is only one part of the alcoholistic picture..

MeSoSober

I should've added in my previous post that you buy more the next day (or I would, anyway), because you need to enough to last all or most of the waking hours of the day (and perhaps into the evening), which is more than I think most of us generally need in an evening when you don't start drinking until 5 or 6 or 7 pm.

And, too, you buy that first pint when you're sober but the next purchases are made when you've passed that point of no return and the beast/alcoholic/drunk brain has taken over, and as we all know, at that point there ain't enough booze in the world to satisfy!

Best wishes in your fight to beat this Beast!!